PC Gamer
Saints Row 4 thumb


Saints Row 4 - which as I understand is not a biblical rowing simulator, but rather an open world WTF-'em-up - got a big ol' livestream the other day courtesy of developers Volition. See a man drive a car into a variety of things, see another man wield a giant purple dildo, and gawk at some of the game's seemingly quite fleshed-out minigames in this recording of the event, which as a bonus lets you skip ahead during some of the more boring bits. Australians: this is what the real Saints Row looks like, in case you were wondering.

If you're wary of spoilers in a Saints Row game, I'd query why you're wary of spoilers in a Saints Row game, before warning you that the following 90 minutes may contain spoilers. Otherwise, the video shows off Saints' new superpowers/anything goes focus quite nicely - if you're on the fence, you might want to give all or part of it a watch. (Ta, Blue's News.)

Crysis
Crysis 3


Crytek have temporarily taken four of their websites offline following "suspicious activity". You can no longer access Crytek.com, Mycryengine.com, Crydev.net or MyCrysis.com - basically, pretty much anything with the word 'cry' in it (er, except crysis.com) is gone until the holes are patched up. If you have an account with the latter two, you'll be asked to change your password when they return, and if you use the same password anywhere else, Crytek are advising you to change it there as well.

Thankfully, Crysis.com, GFACE.com and Warface.com are all safe - as is Ryse.com, mainly because the latter is something to do with 'energy healing', and is no relation at all to the QTE-fest Crytek are developing for the Xbox One. Crytek are "working on getting all websites fully operational again as soon as possible".

Cheers, Blue's News.
PC Gamer
PC254-Strife1


Reinstall invites you to join us in revisiting classics of PC gaming days gone by. This week, Paul returns to the ambitious Doom-era FPS/RPG hybrid, Strife.

Article by Paul Dean

Strife did Deus Ex before Deus Ex – sort of. Released in 1996 and powered by id’s Doom engine, it didn’t manage to pull off that same fusion of roleplaying elements, stealth and freedom of choice that made Deus Ex great a few years later, but it certainly took one of the first stabs at it, and 17 years after its release it still does a pretty fine job.

Strife was one of the first games to take an engine used by first- person shooters and to bolt all kinds of extras onto it, showing that it could be used for far more than just blasting away at monsters. It’s a Doom-a-like set in a hub-based persistent world where you can talk to just about anyone, albeit through terrible, cheesy voice acting. It’s an ambitious last hurrah for the Doom engine, following more simplistic games such as Heretic and Hexen, and it wears that heritage proudly: you get to do a lot of shooting with a lot of novel weaponry. And people explode.

The game marries science fiction and the medieval, putting you in a world of peasants and power armour, taverns and teleporters. It’s a world that has fallen victim to a terrible virus and then been subjugated by a mysterious Order, a strange religious organisation that took power when everything went to hell. You’re the one fighting to restore freedom with a crossbow and rocket launcher.



Coming back to Strife is a delight. The hub that sits at the centre of the game is a town within the iron grip of the Order. Armed and armoured guards are posted on every corner, just waiting to strike should you decide the best way to rebel is to fight in the streets. You’re better off hanging out in the tavern, seeing if you can pick up any jobs and buying equipment for the missions ahead. It’s not long before you’ll find the nearby headquarters of the resistance, and they’ll start both training you and plugging stamina implants into your body to beef you up.

Your missions will have you trotting off across the hub to various new levels, each of which is impressive in both its size and its complexity, especially considering that the Doom engine couldn’t model rooms above or below other rooms. You visit a sprawling warehouse, the frustratingly complex sewer system and the Order’s castle. The latter you’ll find yourself assaulting with a detachment of comrades.

None of these areas are particularly pretty and the years haven’t been kind to Strife’s grey corridors, but the game’s mixture of the historical and high-tech is distinctive. Deep in the bowels of a mighty citadel you’ll find huge computer screens mounted across the stone walls, while the private quarters next door might boast no more than candles and a four-poster bed. It serves to give the locations you visit variety: that castle you assault is fortified by both force fields and thick stone walls.



