They took him! They took the butt ugly bloke who was squatting in the bathroom! The one who kept insisting that the sun's burning heat was cleansing the Earth of sin and, totally unconnected from that I assume, was divorced. Those hazmat-suited fiends! I ought to give them a piece of my mind.

I bloody well will do, just as soon as I've worked out who's turned two of my other guests into neatly arranged bin bags of dead parts. My suspicions are firmly lodged at the feet of the toothless and fish-faced nun who ended up the only one in that room left alive, and my trigger finger's itchy.

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Remember when Blue Protocol died last year? And remember how it was brought back to life only a few months later as Blue Protocol: Star Resonance? It's not often that such a turnaround happens, so you have to count your blessings when they do. And now, almost a year on from that, following a recent beta test, this retitled version of the game has a release date.

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Hollow Knight: Silksong's second patch is here ahead of an impeding full release, with Team Cherry having shared the notes and initiated Steam beta testing. No balancing tweaks this time around, just a bunch more handy bug fixes that're well worth being aware of.

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Be very, very quiet. Yes, I know this is being yelled from a page on a video game website that at least five people have heard of, so it's hardly hush-hush, but if Randy keeps shouting unhinged things at people about PC specs, I think we might slip under the radar.

There's a Borderlands 4 build. It's a bit broken, and can reportedly down bosses in a click of your fingers by doing a craptonne of damage. I am telling you this information now. The game's director is aware of the quirk at the heart of this slapping-up setup, and I've a sneaking suspicion it might be tweaked soon.

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I maintain that the bounties of Hollow Knight: Silksong’s drum-tight action and hyper-intricate world exploration ultimately outweigh its repeated acts of smirking sadism. It’s a fine dining restaurant where the waiters insist on bashing your kneecaps out with claw hammers before serving the most delightful, perfectly layered mille-feuille you’ve had in your life. It’sh delishush>, you mumble through a full mouth and agonised tears.

Still, sometimes I’ll fancy a taste of the good stuff without necessarily having my skeleton destroyed. To that end, I’ve been taking regular breaks from Silksong’s usual heroics to pursue the simpler life of a package courier for Pharloom’s surviving insects.

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...And so the thick snow feels like a sweet variant of obscuration: an invitation to go make my own footprints. The signs are blanketed to invisibility or missing entirely, though I wouldn't know the difference in weather this insistent. But: Easy Delivery Co.'s map is very good. And by very good, I mean it tells me slightly less than what I want to know at all times.

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