Let’s not pretend that Star Wars isn’t good. Answer me this: if Star Wars isn’t good, how come they got away with having BB-8 branded oranges?? Less reliably good are the official Star Wars video games. Despite throwing out some absolute bangers in the LucasArts days, or stone cold classics like Knights Of The Old Republic giving us big Force energy, the more recent quality has been varied. One could even say scandalous.

But what is this? A new single player Star Wars game? Lightsaber battles where you have to block, parry, and break your opponents guard? Levels that have an almost roguelike approach? Shorcuts and hidden secrets? And – gasp – a small robit friend? Jedi: Fallen Order, I think you and I can talk.

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I have been dead for roughly thirty seconds. I’m floating across the table from a nervous fellow ghost who is recounting his own introduction to the afterlife, when he was too agitated to figure out how the ground works and sank down through the Earth’s mantle. It’s a horrible, horrible story. I tell him so, then the bell rings and I meet my next date.

I’m playing Speed Dating For Ghosts, “a weird dating sim made by a former BioWare dev and his indie rapper friend”. A free expansion dropped over the weekend, though I haven’t seen anything from it yet. At the moment I’m busy chatting to Spooky Peter, who is going to show me something that can “spook even Spooky Peter”. Also I have agreed to rob a bank with a shark.

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Righto folks, it’s time for one last hurrah in the old Black Friday and Cyber Monday deals department. The whole cyber deals weekend may be drawing to a close here in the UK, but there are still a good few daylight hours of deals left for our friends in the US, so for those of you still searching for that must-have Cyber Monday PC gaming deal, your deals herald has rounded up all the remaining deals still worth shouting about. Yes, I’m as fatigued by the deals as you are, readers, but it will all be over soon, I promise. Just a few more hours to go, then your deals herald can finally be at peace. So let’s see out these last few Cyber Monday deals hours together, shall we? Because these are truly the best Cyber Monday PC gaming deals that just refuse to go away.

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As I write this I am on my week off, so I don’t have to be professional. Blarg bloog bleeg. You see? Not even real words. I can say what I want. They knew what would happen when they hired me. This is on them. Or, I might just openly berate you for not playing Wildermyth, a tactical RPG with turn based combat. It launched into early access a couple of weeks ago.

You’re not playing Wildermyth. Why aren’t you paying Wildermyth?

Fine. I’ll throw you a bone. Let me tell you about the Sisters of the Vine.

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The first thing you need to know about Tabletop Simulator is that it isn’t goofy physics nonsense, in the vein of goat or bread. It’s an earnest attempt to let you play board games over the internet, recreating each component rather than translating games into a digital interface.

The second thing you need to know is that, for the most part, it works.

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Did you know video games could be created using the most loathed piece of Microsoft’s suite of office software? Not only can PowerPoint (with some additional coding) run a sensible adventure or visual novel, but one of its champions is hosting a game jam on Itch.io specifically challenging others to create their own. The PowerPoint Game Jam started accepting submissions today and will remain open through December 31st.

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Winter brings out a part of me that immediately seeks a mountain of blankets in which to burrow. Even in my seasonally confused state of Texas, the weather has tended towards the chilly and left me with little excuse not to have a kettle boiling interminably as I layer on socks and pull the biggest comforter from the top of the closet. But this presents a problem likely familiar to other cozy connoisseurs: how does one game while properly bundled?

I will admit it does limit possibilities considerably. That’s why I’ve curated a small selection of games perfectly playable while your other hand keeps coffee or tea always within sipping range.

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Screenshot Saturday Sunday: a day to beat the drum for indie developers bravely sharing their projects with an often cold and uncaring internet on Twitter. You gotta respect such bravery. This week I ve brought you round cats, MS Paint horror cards, and quietly crying mecha. Let s get to it!

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Sundays are for finally going to the climbing place you and your housemate keep saying you’ll check out. Probably. Here’s the best writing about video games from the past week.

Holly Gramazio has been writing a series on how to play games, and I’m ashamed I only just noticed. The fourth installment is about how to play with people who are better than you, namely through self-balancing games. It’s got me itching to try the meditative version of I Spy.

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We’ve checked our list, we’ve checked it twice, we’ve decided which games were naughty or nice. We’ve then cursed the games on this list to reside behind the doors of an advent calendar, and only you can set them free. We’re videogames Santa, we’re out of control, and these are the best PC games of 2019.

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