When the historians of the future cast their cyber-eyes over the deluge of stupidity we encrusted upon the primitive internet, they will see that our fables, our moral storytelling, was mostly conducted with flashing colours and double-jumps. Yes, videogames have adopted the moralistic finger-wagging of fairytales and Victorian novels, for better or for worse. They have taught us a lot about ourselves and our place in the world. Here are 13 of the “best” moral lessons from PC games. Yes, you may take notes.

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After a long silence and one small final update, Keen Software House have declared Medieval Engineers done and shoved it out the door. First launched in 2015, the build ‘n’ siege sandbox hadn’t seen a substantial update in the past year year of early access while Keen focused on its sci-fi sibling, Space Engineers. Keen had insisted that Medieval Engineers wasn’t abandoned but now with one final round of bug fixes, they’ve called it quits. Welp!

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For reasons, Space Engineers got its hooks into me last week. I had plans to fly around in space exploring, salvaging, and maybe pirating some rich jerks. But I started on a Mars-y orange planet (I am assured that Mars is not actually red, just its atmosphere), and had to get to space first. Well, first I had to figure out how the game worked, which was needlessly difficult, but whinge moan complain, that’s not what I’m here to talk about. I’m here to talk about what I built.

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Everyone loves a good RPG right? Compelling dialogue, interesting choices, the gradual accumulation of power to defeat a big baddie. Problem is proper, deep ones take years to make and are becoming rarer all the time. So what s the solution? Simple: hack other games into being RPGs!

I m not talking about modding, or other feats of technological wizardry. I’m taking about shoe-horning an RPG into existing games in the name of fun, with just your imagination. I recently put this into practise as the Game Master, ODD the robot, on the adventures of the Wastes Of Space. I helped some of RPS’s staffers have some ridiculous space RPG shenanigans, in a sandbox game about physics and engineering. And you can make your own fun just like this! How you may ask? Well, with these five surprisingly detailed steps.

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COMMANDER’S LOG: SPACE TIME 9333333333333-[[[[[CHECKSUM ERROR>: l ’ }}#….[

Alice B: Oh no>. I’m back here. It takes me a minute to work out where “here” is, but my hindbrain’s way ahead of me, already shuddering in revulsion. I’m in the bloody spider. Or rather, the gigantic vessel that looked> like one. The name comes to my tongue like acid reflux: The Loveless>. My self-built prison, and my only hope of escape from this life. There’s the revulsion again, as I remember more. The planet. The drills. Those godawful, squabbling buffoons who call themselves my crew. The helper android, ODD. And the mission.

The mission! Adrenaline surges through me, and I lurch from my bed. The mission! We were mining gold>, for those heartless suits who sent us here to the rotten edge of space. A ton of the wretched stuff, or else they were going to send drones to liquidate us. When I went to sleep, we were way under quota, and our time was almost up. We’ve got to get to work! I’m punching in an emergency broadcast to the crew, when I stop in my tracks. The space clock’s looking a bit funny. In fact, everything’s> looking a bit funny. That’s when Security Officer Crowley wakes up, and things get really weird.

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Previously on Wastes of Space: Science officer Cox went rogue, sabotaging the moving base Loveless while the others slept, and fleeing to set up shop by himself in the distant mountains. After an initial panic, Commander Bee and Security Officer Crowley got the damage under control, and even got the base moving at last. After the inevitable flip onto its back, it got underway properly and set off on a mission of vengeance, only to be menaced by a sinister black aircraft…>

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Previously on Wastes of Space: Hapless astronauts Alice B, Alice L, Matt and Nate were duped into signing up for a one-way mission to the distant exoplanet known as Horace s World. Alas, they were not there to make new lives for themselves among the stars, as they believed – they were indentured labour, bound to mine 1,000kg of gold and launch it into orbit for their sponsor: the rapacious megacorp Royal Planetary Services.

Despite their foibles (Science Officer Matt believes he is a god, while Security Officer Nate – who turned out to be >a clone of Science Officer Matt – is fixated on dungeons), they ve managed to survive against the odds, thanks to the help of the enigmatic android ODD. When we left them last, the colonists had just bedded down for the night in the belly of their freshly built mobile mining base, the Loveless…>

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Last time on Wastes of Space: In need of a mobile base, the gang started building a colossal metal spider called the >Loveless>, in homage to Commander Bee’s favourite film. Real spiders showed up, causing some consternation, and a lovely bedroom was build inside the giant spider’s bum.

SECURITY OFFICER S LOG: SPACE TIME 10438494-3383398

Nate: Today starts like every other day on Horace s world: I open up my space laptop, open my space mail, and stare vacantly at the latest missive from Brent, wondering how we ll ever fulfill this maniac s thirst for gold.

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Last time on Wastes of Space: While the rest of their crew languished indoors with moon mumps, Matt and Nate built cars and had a big silly race. They even tried to become friends, but it all got a bit toxically masculine and led to seething resentment. In any case, Matt won, and was awarded the rights to design the colonists new mobile base…>

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Last time on Wastes Of Space: The RPS crew managed to firm up their toehold in the alien hills of Horace s World, under the tutelage of their peculiar assistance droid, ODD. Survey Officer Ligz went on an ill-fated mineral-seeking expedition, Science Officer Cox decided he was a god, and the increasingly authoritarian Security Officer Crowley used all the crew s metal to make a hooning great space prison. >

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