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Blast Off to Uranus and Save Earth from the Vampire Pirates!

Suit up, Commander! Humanity is under attack by the Sexy Vampire Pirates from Uranus — and only you can stop them in this epic retro-style 2D side-scrolling adventure, jam-packed with classic arcade action and absurd British comedy.

The Backstory

Long ago, a powerful race of spacefaring vampires built ZetaZania — a sprawling space station orbiting Uranus. Under the rule of the flamboyantly fearsome King Scrotomus Maximus, society became a twisted dystopia where beauty reigns supreme and humans are kidnapped for their blood — the key ingredient in their eternal "Life Elixir."

Now, with help from the magical Divine Sisters of the Mighty Moons, the Vampire Pirates are launching daily invasions on Earth. Fear spreads, and humanity is on the brink.

You Are Our Last Hope

As Earth's highest-ranking space officer, it's your mission to blast your way to Uranus, fight through their freakish forces, and put an end to this madness once and for all.

Retro-Inspired, Fast-Paced Action

Jump, blast, and dodge your way through 60 levels of explosive arcade-style gameplay — just like the classics you grew up with, but smoother and snappier than ever.

Explore the Depths of ZetaZania
Conquer 7 bizarre and dangerous locations:

• The Transportation Factories

• The Scientific Laboratories

• The Department of Sexiness

• The Divine Sisters of the Mighty Moons

• The Sacred Few

• The Queen’s Palace

• The King’s Lair

Each zone offers new enemies, brutal traps, and wild bosses.

Collect Power Crystals

Find and collect Power Crystals to activate level portals and upgrade your arsenal in the Portal Shop. New weapons = more boom.

Puzzle Your Way Forward

Solve visual puzzles to unlock hidden upgrades and confront a mysterious foe who offers peculiar trades.

Save Earth, Destroy Uranus

This is it — the fight for humanity. Prepare for laughs, laser blasters, and ludicrous lore as you become the saviour Earth. Are you ready to destroy Uranus?

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This game contains sexually suggestive imagery and language, sexual innuendo, heavily stylised 2D cartoon-style pixellated nudity in background artwork as well as mild cartoon-style violence and mild themes of horror.
Parental discretion is advised for younger players.
Please be aware of the game's themes and content before playing. Always ensure that the game is suitable for you or the intended player.