Many of these levels have secrets and alarm systems, and while Strife is a game that’s very much about shooting, it’s possible to stealth or part-stealth these levels, creeping through them with a crossbow loaded with poison-tipped bolts. Many mission briefings encourage playing this way, but it’s almost inevitable that things are going to get noisy sooner or later.

When combat does break out, it’s not as fast or fluid as Doom, though it does still feel very similar. What it lacks in speed it makes up for in its interesting selection of weapons: as well as the usual rocket launcher and assault rifle, there’s a flamethrower, improvised mines and one of gaming’s earliest grenade launchers.

Strife is similarly basic in its introduction of roleplaying elements. You can talk with almost anyone, but your conversation choices are very limited, while character improvement is restricted to a few very rudimentary advancements such as improving your weapon accuracy or gaining ten more hit points. There are, however, multiple endings, depending upon the order that you complete certain tasks in, or if you fail outright.

What made Strife great was how many ideas it introduced to what at the time was a pretty simple formula. It was always providing something new to see or play with. There’s the infiltration mission where you’re in disguise, the teleporter tool that beams your allies to your position, and the Sigil superweapon, assembled in five stages and more powerful with each addition.



Then there’s the horrible, tempting Chalice mission, a quest to steal one of the Order’s prized possessions. It’s a set-up, an attempt by your enemies to bait and kill you that you’re offered at the very start of the game. If you try it then, you’re doomed to failure, but later on, once you’re souped up and much savvier, it’s a much easier proposition. That’s just one example of Strife trying its best to be non-linear, and it prefigures the sort of thing Dark Souls gets lauded for today. Just because you can try something right now, that doesn’t mean you should.

Strife is still an interesting game with an unusual premise and a lot to show. It’s not a great shooter, a great RPG or a great stealth game, but it does an admirable job of wearing each hat it tries on. If it had been released a few months earlier, it might have been a success.

Sadly, it wasn’t the cutest kid to graduate in the class of 1996. Its engine was already eclipsed by the shinier, show-off interactivity of Duke Nukem 3D, and Quake was only weeks away. Many gamers may simply have assumed it was just another second-rate texture-mapped shooter, of which there were an unholy number at time. It’s not.

Strife is worth remembering today for offering an early open world, and for the variety of ideas it smooshes into it. It certainly doesn’t deserve to languish in obscurity. Given that it’s now abandonware, there’s no reason for you not to give it the attention it never received in its day.
PC Gamer
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Puzzles, pancakes and no other obvious things that begin with P – all of that and a bit more awaits you in this week's roundup, which as ever collects the week's best browser games for your entertainment. So if you fancy folding environments, designing shmup levels for heroes or becoming a Pancake Master, read on. Er, unless you're a lawyer. In that case, let me distract you with that shiny thing over there.

Soom by Aimar Play it online here.



Its death/limbo theme might be a little overfamiliar, but Soom soom reveals itself to be a clever, complex and slightly overwhelming puzzle game. You're folding levels, essentially, but then you're connecting teleporters, deleting blocks, and trying not to fall into the infinite void, on your quest to collect all the soul-flavoured doodads. Predictably, it didn't take long for my puzzle-phobic brain to melt into a gooey puddle, but you will undoubtedly fare better.

Treasure Trap by SFB Games Play it online here.



There's a fine line between treasure-hunting and grave-robbing – it mostly depends on how charismatic and swashbuckling you are. One of the first adventurers to brave your dungeon in Treasure Trap – a simplified Dungeon Keeper-type game, where you play as a sort of scarab swarm thing – is the Nathan Drake type, all suave and confident...until he tumbles into your Pit o' Doom. A fun, cute distraction – try hitting the other keys on your keyboard for amusing results.

Super Mario Bros. Crossover 3.0 by Exploding Rabbit Play it online here.



