Meet Woody Two-Legs, the least infamous pirate of Seven Seas. Things have never gone quite right for Woody. That is, until he scored big time and got his hands on huge treasure. Sailing to remote island, Woody was about to bury his treasure, just as any good pirate would do.
User reviews:
Mixed (49 reviews) - 57% of the 49 user reviews for this game are positive.
Release Date: Nov 2, 2010

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Buy Woody Two-Legs: Attack of the Zombie Pirates


About This Game

Meet Woody Two-Legs, the least infamous pirate of Seven Seas. Things have never gone quite right for Woody. That is, until he scored big time and got his hands on huge treasure. Sailing to remote island, Woody was about to bury his treasure, just as any good pirate would do.
Unfortunately, it turned out that the original owner of the treasure, namely Mr. Jones and his retinue of undead pirates, caught up with Woody. Small as he might be, Woody Two-Legs will not going to give up without a fight.
Help Woody Two-Legs to fight wave after wave of undead pirates, defeat deadly bosses, collect bonuses and use devastating special weapons. All legs on deck!
Key Features:
  • Chase the high scores on the online scoreboard and don’t settle for anything less than the Best of the Best
  • Unlock the various difficulty levels ultimately ending up in the extremely insane Nightmare-mode
  • Check in on a regular basis to make sure no one has dethroned your score, or then to simply make it better and harder to beat “Defeat your friends & foes on the online scoreboard”
  • Follow the story of Woody Two-Legs trough the exiting campaign mode or play your favorite level in the Level play mode
  • Fight the evil forces of Mr. Jones on several different levels of intensity
  • Face the zombies, skeletons and ghosts ships and their grim bosses and finally face off with Mr. Jones himself
Woody Two-Legs is a casual score chasing arcade shooter that offers the player various degrees of un-lockable difficulty, building gradually on intensity with wave after wave of attack by the retinue of undead pirates and their unholy allies. Part of the addiction lies in the fact that these enemies become increasingly nasty as the player unlocks the various difficulty modes, ultimately facing up against the man himself in the ultimate boss fight in Nightmare Mode.

System Requirements

    • OS: Windows 7 / Vista / XP
    • Processor: 2.0 GHz Core Duo or equivalent
    • Memory: 2 GB RAM
    • Hard Disk Space: 4 GB
    • Video Card: 256 MB of dedicated memory with support for pixel shader 3.0. NVIDIA 7800 or equivalent
    • Sound Card: DirectX9 compatible
    • Controller Support: 3-button mouse, keyboard and speakers
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Mixed (49 reviews)
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Most Helpful Reviews  Overall
29 of 36 people (81%) found this review helpful
3 people found this review funny
Not Recommended
1.0 hrs on record
Posted: January 27, 2014
With a name like Woody Two-Legs: Attack of the Zombie Pirates I don't believe anyone actually expected this to be a good game. Even still I was hopeful that I would be able to find some dumb fun hidden underneath the ridiculous title and obvious low development budget, but alas Woody Two-Legs is nothing of the sort. What we have instead is a poorly designed and repetitive game, with impressively low production values and confusing controls that is above all else very, very boring.

As scoundrel pirate Woody Two-Legs, out pillaging ships on Halloween night, you mistakenly taken the treasure of Davy Jones and raised his scourge of undead minions determined to get it back. As is the case with most pirates Woody isn't about to let go of his loot, and so a desperate back and forth begins that you unfortunately must take part of.

Woody plays like something of a twin-stick shooter, with waves of enemies approaching from all sides attempting to make off with the treasure on the island in the middle and sink your ship in the process. The difference here is that you are controlling a ship, and as such have to account for the time it takes to turn as well as only being able to fire from your side cannons. It almost sounds like an interesting concept, until you actually attempt to play it and realize how unnecessarily confusing it makes everything.

