Dark Shadows - Army of Evil 구매

Oh my god.

This game is hilarious.

Nearly everything is this game is done WRONG. COMICALLY WRONG.

Oh where do I start? How about basic controls?

Press spacebar to jump. Jump once and you fall twice, the second time being gravity kicking in after the preset fall animation.

Hold spacebar to do your impression of a rabbit on meth. Boingboingboingboingboingboing. Careful though, you can get fall damage from jumping too much. Seriously.

Press M1 to bring up a mutated, paralyzed left hand, completed with an elongated pinkie finger and a stretched texture.

Press M2 to bring up another mutated, paralyzed arm with a tapered, shrunken hand holding a pebble. It reels back, unmovingly, as if made of wood, then quickly forward again, throwing the pebble...which gently floats to the ground. Physics!

There is no crouch or run button (shift does nothing).

There is no map ('M' changes the mouse sensitivity) and no hints or aids in finding quest items. Now, I'm all for a little open-world exploration. Not every game needs a big old Bioshock arrow pointing at anything of interest. But this is the polar opposite. Here, there first level is a castle full of winding, identical corridors, and the first mission in that level is to find a sword and some keys. I managed to find one of the keys through blind explortion. It was difficult, though because it was the same color as everything else: greyish brown, and had nothing indicating its presence. No outline, no environmental context, not even so much as a reaction from the character when looking right at it.

Press Escape to see the tiny, 200x200 pixel menu. The itty-bitty options are mostly miscellaneous graphical options, like blood decals. If TotalBiscuit ever did a WTF on DS-AoE, he might have to start playing the game BEFORE the ten minute mark, since there's not much twiddling to be done with a menu like this.

As for me, I ended my game after I jumped on even terrain and the fall damage killed me. Then the game crashed. Yup.

This is a walking simulator for insomniacs. Or, alternatively, comedy gold for people who love to laugh at terrible games. Either way, it's too bad to pass up. I recommend it.

This is quite possibly the worst game I've ever played.
The concept is interesting enough, and the game would've been good (if it was done properly).

The graphics are not retro: Half-Life 1 looks better than this game. The performance is really poor, especially if you enable the all the effects.
The gameplay is laughable, with most of the weapons using the same animations.
The sound is horrible, with voice acting worse than The Town With No Name.

(I understand that this game was made by a few persons, but it really isn't acceptable to ask 8,99 for this)

Story: 2
Graphics: 1
Gameplay: 3
Challenge: 5
Sound: 3
Replayability: 0

ENJOYMENT: 0
FRUSTRATION: 8

This is NOT a game. This is some strange game PROJECT that somehow found it's way to Steam and got a price tag. I paid $1.35 USD for it, and got ripped off - if that helps explain the value of this game to you.

The starting quest is a quest that most people won't even complete because of the horrid level design and ridiculously low amount of thought put into it. All you need to do is find keys to open a chest and some doors to eventually find a sword that you will take with you into battle against monsters. However, just getting that far is a nightmare of boredom, and awful gameplay that will leave you feeling queezy from the graphics and motion blur in the game alone. I had my PC set to the highest graphics option (1600x900) and still just moving through the game made me feel dizzy and sick to my stomach, and no game has EVER done that to me. This is a first.

The gameplay also suffers from ridiculous elements that make no sense. You start with a field of view zoomed in way to far to actually see much at all, and when you figure out the controls (J and K keys) to zoom out, you'll see your own two sadly deformed looking arms which much more closely resemble "tentacles" then they do arms. Be careful jumping as well, as jumping on level ground might hurt you and take away about HALF of your health bar, but later when you fight a giant ugly troll monster, his bashing you in the head only takes about 1/12th of your health away. Makes perfect sense, right?

If you can play this game and find your sword without needing to google or youtube for help, it would be amazing as it's very easy to just make endless circles cursing at how crappy the game is, feels, and looks and not seeing the damn keys or the parts needed to make a torch. All part of the most ubsurd level and game design I have ever experienced in my gaming life.

