Dear Everybody,

The camp's new swim instructors are really good at lifeguarding because Tappet took one look at them and immediately almost drowned seventeen times until two of them finally banned him from the lake while the third one FOUGHT A WOLF! Later, Highpockets showed some teeth when one of them tried to get floaties on her.

Meanwhile, the canoe is still missing, but we have new kayaks that the counselors brought in. The kayaks come equipped with minnow nets and beaver bats. The counselors seem a little freaked, they keep to themselves a lot and have taken to staying upriver. Intro to kayak class had one of them run off shouting “STAY ON THE BOAT, MAN! STAY ON THE BOAT!” Wow! The horror, the horror…

Your pal,

Sir Roderick