Controlling your ship is very awkward and hard to do with any sort of precision, and shooting enemies is even more frustrating do to having to retrain your brain to remember which way your ship is facing and then choose the right side to shoot out of (when you are constantly turning around, remembering which was is left and right is much more challenging than it sounds like). Even if you manage to get the controls down, the gameplay just isn't fun. Enemies come in three barely indistinct varieties, with the only difference being if their end objective is to kill or steal from you, providing no satisfaction to destroy and disappearing in a puff of white smoke. Each of the five level plays and looks exactly the same with no variation save the boss at the end (which also repeat after a point) and how dark it is, and which take an agonizing 10-20 minutes to complete with no change to enemies patterns or any other means to revitalize the experience (which is already tiring after the first few moments).

I was willing to give Woody a chance despite every indication it would be a horrible time, but it surpassed even my low expectations. Paradox has released a lot of forgettable games and this is one of the worst; an astonishingly monotonous experience that not even the combination of zombies and pirates could save.

Yes it's cheap, dirt cheap even during sales; no it is not worth your time, money, or the braincells you will lose trying to play it.
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11 of 12 people (92%) found this review helpful
7.3 hrs on record
Posted: December 9, 2015
Appearing simple, casual and fun, and with a catchy title, Woody Two-Legs: Attack of the Zombie Pirates seems like a fun in-and-out kind of game; the only thing missing seem to be ninjas and robots. As Woody Two-Legs, you find a magnificent treasure. And like any serious pirate out there you feel the undeniable urge to take the treasure to a lush island, dig a hole and bury it. Something like a medieval pension fund, I suppose. Of course, it’s not that easy. The treasure appears to belong to Mr. Jones, an evil spirit set on retaking what’s his, sending out his undead flotilla of zombies, skeletons and ghosts.

The gameplay is rather simple. You control Woody’s pirate ship using either the keyboard, or a gamepad if you desire so. You can make the boat go faster and slower, and turn left and right relative to the boat’s orientation. ike any stereotypical pirate ship you have some serious firepower on board. Your goal is to defend your treasure from the invading boats, shooting them down with cannonballs. However, the trick is that you can only fire sideways. I suppose Woody didn’t think of a front-mounted cannon, but fear not: in addition to your trusty rusty cannonballs you can obtain “superweapons” ranging from homing dolphins to sticky webs and sea mines. In additional to your cannons and superweapons, you have the ability to sail over boxes with a chance of picking up an power-up. These temporary upgrades allow you to fire more powerful cannonballs or make you go faster (or the enemy go slower).

All-in-all, these elements make up for some hectic moments, as you need to manage defending your treasure, blasting enemy waves down to size and your position on the battlefield all at the same time. It sounds easier than it is, I found. There were a couple of things that bothered me when playing Woody Two-Legs. First of all, the level design is pretty poor. Now I’m not saying they should have designed that large body of water better, but I mean the actual parts that are land. Besides the main island on which your treasure lies, there can be some strips of land surrounding the island. When your boat bumps into land it bounces off, and sometimes with great speed. I even got stuck between the island and a land strip, bouncing back and forth uncontrollably.

Something else that got me a bit on edge a couple of times is the fact that enemies can drop power-ups of all sorts. I don’t think I had mentioned that there can be power-downs as well. When an enemy has stolen your treasure, you have a chance of retrieving it by quickly destroying their boat and looting the money box. I swear, there was an incredible amount of occasions where a “bad box” would spawn right next to a “money box”, to the extent that it would be extremely difficult to grab the money without getting a bad spell in the heat of the battle. This often made going after lost treasure not worthwhile, as the risk of getting slowed down, frozen, or even a flat gold loss was too high. You would risk not being able to make it to the other side of the map to kill the other wave of looters in time, resulting in even more gold loss. I suppose it’s up to you to make that decision, which does add some strategic flavor to the game.

Other than some things that irritated me, the gameplay is rather simple and solid. When you die, you simply respawn at the cost of a very small amount of gold. I think you’ll probably worry more over the time it takes to respawn than the amount of gold, as every precious second counts when half a dozen looters are sucking your treasure dry. Just think of a sideways shooting Asteroids and you have the basic idea.The game features 5 levels, each increasing in difficulty. In story mode, you take the amount of gold left in your treasure on to the next level. If you manage to play through the 5 levels and still have treasure left you win.