So, once you get your sword and get to battle monsters, it "must" get better right? HAHAHAHA! Funny!! Now it's just a matter of spamming your mouse buttons when near a mob while you back up to try and prevent it from hitting you. There is absolutely no skill involved in the fighting at all, and the action looks about as good and entertaining as watching two house flies "getting it on" on your wall.

Queezy motion and dull graphics. Uninspired, never thought-out level design, mess of a game. This is one of the worst games you will ever play. So if you find it on sale for around $1 and just want a laugh or perhaps to make yourself sick so you don't have to go to school, then sure.. go ahead and buy it. Otherwise, you've been warned.

My Scale of 1 -10 scores:
Graphics: 0 (blurry, motion-lagged graphics will leave you feeling queezy for sure)
Sound: 0 (your sword hitting a wooden crate sounds like jingle bells)
Gameplay: 0 (There's no fun here unless you just want a horrible game to mock and make fun of)
Value: 0 (Even at $1, this game will make you feel cheated and robbed)

Overall: One the absolute worst and stupidest games ever produced, much less sold for actual money.

Everything about the game is wrong. In a word, Horrible, just Horrible. With the big H.

The music couldn't be fantastic, the sounds couldn't be exact to the actions (and awful too), the graphics may be somewhat similar to vomit and not even close to the screenshots at the store page, but damnit... the gameplay is awfully slow, hard and confusing all together.

Most of the time you will try to understand where you have to go and what you have to do, since there isn't any plot, and the voices are done in the way to don't let you understand a damn thing on what it's happening and what you have to do.

The fights are challenging. In a VERY bad way. The swing animation of your weapon takes much more time than your enemies's, and it's really hard to hit your enemy in such way. If the game wasn't hard enough already, there are scarred in every bugged area some bugged food, that are intended to restore your bugged health that you lost in a bugged way while you were fighting bugged orcs and skeletons trying to enjoy this bugged game at a bugged price.

And, dulcis in fundo, the controls, the controls... Yes, the controls...
Better if i skip this point and get to the end:
Do. Not. Get. This. This. this... Thing.

P.S.: 9€? No, it's 8,99€... DO NOT!

This seems like someone had the idea of making a game that felt similar to Hexen 2 or whatever (at least that's the vibe I get from it for some reason) and just failed on all aspects in terms of game development. Poor audio, bland graphics, sluggish controls to the point that an actual slug would be more responsive, and overall, this is one of the reasons why Greenlight should be eliminated once and for all.

All I can say is "Wow". I didn't have particularly high expectations going into this game, but after playing it, I can say with certainty that this is my GOTY.

The characters and rich background really add to the atmosphere of the game. When I heard that not only the gold, taxes AND WEAPONS were being held by the monsters (Spoilers: They are only in disguise), I shed a tear. And then to discover that Katarina, with whom I am in love, is also in danger... I spent 5 minutes sobbing uncontrollably before getting into the game proper. The fact that the entire kingdom had fallen to a group of monsters who aren't really monsters while I was off chasing a runaway horse (which the intro character brilliantly mispronounces) only adds another layer of depth to the gripping narrative, which truly ponders the nature of the human condition.

Now for the gameplay. The main character's snail-like movement speed (even while sprinting) adds a level of tension one could find in inferior games such as The Last of Us or Dead Space, but then takes it to the next level. By making the player character's hands see-through and seemingly boneless, we are given a glimpse into the soul, the very essence of mankind. A true work of artistic brilliance.

I experienced my first death after jumping on the stairs and then glitching out for several seconds. Upon my death, maniacal laughter could be heard. Truly gripping stuff.

It also has a dog in it.

11/10 would chase horse again.

Still better than CoD: Ghosts

There is nothing good about this game... It looks and feels like a student rushed this in a week as a project due for their college course or something. DO NOT GET THIS UNLESS YOU ARE RICH AND WANT TO WASTE YOUR MONEY!

Laughably bad in the most unfunny sort of way.
Clunky controls, wonky level design, and most people are gonna need a walkthrough just to find the key, to find the key, to find the key you need to find the key that will open the chest to get the sword you are sent to find as your first step.

I lost interest after finding the torch...
I dare you to make it any further.

Just a really, really bad game folks.

