Teslagrad is not> an open world survival game. Not quite every game coming out over the last two weeks has been an open world early access survival thing>, but a herd of the blighters recently galloped onto Steam. If you peer through a set of binoculars, you’ll be able to see them, running through a procedurally generated valley and chipping away at the voxels. Don’t look too closely at Rust though, unless you want to see lots of bare naked bums and willies.

But Teslagrad is not an open world survival game. It’s a puzzle-platformer and an exceedingly handsome one. Out on Steam now, there’s 20% off the 6.99 price tag for the next couple of days and a demo is available. John was rubbish> at the demo.

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Here s the premise of the Hyrule: Total War mod for Medieval II: Total War Kingdoms. Link, the hero of Hyrule, has tooted some somber notes on his Ocarina and vanished into the past, presumably on a mission to assassinate Navi s grandfather. The rest of Hyrule, comprised of 20 different factions, is competing to fill the Link-shaped void. The result is like something out of fevered fanfic, where the Deku can battle Darknuts, where the Ghoma can invade the Gerudo, and where someone with a long-standing Zelda-based grudge can finally settle the score. (more…)

As expected after a few non-moving screenshots and some of those positively primitive runes otherwise known as “words,” developer Ice Water Games has elected to release a trailer of upcoming survivalthing Eidolon. And oh what a trailer it is. It really does look like a gloomier, more traditionally “game”-like Proteus, riddled with gnarled scraps of our culture’s smoldering past for good measure. Like a butterfly all done up in goth makeup, this one’s beautifully serene but it’s also got moods>. See snippets of hunting, gathering, and exploration below.

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INT: Valve HQ, midnight. GABE NEWELL, DOUG LOMBARDI, MARC LAIDLAW, CHET FALISZEK, ERIK WOLPAW, ROBIN WALKER, SAXTON HALE and MR G. MANN sit astride their genetically-engineered red and black-striped lynx, supping liquid gold from goblets carved out of velicoraptor skulls.>

NEWELL: Gentlemen! I have gathered you here today to discuss my gravest concern. The day we have long awaited is here.

ALL: [Anxious muttering, some shouting.]>

NEWELL: [Holds up a hand. The room falls quiet immediately.]> No, please, silence. It’s true. The time has come. We have made… [bows head. In pride? In shame? In reverence?>] We have made enough money. We need no more. There is nothing we could do with more. Nothing is beyond our reach. Our work is done. Complete our last remaining project, and then we shall shut the doors on our mighty empire. (more…)

Someday, we will all probably be made of Lego bricks. Based on the ceaseless, inevitable march of Traveler’s Tales’ “Lego The Thing” (not a Lego version of The Thing, which is something that absolutely needs to happen>) franchise, it’s only a matter of time. We may as well cherish what little time we have left as easily popped flesh balloons, given that we will soon be born again in jaundiced plastic. For now, though, The Hobbit is next under the Legofication Ray, and it’s looking, well, like The Hobbit, only sillier and made of blocks. Watch the first trailer of Lego The Hobbit below.

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Dave Johnston is best known for creating de_dust and de_dust 2, but he also made other maps for Counter-Strike. No, I’m not talking about cs_tire, the reddish-brown retirement home which was cut from an early beta. (That’s me establishing my CS credentials). I mean de_cbble, the quaint castle-set map.

Over on the Counter-Strike: Global Offensive blog, the CS:GO team have written about their work in re-creating and updating de_cbble for the new game, alongside an entirely new map they’re adding soon. They say mean things about the old de_cbble. (more…)

The bulk of Assassin’s Creed III’s story DLC was rather silly (though disappointingly self-serious about it), but Assassin’s Creed IV has its eyepatched sights set on much grimmer subject matter. There’s still plenty of pirating to be done, but this time the backdrop is a St. Domingue (Haiti nowadays) ruled by savage slavery. As a former slave himself, new player character and former Black Flag sidekick Ad wale naturally gets involved – though not without some initial reluctance. Given that gaming’s often wont to gloss over this sordid truth of our world, I am hopeful that Assassin’s Creed IV: Freedom Cry will tell a worthwhile tale. The fact that Assassin’s Creed: Liberation scribe Jill Murray is involved doesn’t hurt, either.

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Oh Rovio, you are such scamps! Now richer than China, the Angry Birds developers can’t seem to get enough money. Despite the income stream from Angry Birds lunch boxes, Angry Birds towels and Angry Birds flip-flops, their need to tower bundles of banknotes to reach the moon is unsated. So it is that 69p mobile game Tiny Thief has just been released on Steam for 11.99.

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This one’s the bomb.

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It’s beginning to feel a lot like Earlyaccessmas, which is the sort of buzzword holiday title that I probably deserve to be crucified for. But honestly, between Starbound, Wasteland 2, Elite: Dangerous, Blackguards, Dungeon of the Endless, and now DayZ, this is getting ridiculous. We are figuratively getting our Christmas presents early during actual Christmas. Someone must have planned it this way. That is the only possible explanation. Or everyone was just trying to capitalize on the December Dead Zone, because you can’t spell capitalize without capitalism. Wait. Never mind, just go below for a trailer and foreboding words> from the DayZ team.

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