tldr; you'll bang your own head against a wall, much like the protaginist does.
I started this game off with a couple friends, one controlling movement with a controller, one managing inventory and looking around with a keyboard. We managed to find a walking stick, pick up a few little red glowy wooden tube things, open a gate (in a world record time of: several minutes!), get confused - not creeped out - by a boy sat on a tree stump, because it looked like my computer was struggling so hard to deal with his motion that we only saw him move towards us in three key frames. Maybe this is because this game has Oculus Rift support, so the devs thought you'd blink at the correct moment, to give a creative Dr. Who vibe to the game. We quickly swooped up a gold medal in the world championships for this game by placing a protractor on a sun dial, then quit before we went mad - to play Shovel Knight.
I returned to this game weeks later, and despite having full keyboard control, I cannot for the life of me find out which key I have to press to put that protractor back on that sundial. I think I need to put a valve wheel on something, but I can't figure that out either. Even the controls in the main menu don't give me the glimmer of enlightenment that I so longingly wish for, pray for.
Don't let my play time fool you, I went AFK whilst watching Game of Thrones to get at least some achievements in this game. I initially laughed when I saw an achievement for walking - just walking - but given the unchangable, excrutiatingly slow pace the protaginist has, I can say that walking a few kilometres in this game truly is an achievement.
Perhaps an interesting game to spend a pound on to see what not to do when trying to create an immersive game, but on the whole I strongly suggest you keep that pound, add it to the jar then pick up a game you actually want later on. You probably have enough games to keep you occupied anyway. I know you do. Don't look down in shame, look back at this review. There's a quip or two coming.
Due to the Oculus Rift support, and door lintels being at eye-height, I dub this game "Headbang simulator 2014".
If you already bought this game, give it a go - and if you don't like it, go afk, get those silly achievements and thankfully, some steam trading cards - perhaps someone's way of saying "I'm... I'm sorry for accepting your money".
Posted: August 26th, 2014