Julkaistu 30. huhtikuu, 2014.
There isn't a whole lot more that can be said about this game that hasn't already been said. It's bad. Not even fun bad, just plain old regular BAD. But let's go over it, shall we?
First, the graphics. Everyone knows this. Take one look at the screenshots, it's not too difficult to tell how utterly atrocious they are. The game's description on Steam says that the game has an old-school look to it, (or something like that, I can't be bothered to look up the exact quote) but old-school doesn't even begin to describe it. Castlevania is old-school. Zelda 64 is old-school. Doom is old-school. This game's graphics, on the other hand, just look like they were ♥♥♥♥ out by the leftovers from Morrowind, which in my admitedly unpopular opinion, has not aged well at all.
Second, let's talk about the controls. You can't keybind anything. You can make some adjustments to mouse sensitivity, and invert the mouse's Y axis, but that's it. Don't like the layout? Well, ♥♥♥♥ you. Your character's movement, too, is just weird in general. Movement is very sluggish. Everything seems a bit zoomed in, but if you zoom out, it still just feels nauseating. Combat, if you've got the patience to even get to it (I'll get back to that), is painfully bare. There's no strategy involved whatsoever. Hit your enemy, pull back, then go back in for another hit. Rinse and repeat.
Third, let's talk about the story. What's the story? A bunch of monsters and/or people in scary get-up have been ravaging the land, and got into the castle. They killed all the guards, and took all the money, taxes (yes, taxes), and swords. Also, they took this guy's sister, and you better save her, because you're in love with her. The only image we see of said woman is awkwardly animated, with flailing arms and a grand total of one facial expression. Now normally I wouldn't complain too much about the damsel in distress trope, overused though it may be, but the way this game goes about it is just stupid, to the point where I had to stop after the cutscene to finish laughing. Basic isn't even the word, bad is closer to what I'm looking for.
Okay, now here's the big one. How would you expect a fantasy hack and slash video game to open? A tutorial level? Sure. What's in the tutorial level? A few low-level baddies for you to kill, with a few different weapons to try out? Nah, that'd just be asinine. Instead, let's have the tutorial level be a stupidly complex find the key quest, in an overly large castle? Yup, that sounds good to me. Yeah, no litterally, the FIRST instructions you are given in the game are to find a bunch of keys so you can get a sword. But it's not like you just find one key and get your reward. A key opens a door, which opens a chest, which gives you some unnecessary item, which lets you get another key, which THEN lets you get the sword. And all of it is separated between different rooms in this quite large castle.
All this makes the game seem REALLY bad. It is. But the worst thing about this game, I repeat, the WORST thing about this game is nothing I have mentioned thus far. What pissed me off most about this game is that Barnabas Collins didn't even get a single appearance. Or Quentin, or Angelique. 0/10 Worst Game Ever.
No, but really, what's with the title, guys? It's not some super obscure thing, Dark Shadows was pretty dang popular back in its day. And okay, even if you didn't know about the show, how could you completely avoid the recent shipwreck of a remake Tim Burton ♥♥♥♥ out a couple years ago? That's a lawsuit waiting to happen there.