Roguelike deckbuilder Slay The Spire 2 continues its journey through early access with an update that fixes various crash bugs, adds new card art, changes how the game files mods, and implements some balancing changes. Item #1 on the balance change list: "Players, enemies, and pets can no longer have their HP increased above 999,999,999." Yep, that sure sounds like a balancing problem. Thanks, Mega Crit.

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Starfield, despite having fallen short of lodging itself as firmly in the bit of humanity's collective psyche labelled 'the good shit' in comparison to its Bethesda-made siblings, will still achieve something akin to that at some point. Eventually, the man who composed the space RPG's soundtrack reckons, it'll "become something that will be legendary". Why? Because Todd Howard's big visionary brain cannot be stopped.

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I regret to announce that I have a theory>. It involves handheld PCs, Project Helix – Microsoft’s next, PC game-running Xbox console – and least likely of all, an apparently sincere attempt at making Windows 11 less of a bulging, AI-infested colostomy bag. That attempt is better known as Xbox Full Screen Experience, and now that it’s finding its way onto portables outside the MS-branded Asus ROG Xbox Ally series (plus big-lad PCs as well), I’m convinced that it was introduced at least in part to test the waters of how a Windows PC/console hybrid could operate.

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No. I, your dad, haven't bought you any Christmas presents. No, that isn't the wry smile of deceit you see nestled on my face. Yes, technically I could tell you that I haven't bought you any Christmas presents without that being a lie if, in fact, I knew that your mum was buying all of your Christmas presents, while I'm paying for some other bill we need to settle. No, I'm not going to go and get her so that you can specifically ask her whether she's bought you any Christmas presents. Why? Sorry, my lips are sealed. Perhaps, though, you should consider that I may simply not fancy expending the effort.

That, in an overly wordy nutshell, is how a social media interaction CD Projekt had the other day played out. The Cyberpunk 2077 developers decided it was necessary to tell a fan that the futuristic RPG doesn't have any secret extra add-ons coming. Naturally, questions about the secret extra DLC rumoured to be coming for The Witcher 3 suddenly began bubbling up everywhere once again.

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Now that we’re about, ooh, six decades into the existence of PC mice, it’s become apparent that they don’t need> a dedicated little screen to feed us stats about them, at all times. Nevertheless, I’m quite fond of the baby display that comes with the QPAD Mark Model 3. Just because it won’t actively help me click on xenobugs in Deep Rock Galactic doesn’t mean I’d rather stay ignorant of how much battery I’ve got left, or that mashing the DPI button and eyeballing cursor speed is somehow preferable to just having that sensitivity setting on a readout. Given the closest thing that most mice have to an interface is a single flashing LED, the Model 3’s screen – which also acts as its wireless dongle – is bordering on futuristic. Almost.

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Rhell: Warped Worlds & Troubled Times is a colourful puzzle RPG that boasts of over 102,400,000 possible spells, each glued together from 40 collectible magical runes. As ever with such marketing beats, the big number is kind of a lie: the majority of those spells will be functionally indistinguishable, and in any case, you do not need 102,400,000 spells.

No, don't spray your Vimto in outrage. You do not need over a hundred million spells.> Say it with me: "I did not have 102,400,000 spells before, and was perfectly fulfilled. I am whole. I am enough. I will conquer my base insecurities." There, you are sufficiently composed to watch Rhell's trailer, in which there is sass, sarcasm and some lovely, 4:3 ratio landscapes. 4:3! Now those are numbers you can trust.

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Shhhhhhh. I'm trying to sneak into this poor bloke's castle. I'm doing it all stealthy, sneaky, and shadowy-like. I'm climbing in windows, jumping across rooftops, bamboozling guards. I'm taking the gold and gems while letting out a cackle deliberately stifled enough that no one can hear it but m-. Oh, bollocks. Hello, owner of these valuables. I hadn't counted on you walking in at this very second.

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There's nothing more annoying than watching a mouse snack away on an apple in the warehouse when you explicitly built them a charming little bistro just down the street. Literally nothing. I don't want to hear about your neighbour who puts the bins out before the sun's up, nor your colleague who microwaves fish in the office, or the pimple on your bum that flares up whenever you've a week of working late and having to sit in that horribly hard and uncomfortable office chair. It's the mice in Whiskerwood eating in the warehouse thing, that's got top billing on the list of annoying things.

Well, good news for your grievance rankings, because the latest Whiskerwood update gives you the option of banning mice from eating in the warehouse. Finally, your bum spot can get a look-in at number one.

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All right, my old chuckaboo, it's time to shake daddles and go mafficking. The toffs want us to pluck a few April showers from the insides of yon Ken Bowman. Cheese and crust! Now that's a fancy crib. Look at the shine on these hardwood floors. Still, I don't trust these shadows. Let's step lively now and draw latches so we can shove off and powder our hair down the Bohemian Bungery.

...Cordura is a one-to-four player horror game in which you play a Dishonored extra stealing magic roses from the bellies of shapeshifting mansions. "Science once dared to blur the boundaries of the Night, and now the darkness has returned to reclaim its own," explains the Steam page. "Victorian buildings awaken corrupted by a primal influence, twisting their halls into procedural labyrinths and reducing inhabitants to empty shells that now stalk from the shadows.

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In today’s dwarf news, both Deep Rock Galactic spinoffs had announcements to make at the Future Games Show Spring Showcase. Loudest and crunchiest of the two was autoshooter Deep Rock Galactic: Survivor revealing its first new class, the bulldozer-riding Demolisher, who’ll get to work shifting shale on April 30th. Also approaching is co-op roguelike shooter Deep Rock Galactic: Rogue Core, which is launching into early access on May 20th.

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