Exploding Rabbit's long-awaited third version of Super Mario Bros. Crossover has finally hit, once again tempting Nintendo's hammer-wielding lawyers by shoving pretty much every NES and SNES sprite into the same platform game. It's not exactly balanced, and I love it for that – each of the many characters comes with their own strengths and weaknesses, but you're in a for a dastardly hard time whoever you pick. (Via Free Indie Games)

Space Lord by axcho Play it online here.



Spare a thought for the poor shmup bosses who have to hire and organise the many ships that you immediately blow into smithereens. It's hard work, trying to make things 'fun' for you, throwing enough, varied ships at you to provide a decent level of challenge, without turning you into a pile of deep-space mush. Space Lord is a game about design rather than conquest, then, a game where you're not trying to obliterate the computer-controlled hero but to keep them entertained – which it turns out is much more difficult. (Via IndieGames)

Pan Man by Major Bueno Play it online here.



Major's Bueno's latest flash game is another winner: a simple game about pancake-flipping that tells a more interesting story via its expressive characters than a lot of story-focused games. I particularly like the grumpy expression of the champion pancake-flipper when he returns home, defeated. Roll on next month, when Major Bueno will doubtless return with another charming One Game A Month title. (Via IndieGames)
Crusader Kings II
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Rich's rules: 1. Play as ruler of the North, Ned Stark. 2. Don't die. 3. No honour, only backstabbing. 4. I'd really like not to die, please.

Welcome to the Game of Thrones diary, in which Rich plays as Ned Stark and tries to stay alive in the excellent Game of Thrones mod for Crusader Kings 2. The diary may contain spoilers for Game of Thrones book one and season one of the TV show. Missed the story so far? Here's part one, part two, part three part four and part five and part six.

The king is dead. Long live the king. Wait, let me check that second bit: Robert Baratheon’s death has pushed his son Steffon onto the throne and thrown half the kingdom into revolt, offering me the chance to rise up against my Baratheon bosses. I cast my eye over Steffon’s stats to see if I should let the king live.

He’s an average commander, and already likes me. He’ll do. I enter the war on his side to keep him sweet – it’s the crown versus a few bitty provinces who’ve chosen their moment to wrest free of kingly control – knowing full well that I won’t commit any of my forces to the conflict.

I’ve got my own stuff to sort out. My forces are camped outside Riverrun for the second time, knocking at the castle front door and trying to lure its ruler out. That ruler is Malwyn Whent, whose dad I captured and imprisoned after nicking his land. Malwyn’s in charge because his dad died of severe stress a few months ago. I can’t help but feel partially responsible.

I’ve got about 25,000 troops pissing about in Malwyn’s back garden. His own forces are ruined, so it doesn’t take long for him to poke his head out of Riverrun’s murderhole. As soon as I spot him, I grab him by the ear and put him in the same cage I used for his dad. As with daddy, Malwyn won’t surrender his lands, so I start trudging northward.



The minute we hit Stark-held territory, Malwyn pipes up from his prison, offering me the Freylands – the bit of land I went to war over in the first place. Pleasure doing business with you, Malwyn.

"Arya’s been getting marriage proposal after marriage proposal recently."

After I’ve sent my levies back home, I take one more look back at the Riverlands. My intervention has weakened the provinces, and they’re scrapping among themselves. I idly check out the reasoning for the scuffle and see the aggressors are fighting to get Arya Stark – my daughter – installed as lord of the Riverlands.

Arya’s been getting marriage proposal after marriage proposal recently, but I’ve been turning them down as she’s blessed with some incredible traits and character statistics, and the ability to pull a claim on a territory out of thin air. Ideally, I’d keep her in my court forever, wheeling her out to fabricate justifications for war with a wave of a pen, but she deserves better.

The rest of my kids are flawed: Robb’s craven, Sansa’s selfish, Bran’s boringly content with his life – Arya is the only one that’s unequivocally brilliant. I want to give her a prize for that brilliance, something tangible to show her she’s my favourite. What better prize than the Riverlands?