The graphics are simplistic but very functional. When fighting ghost ships it’s hard to see whether they have stolen your gold (a boat starts glowing when they have) since the ghost ships glow by default. Other than that the graphics really aren’t that special, but they serve their purpose and definitely aren’t ugly. How can it be though, that the game starts lagging after a while? The frame rate starts out rather smooth and gradually deteriorates until the laggy display even affects your responsiveness and controls. Since there were no options to set different graphics settings, I just went with it. I suspect a memory leak somewhere (as the game runs just fine the first 15 minutes), however I cannot simply blame the game without any proof.

Like the graphics, the audio isn’t that special, it serves a purpose and does not become annoying. Others may not agree with me but I personally find the latter one of the more important aspects of a game. Music or sound effects should be functional and most of all never annoy the crap out of you during playing. They should add to the immersion, not take away from it. The music is nicely pirate-themed, the sound effects fit the gameplay and they never got to annoy me. Part of the game is voice-acted, and has a certain humorous flair to it, which I could appreciate. Each level has a really short story as well, but this wasn’t voiced-over. It wouldn’t have been much of an effort to voice these, and sure would’ve kept the same nice vibe of the introduction. All-in-all, nothing negative about the audio aspects of Woody Two-Legs.

The user interface is tidy and functional. A rather good insight in your boat’s condition (hit points), the amount of gold left in your treasure, time until next enemy wave, your score, and currently selected superweapon. The controls are simple: whether you play on gamepad or keyboard, one hand controls your boat’s movement, while the other controls your cannons and superweapons. Space pauses the game and escape brings up the menu. Your boat’s movement responds fairly well to your controls. Keeping in mind that it’s a boat, there is some delay in how fast you can turn initially. Picking up power-up boxes can get quite frustrating but this is just a matter of practicing your movement with Woody’s boat.

Woody Two-Legs and the Pirate Zombies is rather short. That said, it’s only 4,99€, and so I must say it’s still a very good value game. The main reason is that its initial difficulty, and the ability to increase the difficulty as you get better allows you to replay the game a couple of times while remaining challenged. The scoreboard adds extra replayability, as you may want to break your personal records, or those of others. You can play each level individually out of story mode, although you have to unlock them first through playing the story. As a casual in-and-out game, Woody Two-Legs will give you the fun you’d expect for its price.
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17 of 27 people (63%) found this review helpful
2 people found this review funny
Not Recommended
4.4 hrs on record
Posted: January 24, 2015
How I managed to complete Woody Two-Legs, is beyond me, the controls alone make this a terrible game. It would of been a joy to play if they allowed you to shoot with the mouse, but no have to use the arrow keys(?) why...?!

The aim of the game is to protect your chest of gold on an island from waves of enemy pirate ships that try and steal it, and you have to fend them off, each ship you destroy will drop a "chest", granting either a power-up, score multiplier, or more money.

There are plenty of better shooting games out there than this, so don't bother wasting your time on it, unlike me....
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9 of 12 people (75%) found this review helpful
Not Recommended
1.7 hrs on record
Posted: January 8, 2014
This game is extremely terrible. It is repetitive beyond belief. Every stage is the same boring thing with the same boring enemies, just more of them.

There are only a handful of item upgrades, which are all extremely temporary, and some of them are terrible. The giant web is the worst of them all for the fact you can get stuck in it and it lasts what feels like forever. Although, it is good for the boss fights.

The ship collision is the worst thing in the game. When you bump into a ship you spin into a random direction. You can also get stuck between the islands for a good period of time while you are bouncing around between ships and land trying to get free.

