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Q: How do vets in dystopian future London diagnose skin conditions in poorly hounds?

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I’ll always make it my business to check out a game if music is meaningfully integrated. From Crypt Of The NecroDancer‘s beat-hopping and Vib-Ribbon’s path-generating, to the Rock Bands and DJ Heros that clogged up all of our attics with plastic instruments, I love it all. Well… not all>.

I don’t need to tell you that Harmonix are the superstars of this world. They’re the ones that gifted us the cultural phenomenon of toy guitars, so you better believe I’ll be paying attention to whatever they release. It’s like that chart-topping act you had plastered all over your walls 20 years ago: they don’t get radio play anymore, but you’ll always give their new stuff a spin.

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Q: What’s the bravest insect?

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We are living, we are constantly told, through unprecedented times. Years like 2020 are the kind of years that make me think things like “woah, we are living through history, like, all the time>“, like a stoned 20-year-old gap year dude coming to self awareness for the first time in his life.

In Mesmer you get to be the history maker, in an old-world, European-esque city that is ruled over by a corrupt monarchy. Leading a revolution and storming the castle is, as it turns out, quite difficult, and requires a complex balancing act.

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Q: What happens when Luke Skywalker eats calamari that’s been left out of the fridge for three days?

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When Kirby inhales an enemy, he’s able to steal that character’s famous moves as well as a bit of their appearance. Now imagine a group of Kirbys, all attached to one another like some pink frog spawn, inhaling every popular game that released over the last couple of years. Then the violent eruption as Multi-Kirby belches out the result: Craftopia.

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Q: What do you call a magical action roguelike where a witch with a poor Irish accent kills zombies, pixel by simulated pixel?

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Playing Milky Way Prince made me think about people I would rather forget, and memories that will never quite stop hurting. You know, the ones about the intense, dysfunctional relationships you sometimes end up in when you’re stupid and young.

It’s a game that feels young at its core – the first commercial work of a solo developer, Lorenzo “eyeguys” Redaelli, and the first work published by developer Santa Ragione, of Wheels Of Aurelia fame. Like many young adults, it’s rough around the edges and entirely too sincere.

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Q: Which legendary American character actor starred in films such as The Deer Hunter, Catch Me If You Can, and Antz, while simultaneously hacking and slashing his way through a shattered and corrupted RPG world with no class restrictions?

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The castaways are a ragtag crew of teens: Lily is smart, Jaimie is athletic, and Oliver is charming. Sure, there’s Audrey, but she’s such a rebel and her crush on Joshua is making it tough for her to get anything done. And on the night of Day 8, Lily seems to have remembered seeing a documentary about a ritual to scare evil spirits and convinced everyone else on the island that it would be a great idea to burn all the leftover wood in the shape of an idol. Great. Now how are we going to get home?

This is Teen Island Simulator, a zero-player adaptation of the GMless pen-and-paper game, Teen Island, by Chris McDowell.

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