If you can't overthrow an established alien dictatorship don't even talk to me.

Fight your demons the same way Relic fights the demons in CoH2's code. One of these is more easily said than done, hint: Relic may never fix CoH2

If I could legally punch a clown, curb-stomp his teeth out, then fly to Japan to steal HelpingHans' computer, that might be as fun as this game.

You make gun to use cops also civilians There's a lot of DLC just like CoH2

I'm complete garbage at this game but for some reason every top CoH player has this game and play it daily so there must be something to this game.

I'm not allowed to directly recommend Kantai Collection but this is the closest thing to that so go play Kantai Collection but consider this game too.

I don't know much about this game, but every time I beat somebody in coh they always say, "F*** this, I'm gonna go play civ V. bg" so it must be good

You bought the wrong game. You're supposed to buy Tales of Valor to play multiplayer, IDIOT. This is just single-player.