While it's an impressive effort for mostly 1 person, there isn't much to this game. It starts very slow and only picks up a little; once you're a few levels in, you've experienced most of the game. There are a lot of weapons... that act the exact same way (besides the projectile weapons).

The visuals are passable as is the audio, and I rather liked the music. Unfortunately, it was tedium going through the game performing the same actions all the time and only varying it simply to see something different. I can scarcely recommend this game, even if you can get it for super cheap. Overall, not terrible but nothing great either.

I try to give every game a go, no matter how bad the previous reviews are. But this game is not playable in my opinion. I was walking around in slow motion for 15 minutes through a huge castle on a quest to find a key to open...whatever.

On my 15 minute slow motion quest I didn`t find anything to pickup. Rather I have seen an enemy.

So much better projects out there you can waste your time on. For people who want to have a laugh with friends about the fact how bad this game is, I can recommend it though.

I went into this with very low expectations. I honestly wasn't expecting much, but here goes.

This is the WORST video game I've ever played.

THE WORST.

Now, why am I complaining so much? Let me start with the technical issues. 1. I was greeted with a resolution setting that only goes up to 1680 x 1050. Not even 1080. That pissed me off. 2. The graphics. This looks like Half-Life 1, and for a game that is awfully new, it should looks somewhat okay, but it doesn't. This game tries to shove in your face that it has bloom and SSAO in it, but seriously, even with them, the game still looks like ♥♥♥♥. 3. Voice Acting. Dreadful. 4. Highest mouse sensitivity is still really slow for a person like me who likes to have a high mouse sensitivity.

Alright, the story. Nothing special. And by that I mean pretty much non-existent. You and a bunch of "teammates" go to the castle, after it has been attacked. Turns out the girl of your dreams has been taken. Now you have to get her back. And there you go. I'm not gonna complain about the small amount of story I've been given, because honestly, I just want to try the hack and slash.

The first level. Why they made it so complicated did not make any sense to me. The first level started off with a mother♥♥♥♥ing keyhunt. It made no sense. It confused the living hell out of me. I needed to use a walkthrough, on the FIRST LEVEL. That's just awful. The area was big and the objects were all over the place. The controls were poor and didn't really help this game out at the slightest. Everything about this game just screamed wrong. For everyone asking about the keyhunt, imagine trying to find keys that do not even show up. That's right, you can't actually see them. Not to mention, you need a torch to even find one of them, which is just silly, because if there's a key there, then I wouldn't need a torch to actually see the key. It's a pointless quest to go find keys to open chests with other keys. But have I mentioned the fact that you literally have to walk on the walls to get an item you need? Yes, you do. You walk on the walls. YES. You literally jump on a small side railing on the wall, basically hovering to the side of it when you walk on it. I'm sorry, but I would never be able to figure that out because in a video game, I've never had to do that to actually get something. I just found that bizarre.

Then the main section of the game. The fighting. Oh my.
OH MY. OHH.
You get three attacks. All of which are ♥♥♥♥ and don't feel natural. Combat was godawful. All you do is stab the enemy, move back, then just keep doing that until it's dead. That's it. That's the game. Oh my god. The attacks are all mapped to mouse buttons, including the middle mouse. I went immediately to change it, but WAIT, you can't change the controls. But for some reason, they have options for Bloom and SSAO instead of options for controls. Come on. Congratulations, you have shader effects. Yay.

This is the worst. Day One, Walking Dead Survival Instinct, and Postal 3, are all better than this. I didn't want to say this, but I had to. I'm here for you so you can save money. I would not wish this on my worst enemies. My point has been made. Nothing in this game works properly. Everything is bad.

0/10. This is a technical nightmare. Even if this game looks fun to you (which it really shouldn't), remember that it is 10 bucks, and you can do so much more with the ten bucks. I'm genuinely upset that I spent nine dollars on this.

I typically dont review games. Especially ones I've played for 44 minutes. But, thats as far as I could play this game. Its.. really, really bad. I felt like I was playing a FPS from the late 90's. Graphics are substandard, sound is reptitive and quite low quality, and the cutscenes are quite laughable. They are literally 2 characters standing there, with the camera rotating around, and occasionally focusing on.. well.. a dark field? I wasnt sure, as there was little to no detail.

