I'm at the grocery store, trying to buy whatever it is I always buy, and I'm walking around lost...dazed. It's the numbers, they're everywhere. Ever since I started playing Hero Siege that's all I ever see. Red numbers, white numbers, green numbers, yellow numbers, spinning and twirling and dancing in front of me. This has never happened before, I used to be NORMAL.
Hero Siege combines a rogue-like and Diablo to create something positively maddeningly addictive. Each act is divided into several stages, which are further broken up into waves. The goals are simple; survive and kill all of the monsters. The promise of phat loot, powerful relics, and numbers beyond comprehension await. Oh and I guess you save the world too? hurray. When I started the game, there were six playable heroes. The character-limit is unfortunately a little short, which cuts off some of the names I give my heroes.
Irvin - He's a viking, capable of slashing foes with his mighty axe. Melee classes seem to be underpowered in this game. This is partly due to the mechanics. A monster doesn't actually have to touch to do damage. They do this little lunge, and even if it looks like the hero is a space away, they take damage. Still, Irvin gets my "not bad" rating.
AllUpInnz - The nomad. So far this guy hasn't been any fun to use. He's a melee class, and one of his skills allows him to do more damage if he doesn't swing his sword for awhile. Ehh..This is a game where 30+ monsters can attack at a time; it's way too chaotic for sneaky assassin-type moves. Maybe he gets better after collecting certain skills.
LargeBootyHo - She's a pirate. Her name is supposed to be LargeBootyHoistingExtremePirate but it's like I said, the character-limit is too short. She uses guns, although she's also capable of firing cannonballs, summoning a pirate ship, and all sorts of other fun abilities. Ranged-heroes definitely have the advantage. Couple one with equipment that increase fire-rate, a few relics that proc randomly, and you've got a beast.
Commdork64 - Redneck. My favorite melee class. This is due to useful skills like flaming tires, and the ability to spill damaging oil everywhere. The thing is though, there are five difficulty settings. The usefulness of each class can fluctuate wildly depending on their DPS, and how close they have to do get to do the most damage. Also, certain relics (like the one that grants life-steal) are insanely useful, while others (the angel that knocks enemies away for no damage) are just obnoxiously useless.
BurnBurnBu - The pyromancer. Actually his name is supposed to be BurnBurnBurnBurnBurnBu but again, character-limit. He throws a ton of fire around like a living INFERNO. He's altogether solid.
RomanceNec - Necromancer. He summons undead, throws a few projectiles around. I'm still uncertain about his value. This is mainly because the close-combat skeletons have a habit of mashing together. This causes three to become one, which severely lessens their damage output and protective coverage. The jury's still out on this clown.
Frank Phil- Ah yes, Frank Philips McGannon...the archer. He's my hero of choice. His arsenal includes a spread shot, homing missiles, screen-filling ballista, turrets, and even land-mines. Also, his exceptional range allows him the freedom to stay far away.
But none of that matters now, because all I see are numbers. High-level Hero Siege can become difficult to follow. Adorned with 20+ relics, and doing millions of damage a second, I start to lose track of things. After a long enough period of time, certain stats (ARMOR) become irrelevant. DPS is never really a concern, because most bosses go down in 1-2 seconds. Instead, you're better off worrying about being frozen, or killed in the second stage of Act 3. This stage combines poison-spewing worms with exploding-pygmies. Exploding-pygmies are a NIGHTMARE in Diablo 2.
Starting off can be painful, due to lack of health and weak weapons. With a few upgrades and a few choice relics, flying through most of the difficulties isn't that hard. If necessary, acts can be repeated to accumulate more stuff. Even the INFERNO setting isn't much more difficult than those before. Multiplayer is also available, though I've never been able to make the time for it.
I'm still stumbling through the grocery store, my eyes rolling into the back of my head and then around again. I think people are staring, but I can't see them. All I see are the numbers jumping out of the shelves, snaking through my groceries, beating against the doors in the frozen food aisle. Finally I'm at checkout. As the cashier scans my groceries, the bag lady says "Did you know that the amount of force necessary to bite into a carrot is equivalent to biting off a finger?" The cashier gives her the strangest look, and I -still absorbed in numbers- say "Thanks! That was enlightening."
As I push the cart outside I take a close look at my fingers. What have they done for me lately? The thumbs, damn them to HELL. It's because of these digits that I've been playing Hero Siege non-stop. I'm not even finished with the game, but I know it'll destroy me. I still have to-
In the parking lot, I stop. The numbers are accumulating, they're forming a circle. A portal?! The numbers have created a door. A man steps out. He has a mohawk, and he's carrying a bow.
"Y...you're supposed to be dead!"
"I am dead. You killed me."
How could I forget? This AGONY has been plaguing me, since I stopped playing the game. On the highest difficulty, Frank Philips McGannon was killed by the Son of Lucifer. It was an attack I've seen a dozen times, but I was so distracted by the numbers that he was blasted. This destructive force did twice the damage of his HP. It killed him, and it broke me. Sure, I wasn't playing on hardcore, but all relics are lost upon death. There was no way I was grinding all that crap for another attempt. Hero Siege is great, but the end-game is just absurd. That said...
"Look Frank. I was going to come back. We were going to finish this...together." I plead.
"It's too late."
He aims an arrow at me, before I could say any-
I awake in a hospital bed. I think I'm alive, but I feel strange. A nurse enters my room.
"I'm happy to see that you're alright." she exclaims. "Somebody found you passed-out in a grocery store parking lot."
"...Thanks. Can I get something for this headache?" As I move my hand toward my forehead I notice something...off.
"You bit off every single one of your fingers before you lost conciousness. Thankfully these advanced prosthetic armored-fingers are just as good." The nurse states.
Before I could find an expression for my shock and confusion, she continues. "Unfortunately, with the bill you're getting for this surgery, you won't be able to afford anymore videogames. It looks like you'll have to play Hero Siege forever!"
She laughs as she leaves the room. As soon as the door closes, I notice the numbers creep towards me.