I pop down to my dungeon to have a word with Malwyn, still trussed up in irons, but still technically lord of the Riverlands. I say that my daughter deserves his house and all his stuff, before toddling off to give my vassals a ring to secure the services of their armies.



I’m sitting with said armies on the border between the Riverlands and the North – the Twins, the bit of land that I nabbed from the dastardly Freys last week – when I get a shock notification. The king is dead. At first I think it’s old news, Crusader Kings II bugging out, but I dig deeper. Steffon, the spritely 19-year-old head of the realm is now Steffon, the very-much-dead ex-head of the realm. While I was faffing around with Malwyn and his Riverlands, both the provinces of Westeros’s west and east – the Westerlands and the Vale respectively – joined forces with usurpers to overthrow Baratheon rule. Steffon’s life was ended in hand-to-hand combat by one of the few major characters still alive from the start of this diary: Jaime Lannister. How can one man kill so many kings?

"How can one man kill so many kings?"

The throne quickly passes to Robert’s second (legitimate, the lusty dog) son, Guyard. Guyard’s a better proposition than his dead brother, and not just because he’s not dead. He’s ‘massive’, for one, making him a powerful fighter. He’s also a good commander and an exceptional steward, boding well for the realm’s rule. I’m much happier to throw my chips in with baby Baratheon 2 than I was his predecessor, but I still don’t intend to help him wipe the remaining rebels off the map. I’ve got my own problems in the Riverlands.

My armies are besieging Riverrun, but Malwyn won’t give in and hand Arya his lordship. Granted, negotiations are taking a while because I have to keep sending ravens back up to my house to chat to the man locked in my dungeon, but you’d think having crushed his army of 20,000 with 30,000 men of my own would’ve sent a powerful enough message. Apparently not: the option to force him to surrender is greyed out on the diplomacy screen.

Crusader Kings II scores your wars using something appropriately titled ‘warscore’. Warscore is inflated by occupying territory, or winning battles, and once one side gets it to 100%, they can sue for surrender on their own terms. My warscore is stuck at around 25%, having smashed one great clump of enemies in one fight, before cantering straight for Riverrun. I easily have enough men that I could split my army into bits and send them off to siege other Riverlands regions, but that process would be fiddly and slow. Much better, I decide, to roll my men into a big burly ball and careen around the countryside battering the remnants of the Riverlander forces like a horribly spiky Katamari.





Two months of this, and I’ve chased down every last fighting man in the Riverlands and jabbed something sharp through their chest. My warscore hits 100%, and I give Malwyn a raven-shaped call. He doesn’t answer. Someone else sends a message back, explaining that living in a dungeon for the better part of a year without food or water can do bad things to a human being. Malwyn’s dead.

"My warscore hits 100%"

No problem: Malwyn’s heir can do the surrendering for him. OK, he’s two years old and hasn’t had time to learn how to read, let alone wrong anyone on this low-fantasy earth, but I’m not above storming into a castle in full plate armour and holding my sword to a baby’s throat until he gurgles out a capitulation.

He does. I mean, I think he does, between the giggles and the windypops. Three generations of Whents, terrorised by me and mine in the name of, um, having more stuff. Baby Whent’s home, his lordship and all the Riverlands, are mine. Well, they’re not mine. They’re Arya’s now.

I could’ve taken them in Robb’s name. My kids have a claim on the Riverlands because their mum – my dead wife Catelyn – was a Tully, and the Tullys were once lords of the region. It would have been sensible for me to claim them for Robb, given that Ned is now reaching a ripe old age – visually represented by the fetchingly grey beard I’m now sporting in the character menu – and Robb’s the character I’ll play when he dies. But I have a real attachment to Arya, and I think she’ll make a fantastic ruler.



I’m immediately proved wrong. Over in the eastern lands of the Vale, Pia Arryn uses Guyard’s ascension to the throne to make a break from kingly command. She wants the Vale to be an independent realm, and manages to convince Arya her cause is just.

