This game is the work of Satan.
Ah, where to begin... it all started when this game was free on IndieGALA and I thought 'Hey, it's free can't hurt to get right?' Well... it most certainly hurt.
So what's wrong with it?
Well... the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ 'one hit kill' obstacles? Endless array of ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ty roaches flying in your face to the point where you cannot aim or dodge them consistently? Gun wielding roaches? Terrible level design? Not enough health? The skybox is a gradient? This list goes on.
I cannot begin to fathom how much I hate this game. I literally felt sick and gagged twice because this is so ♥♥♥♥ing annoying. It gave me the worst headache and cramp in my finger from having to constantly mash WASD with no braincells to back them up, because no person's brain can process the amount of cluster♥♥♥♥ that hits your screen. Leading on from that, the back of my eye essentially melted. It felt like the game placed a Bunsen burner on the back of my retina for two hours in the name of 'science'.
So why'd you play it if annoyed you so? Trading Cards
Nononono!! That was the original
reason but I felt a determination within me. The more I played the game, the more I felt sorry for our little protagonist. I didn't feel sorry for the fact it was being attacked by terrible antagonists and ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ enemies. No... I felt sorry for it because this insect was the only one willing to stand up against the diabolical developers. Each time I'd hear his little 'Zooooooo' upon death, it ripped my heart in half. This poor little thing, did not deserve such an existence. It was brought into the world to suffer. Nothing more, nothing less.
Why? Why would you make such a game? The only concept is to endlessly torture a little lonely insect whom is controlled by someone raging and crying over the fact that they 'JUST HIT THE ♥♥♥♥ING BICYCLE WHEEL, EVEN THOUGH IT WAS BLOODY DODGED, WITH A SHIELD TOO!' The fact is... no one can defend this poor little creature. No one can defend against amazingly overpowered gun wielding purple cockroaches, whilst having spikes on the map that when touched with an iota amount... kills you.
To rap up this 'review':
I GOT IT FOR FREE AND STILL THINK IT'S OVERPRICED, DO NOT-- I REPEAT, DO NOT BUY THIS GAME. DO NOT ACCEPT THIS GAME AS GIFT! DO NOT EVEN LOOK AT THE GAME'S STEAM PAGE AGAIN! 'But wait, I already have it in my inventory, how do I remove it?'
Delete your Steam account.'Hang on, what am I supposed to take from this review?' 'This game is the work of Satan.'
Thank you and goodbye my little insect protagonist friend, hopefully someone will conquer this game and give you justice you truly deserve