November goes on. The cavalcade of belles, brutes and barons that is Videogaming continues its push through the midnight forest. Spiderwebs wrap the axles of the gala coaches in which the optimates of Ubisoft, Microsoft and EA drink from lavender flutes, turning their bloodshot eyes from the QA staff powering their barrows through the ruck. The faces of the common developers are a moth-eaten ribbon of quiet striving and terrible hope. The guards form a torchlit embroidery. Every so often, a torch goes out, and the wych elms generate new fruits. The stones in the road cant against our strides. The skulls of live service games burst beneath our wheels, and the analysts in the pageant wagons moan that the future lies behind us now.

Read more

Sundays are for waking up alongside a hilariously beautiful partner. They turn over and whisper softly in your ear that the pair of you should rob a bank. You agree, if only because of the heavenly way in which they roll the R in rob on their tongue as they say it. You buy matching ski masks and shotguns from a totally regular man in a car park. The next thing you know, you're pressing two barrels up against the plastiglass of a window and screaming at a terrified clerk to stick it all the fucking bag. You call out to your partner in an effort to ascertain how long it'll be until the cops show up. "I am delayed," they respond in a brick-like monotone. What? You wheel around. They're standing in the middle of the foyer, t-posed in a manner which provokes questions about their treatment of workers. "I am delayed," they repeat. You turn back around. Thump.

You're flung onto your back, and a dull pain begins to throb on the right side of your stomach. The bank manager, Adrian Edmondson, stands over you pointing the shotgun you formerly wielded at your head. "The fuzz are en-route, you utter baasssstard" he bellows, seductively rolling the R in bastard. "Any last words?"

Read more

MiHoYo appear to be eternally busy. After printing copious amounts of money with games like Genshin Impact and Honkai: Star Rail, they are continuing to do so with future releases like Petit Planet (or Not Animal Crossing) and Honkai: Nexus Anima (Not Pokemon). Now, it turns out, they're also working on an MMO, seemingly codenamed Genesis, that seemingly in some capacity incorporates AI, it's just unclear what kind.

Read more

I know, I know, change is difficult isn't it? It upset me just the other day that YouTube has changed videos so that they have rounded corners instead of being perfectly rectangular. It's sacrilegious! A feeling I will continue to have until I ultimately forget about it because life moves on to the next grievance. Still, subtle changes like that can often set some kind of internal alarm bells off, something you might have been experiencing with store pages on Steam looking a bit… wider.

Read more

Now that Halloween has passed us by, I'm looking forward to a more restful weekend. One where I don't need to turn off all the lights and hiss loudly in the dark at any young ruffians that come along to part me with my hard-earned Haribo. I'll need that Haribo for energy soon, as this is the last weekend before I move house. Time to fill it with games!

Read more

Even as the consortium led by Donald Trump's haunted finger puppet Jared Kushner and Saudi Arabia's Public Investment Fund proceed with their wildly leveraged $50 billion acquisition of Electronic Arts, Mass Effect executive producer Mike Gamble would like everybody to know that we're just fine, you guys.

Read more