Now Ive bought plenty of games in early access, and if this was an Alpha, with additional graphical upgrades, sound, etc to come, then I wouldnt be too critical of it. But.. this is it. There is snow falling inside of rooms. Fog in closed off hall ways. Bricked up rooms. Stairs that are so steep that you have to hop up when you get to the top step. The punch animation looks like a piece of paper with chain mail on it.

The final straw for me was when I entered the dining room, to obtain the oil needed to light my torch. It was on top of a cabinet. A cabinet I could only climb by backtracking in the room, climbing a oveturned table, climbing half way up the wall, and then walking over to hop on top.

Is this what the waitress would have done had I asked for some oil for my green salad?

Terrifyingly bad. The theme song is sorta ok, but the graphics are hideous, reminding me of a time when 3D accellerators had 4mb of video ram. Except most games back then managed to look good. Yet with such minimal graphics the framerate lags like hell, and this is on a computer that can get 60+ FPS from Crysis 3. Also, I think a 3 year old may have written the story.

Please for the love Celestia, Luna, God, Buddha, Allah, Jehovah, Kali, Shiva, Bramha, Osiris, Ra, Bast, Sobek, Thor, Odin, Zeus, Posieden, Athena, Bacchus, Apollo, Qeutzlcoatl and whatever other gods that once were held holy and still are DO NOT but this game its intro level is possibly the most conveluted mess of back tracking nonsense ever. I didnt even want to play beyond the point when I got the first weapon. Its not worth 10 dollars or even a dollar. Please just avoid it it stinks.

I did not get too far with this game, it was so ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥-I-N-G horrible. First off you have to sit through 8 minutes of the credits EVERY time you start the game, no jumping right to the menu. The graphics are REALLY bad, like something a game design student might produce as a freshman. voice acting is pure amateur, the characters lips don' t even move. Mouse sensitivity is low, its like you are drunk or your connection is laggy. Controls are not customizable WASD to move and thats it. This alone is a deal killer for the Munkey.

Go ahead and buy it, see for yourself what an awful, horrible peice of crap this is.

i must be living in some alternate universe where the community as a whole tries to greenlight the most horrifyingly terrible abominations that it can find

There isn't a whole lot more that can be said about this game that hasn't already been said. It's bad. Not even fun bad, just plain old regular BAD. But let's go over it, shall we?

First, the graphics. Everyone knows this. Take one look at the screenshots, it's not too difficult to tell how utterly atrocious they are. The game's description on Steam says that the game has an old-school look to it, (or something like that, I can't be bothered to look up the exact quote) but old-school doesn't even begin to describe it. Castlevania is old-school. Zelda 64 is old-school. Doom is old-school. This game's graphics, on the other hand, just look like they were ♥♥♥♥ out by the leftovers from Morrowind, which in my admitedly unpopular opinion, has not aged well at all.

Second, let's talk about the controls. You can't keybind anything. You can make some adjustments to mouse sensitivity, and invert the mouse's Y axis, but that's it. Don't like the layout? Well, ♥♥♥♥ you. Your character's movement, too, is just weird in general. Movement is very sluggish. Everything seems a bit zoomed in, but if you zoom out, it still just feels nauseating. Combat, if you've got the patience to even get to it (I'll get back to that), is painfully bare. There's no strategy involved whatsoever. Hit your enemy, pull back, then go back in for another hit. Rinse and repeat.

Third, let's talk about the story. What's the story? A bunch of monsters and/or people in scary get-up have been ravaging the land, and got into the castle. They killed all the guards, and took all the money, taxes (yes, taxes), and swords. Also, they took this guy's sister, and you better save her, because you're in love with her. The only image we see of said woman is awkwardly animated, with flailing arms and a grand total of one facial expression. Now normally I wouldn't complain too much about the damsel in distress trope, overused though it may be, but the way this game goes about it is just stupid, to the point where I had to stop after the cutscene to finish laughing. Basic isn't even the word, bad is closer to what I'm looking for.

