Well lah-di-dah, look at Lady Croft, hob-nobbing with ancient Egyptian gods. Don’t Horus and Isis know what she gets up to at weekends? She stole that dinner set too, you know. You can still see the bloodstains. I can’t imagine why they’re keeping company with her. For all I know gods are fond of that blood and murder, though. Dreadful heathens. I tell you Alice dear, I wanted them to turn down my invitation to afternoon tea.

Deary me, sorry readers. I popped out the room to make a cuppa before tackling the announcement of Lara Croft and the Temple of Osiris and my grandmother Alice (it’s a family name) starts trying to send me an e-mail about a video game as if the characters and events contained within were real ha ha grandmother what a hackneyed literary device.

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Welcome, friends! Welcome. Come in. Take a seat. Here at Crazy Tom Braider’s Gently Used Car and Videogame Emporium, we have everything you could possibly want to suit your baddie-horde-bashing, 2000-year-old-Mayan-warrior-co-oping needs. We also have one car, but that’s not for sale because it’s mine. Then again, I suppose that Lara Croft and the Guardian of Light isn’t technically for sale either, given that it’s actually free-to-play by way of this crazy ad-powered Core Online gadgetmowhatsit. Yessir, our prices are craaaaaazy. And by that I mean kind of confusing.

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Coo, at last, the completely excellent Lara Croft & The Guardian Of Light has online co-op. Quite how it didn’t ship with this feature – something pretty essential to its core design – is a mystery. But it’s finally there now, and since you’ll have bought it via Steam it’ll automagically update the next time you load the grey gaming window. This’ll let you play the game with a chum, which I’d rather like to do now please. There’s also a few other tweaks, including graphical and audible improvements, refining of both mouse/keyboard and controller input, and general stability. So good!