"I should rise up in support of my daughter and my daughter-in-law. But I can’t."

It probably is. Pia’s married to my son Bran – who’s technically a king as long as the Vale stays independent, boosting my prestige as proud pappy – making her sister-in-law to Arya. Elsewhere in the family tree I’ve got Daenerys, with claims to Dragonstone and the Iron Throne itself, married to Robb. There are a lot of Baratheon bastards, but a lack of marital dealing has left their ranks thinned. The other noble families are in similar states: the Tyrells are stripped of power, the Martells have intermarried so effectively their name is lost in Dorne, and the Lannisters are down to Jaime: old, maimed, sworn-to-chastity Jaime.

The Starks should control this land, and I should rise up in support of my daughter and my daughter-in-law. But I can’t. I already cast my lot in with Guyard shortly after his coronation, expecting the tussle to be a quick one, and because of our differences – I worship the old gods, Pia and the others pray to the Seven; I like ketchup on chips, they prefer brown sauce, that sort of thing – I’m unable to switch sides mid-conflict.

I’m stuck silently mouthing words of encouragement over the border to Arya as she sends ineffectual forces southwards. Lannisters broken, Guyard has control of all of the west, in addition to the southern Reach, south-eastern Stormlands and King’s Landing itself. An army of 55,000 sits in Westeros’s capital, sallying forth to destroy the Riverlands’ already-depleted forces any time they poke their nose into contested territory. I’ve got 35,000 men at my command, but there is nothing I can do to help my favourite daughter as she slides towards imprisonment, or worse.





Summer comes, and with it some good news. Years ago, I set Ned’s ambition: to become exalted among men. My martial and marital successes have paid off enough prestige, and I now get to suffix my name with ‘the great’. Attempts to make this stick in the PC Gamer office are still ongoing.

"My firstborn son and heir died at 35. He died of pneumonia."

That bright spot is immediately blackened by the news that Ned’s ill. I’m in my late 50s by this point in the game, and I’m fully expecting this to be my last spin around the mortal coil. I say my goodbyes and am composing a letter to Arya – apologising for handing her a poisoned chalice of a lordship – when I suddenly spring out of bed, cured of my disease. I perk up, and picture Ned sprinting through Winterfell’s corridors. Reinvigorated, I plan for the future.

That’s when I get more news. Robb’s dead.

My firstborn son and heir died at 35. He died of pneumonia, some two months after a decade of winter finally loosened its grip on the North and summer sprung forth. I cycle through my other children’s portrait screens for the next few months, sad at losing my son and worried about my future. Half a year after Robb’s death, Bran follows him into the afterlife thanks to some unspecified illness.

I have two boys left and, as I check their progress, I see they’re squabbling. A spot of fabrication had secured me a claim on Seagard, an ex-Riverlander province independent since Arya’s rise to lordship. I took the area with a small force and gave it to my youngest boy Rickard. One region over in the Twins, Jon Snow looked on enviously. The lordship of the Twins gives Jon the claim to Seagard, but I’d foolishly assumed he wouldn’t attack his own little brother. I was wrong. Jon batters Rickard in combat and imprisons him, before usurping his claim and nabbing Seagard for his own.



Two months later, Rickard is killed in hand-to-hand combat with a character so minor the game can’t even find him in its search function. He was 19.

"Harrenhal breaks free of Arya’s rule, shortly followed by the Bay of Claws."

Seagard isn’t the only territory to secede from the Riverlands. Harrenhal breaks free of Arya’s rule, shortly followed by the Bay of Claws. The Riverlands, once the heart of Westeros’s central spit, are now lumpen and oddly shaped thanks to the machinations of unhappy vassals. Arya’s pain is compounded further when a force of locals rises against her, rebelling in the name of the deposed Whents. Her armies are still lacking from years of fighting, the pretenders oust her from Riverrun and reinstall the youngest Whent as lord of the Riverlands. She remains in control of a paltry two territories, split by a river and my own land.