Okay, now here's the big one. How would you expect a fantasy hack and slash video game to open? A tutorial level? Sure. What's in the tutorial level? A few low-level baddies for you to kill, with a few different weapons to try out? Nah, that'd just be asinine. Instead, let's have the tutorial level be a stupidly complex find the key quest, in an overly large castle? Yup, that sounds good to me. Yeah, no litterally, the FIRST instructions you are given in the game are to find a bunch of keys so you can get a sword. But it's not like you just find one key and get your reward. A key opens a door, which opens a chest, which gives you some unnecessary item, which lets you get another key, which THEN lets you get the sword. And all of it is separated between different rooms in this quite large castle.


All this makes the game seem REALLY bad. It is. But the worst thing about this game, I repeat, the WORST thing about this game is nothing I have mentioned thus far. What pissed me off most about this game is that Barnabas Collins didn't even get a single appearance. Or Quentin, or Angelique. 0/10 Worst Game Ever.


No, but really, what's with the title, guys? It's not some super obscure thing, Dark Shadows was pretty dang popular back in its day. And okay, even if you didn't know about the show, how could you completely avoid the recent shipwreck of a remake Tim Burton ♥♥♥♥ out a couple years ago? That's a lawsuit waiting to happen there.

The worst game ever made. It should be against the law to charge money for something like this. The engine is so old it feels like you are running around in a 3D version of a 9yr olds microsoft paint picture. They must have spent more time finding the perfect position to take screenshot that look good than actually working on the game itself. The screenshots look good at first but once you start playing it feels like you are playing a sega genesis game.

Im one of those people who can look at a terrible game and find the good in it. But this game just defies all laws of mental perception physic dynamic regulation.. If you play this game you will never be the same again.

I actually gave this game a chance. A real chance. You start off and it says "I need a key and a weapon" so for literally a half hour i ran around this level looking for this key that ended up just unlocking this door that led to a torch. Than he says "I need oil for this torch" and i looked for soo long around the entire map and i ended up seeing this 25ft tall wooden hutch. And at the top i saw what looked like a bottle of wine (oil) and i was like.. wtf there is no crates or anything to jump up there. Turns out you have to just run straight forward at the wooden flat wall of the hutch and your character just magically slides right up the face of the hutch. okay..

The rest of the game is just a linear path of multiple enemies and when you fight them your character just clips right inside their body. So the entire fight is just you inside some orc's body clicking for 1 minute and a half until he dies. There is no way you can tell if you sword thrusts are making contact with the enemy so you just have to do around 100-150 clicks until he dies. There is no strategy, no blocking, no shielding, just standing in front of eachother just hitting eachother with swords. There is no physically possible way to kill an enemy without losing 70% of your health because you can not dodge or defend. This makes progression impossible because the game just places another enemy every 10ft of the linear path.

I quit when i came across a rock that says "you can not go this way you have to hammer it down" so i press forward and i just run right through it.

There is no common sense in this game either. They will just make a door locked and you have to find a key which is just 15ft behind a bunch of bushes in some dirt that is LITERALLY impossible to see. You just have to spend a ton of time moving around each pixel of the entire map until the game says "you found a key". And even if you do see a key or something on a table, you have to move back and fourth over it for a good 45 seconds before the game actually picks it up for you.

If you can play this game for one hour you have super human abilities.

Can't find the key? not a problem just run forward through the door. Yes.

This game should be free on a flash player games website. I paid mere pennies for this game in a bundle of 6 other games and i still feel ripped off.

Delete this game off the planet somebody before somebody gets hurt

I absolutely do NOT recommend this game. Though the graphics are old school, this was and is no problem to me. But the game is NOT responsive or very slow in response to controls, if there are any. I can hardly find any key to manipulate anything and the F1 and F2 keys are absolutely not helping much.
What is even more, the entire game lacks ANY pleasure a gamer needs of this kind of game: almost NO loot, disappointing endings in which you suddenly get killed by an invisible enemy and an impossible quest at start: find a sword and some keys. After 1 hour of gameplay, I have been killed 5 times and only found 1 key, unable to defend myself and with a feeling of... disappointment.
PLEASE TAKE THIS GAME OFF YOUR LIST.
It isn't even worth giving it for free..........