Max Payne zooms back into our consciousnesses with the appearance of Alan Wake. But stupid stinky Alan Wake is only on 360, and Max Payne is still available for the PC. Does it hold up nearly a decade on? I attempt to answer that question, and also to mock the hilarious writing for as long as I can bear. It begins:

“The third-person shooter had been our first dance with Bullet Time. Sure, we’ve all been to bed with the gimmick now, but this was the first flirtation. For reasons unknown, Payne could enter a slow-motion world like a hand enters an oven glove. It doesn’t stay forever, but it can handle a lot more heat when it’s there. Able to react in real-time, it allowed Max to demonstrate his super-reflexes, filling enemies with bullets like he was making bullet pie with a human crust.”

You can read the rest here.