The basic price is ridiculous for what you get. Do not buy, even on a sale. The game is complete garbage at any price.
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9 of 14 people (64%) found this review helpful
2.2 hrs on record
Posted: September 21, 2014
-very hard game (controls and design)
-so hard; 'casual' tag not for difficulty but for depth

-satisfying when you sink ships
-you are a pirate

improvements that would make me pre-order a sequel:
-twin-stick movement/aiming (full controller support)
-local co-op
-non-gold-protection gameplay
-perks like in COD or altitude (really any kind of expanded ship options instead of only powerups from fallen enemies)
-more seamonsters
-shareable/editable custom maps/challenges of player-chosen compositions/strategies of enemies etc
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6 of 9 people (67%) found this review helpful
1 person found this review funny
Not Recommended
0.8 hrs on record
Posted: October 30, 2011
Too few stages that last too long (and they even reuse bosses somehow with only five levels). Imagine the world's least controllable twin-stick shooter with a side of base-defense and you've got this game in a nutshell. I cannot in any way advise purchasing or playing this title, and would in fact recommend you spend the $1.25 it costs on sale to purchase a tiny plastic knife and stab yourself in the balls/♥♥♥♥ as needed to remind yourself of the fun you could be having with this game.
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3 of 4 people (75%) found this review helpful
Not Recommended
5.9 hrs on record
Posted: February 19, 2015
In this wave-based action defense game you are the Captain Woody of a little pirate ship. Consequently he has two wooden legs, but that's not really important - it's a joke like most of the game's story content.

Woody stole some gold from the mighty pirate captain Davy Jones. Unfortunately for Woody, Jones sends his armada of sea monsters and ships commanded by various undead to bring the gold back. You have to sail and cannon away at the enemy ships, which there are maybe ten different types, most of them seemingly little more than re-skins of the basic type, though their behaviour does vary a bit.

It is really an armada: there are tens or even hundreds of ships sailing against you each level. This is alright (Woody doesn't really care for realism) but for the fact that the waves of enemies come from four different directions and the waves don't wait for the previous ones to die before emerging. Depending on your mindset, this is either challenging or just frustrating.

Some of the ships concentrate on attacking you, while others race for stealing the gold and you have to stop them fast because you lose if you run out of gold. Initially I thought dying would be final but soon I realized I only lost a tiny bit of gold as a punishment and the ships steal way more than that, making life count little in your quest for keeping hold of the gold.

Destroyed ships drop power-ups that either benefit or punish you depending on their colour. They contain various weapons from mines to kamikaze dolphins. The webs can be frustrating as they stay in place for a really long time and all the ships, including yours, get stuck in them.

This brings us to the controls: they are wonky at best. You can steer left or right, go two different speeds or stop. You can also shoot to both sides. Steering and moving is the wonky part, because the ship takes a brief moment to register your steering maneuver. Don't get me wrong: this is actually realistic. It just makes the steering a chore, making it tedious to hit the power-ups. The worse part is the two-tiered speed scheme: you either go quite slowly or a bit too fast. Gaben help you if you grab a speed power-up, because it doubles your speed but it will stay two-tiered. Speed bonus is often useful trying to reach the next wave of ships before they reach the island, but it makes it difficult to avoid your own mines and webs and to maneuver into a decent shooting position, deteriorating your attacks into crazy sail-by-shootings where most cannon balls miss their targets.

Levels consist of a single island with your treasure and maybe a reef or two, making them very bland and repetitive. Hitting a reef or the island makes you and enemy ships bounce off of them harmlessly. The same goes for hitting an enemy ship, so unfortunately there are no ramming maneuvers either. Only real differences between levels are the reskins of the enemy ships: three different behaviours with different outlook. It appears that later levels also have more enemy ships. Every level also has a different boss, making it the only thing to wait for. They will probably kill you numerous times before you win them, but what gives, you just respawn to attack them again, slowly grinding their health down.

By the way, in the story mode the gold you lost will stay lost between levels, so you might lose the whole story if you lost too much gold in the early levels. The game is challenging but unfortunately rather boring after a while. The story is silly and recited between levels by a person who sounds either bored or over-dramatic.

All in all, I completed the game in some 5 hours in easy, medium and hard settings but didn't bother with the nightmare, because I had obtained all the achievements by then. It could have been much more interesting with ship and reef collisions, less numerous but more dangerous enemies and outsmartable but challenging bosses - now kraken was the only one who qualified.

I can't really recommend this game but if you get it for really cheap (e.g. in a bundle like I did) you may waste a couple of hours on it. The only thing I liked a bit was the only slightly annoying, jolly tune you listen to while blasting the undead ships.
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1 of 1 people (100%) found this review helpful
0.9 hrs on record
Posted: May 29, 2013
I purchased this whilst incredibly hungover, in another dimension, that's how hungover I was. The two hours I spent with the game almost seem like a dream to me now, the music, the graphics, the bosses, the memories, I can't exactly recommend the title but it's most definitely a nostalgic one.
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6 of 12 people (50%) found this review helpful
0.5 hrs on record
Posted: December 17, 2011
Meh. I wasn't quite sure what I could expect when starting this game, I was hoping for a real pirate adventure somehow, but instead I got a last stand sort of game where you have to protect your gold for as long as you can. Fun for a couple of minutes, it has no real depth.

[Rating: 62/100]
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7 of 15 people (47%) found this review helpful
1.9 hrs on record
Posted: June 13, 2014
pretty fun. though they make it impossible to win without any piratses stealing your gold
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Recently Posted
4.0 hrs
Posted: February 6, 2015
This is a fun little game to kill time with. The only real objective is to beat high scores and the gameplay would get dull if you sat playing it for a long time in one sitting. It's fun to log in every so often and beat friends high scores though. I would like to have the option to toggle the leaderboard between global and friends list as it can be difficult to keep track of friends scores.
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0.7 hrs
Posted: December 28, 2014
For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.

To give you all the answers on how did I come up with this conclusion, I have to give you some explanation on what this game really is:

There was a problem with moving through the story because the waves are pretty hard.

Due to the fact that the game's campaign is too difficult I decided to send a letter to the developers with a suggestion to decrease the amount of enemies in at least 50% of the levels included in the main campaign.
I even created a fan made website with more than 150 thousand of people participating.
I created the Woody Two-Legs AotZP league with the overall price of $50.000.

In the game I got a problem with finding all the controls.
I mean, yeah, there is the level 1 guide, but controls are not fully listed and described.
The complicated system is taking an advantage of the player's skill.

After hundreds of hours of thinking about these things I decided to move on and create something.
The guide was the answer:

Of course, I want let people get all the information just by reading a simple guide.
That is why even if you mastered out everything considering this guide, you still have to find much more by playing this game, by doing it yourself.

This is the way of a true explorer. Whether you are a pirate, adventurer or anyone else.


I would like to quote MrNinjaSquirrel (STEAM_0:0:31365676) here:

"I was willing to give Woody a chance despite every indication it would be a horrible time, but it surpassed even my low expectations. Paradox has released a lot of forgettable games and this is one of the worst; an astonishingly monotonous experience that not even the combination of zombies and pirates could save.

Yes it's cheap, dirt cheap even during sales; no it is not worth your time, money, or the braincells you will lose trying to play it."

And Soromus (STEAM_0:1:42333462):

"Not sure why I bought this. Would not make the same mistake twice unless I had children to play it."

And, finally, some harsh words from meQal (STEAM_0:1:72945885):

"It's fun for about an hour or so then it just gets repetative and dull. Not worth spending the time I wasted playing this piece of crap."

Thank you.
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0.5 hrs
Posted: December 7, 2014
Very clever, old school, artistically brilliant, and game play is moderate, but may be the maker of the controller though, 360 has stiff sticks.
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Something Amyss
0.7 hrs
Posted: April 16, 2014
I won't get into story, graphics, or sound. The dealbreaker for me was that the sailing and combat were tedious. I expcted a fun casual shooter with a pirate theme, but what I got was a chore.
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Grim Tsukasa
0.2 hrs
Posted: February 24, 2014
looks funny, plays odd overall not really that good of a game...... maybe if it was released as a free flash game with most of its contect ripped out and replaced with something thats fun for more then 10 minutes.....nah even then after a few minutes youll be bored and wondering why your cursing yourself to play garbage that came free when purchasing a massive pack of actuallly playable games. dont buy this please, it might give people the wrong opinion of paradox actually good company with some fails. this being the biggest.
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