I feel terrible. I passed over Robb in my desire to give Arya the Riverlands, but never asked my little genius what she wanted. She told me a few times – she wanted to get married and have children – but my plans for her were grander. Or I thought they were. Now she’s stuck in a forbidding, rocky place called the Cape of the Eagles, in charge of an eighth of the land she used to have. At 65 and with a tomb full of dead sons – Jon Snow died a few months after fighting and imprisoning his own brother – I have time to reflect on my mistakes.



I try to fabricate a claim on the Riverlands again, to sweep down with my own armies and take the region for myself, but the three masters of law I appoint to the task die in the space of a single year. I can feel that spectre of death pointing his bony finger at me, but I’ve dodged him well so far, and he can wait a few more months. I allow myself one last scan around the map. It’s then that I really look at what I’ve left on this planet.

"I can feel that spectre of death pointing his bony finger at me"

I’ve wiped most of the Freys – the family I dedicated my life to killing – off the map, assassinating their lords, taking their territory and giving them to my own dynasty. I’ve led an acceptable life: I hold kind, trusting and charitable traits, as well as more practical skills such as ‘brilliant commander’. I have a wife who, despite trying to poison me once, and despite me being technically gay the last ten years of my life, loves me truly. I’ve achieved my main aim: simply to survive in harsh Westeros. I’ve outlived almost everyone mentioned in the books.

And I have my favourite daughter, Arya. I check her character card again from her home in the Cape of the Eagles, on the western sea. She’s married. She always wanted to get married. And she is, I notice with a real-life smile, pregnant. She might have a poky little home compared with the grandeur of Riverrun, but free from my machinations, she’s happy. She’s not being forced to play that game of thrones.

Ned’s last few months are, curiously, some of his most feted. My score rises higher as his legacy pays out. He dies at 66. His wife mourns his passing, and his sword goes to his grandson. Ned the great, Crusader Kings II informs me, will be remembered.
The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
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Perry recently told us about a mod called Gifts of the Outsider that imports the magic powers from Dishonored into Skyrim: Blink, Possession, Bend Time, Devouring Swarm, Wind Blast, and Void Gaze. I decided to the use the mod not just for its powers, but also to reenact the plot of Dishonored in Skyrim: the tale of an honorable man seeking revenge after being framed for a crime he didn’t commit. It’ll be just like Dishonored, only in Skyrim, and starring a furry woman with a tail. Just call me Khorvo.

Don’t worry, this will be supremely light on Dishonored spoilers, I'll cover a few of the activities you perform during the Dishonored campaign, Skyrim style. Let’s get started. What’s the first thing you do in Dishonored?

Play Hide-and-Seek with a Child

This is how REAL assassins train. Next: hopscotch.

I find some kids running around in Solitude, but they don’t want to play hide-and-seek, so we play tag instead. Minette Vinius and I chase each other around, forming a close personal bond that will surely keep me motivated in the dark days to come. I catch her and tag her and then I fast-travel to Whiterun so she’ll never be able to catch me and she'll be “It” forever.

Go To Prison for a Crime I Didn’t Commit

In Whiterun, I use a Frenzy spell on some guy standing around in the city. He goes nuts and starts attacking anyone nearby. The guards run over and arrest me while he is killed in the background. I’m shocked and outraged. I didn’t kill anyone! It was all him! You won’t get away with this! I will have my revenge! Looks like I’ve been... DISHONORED!

Can you believe the crime around here, officer? Wait, what did I do?

Escape from Prison

Not a problem! Pulling a lockpick out of my butt, I open the cell door, sneak through the prison, collect my gear, and slip back out into the streets. You’ll all pay for what you’ve done, I silently vow. All of you. It’s time to reclaim my honor. But how?

Meet the Outsider

Since I’m a wanted woman in Whiterun, I need to get away to plot my revenge. I head out to an abandoned house west of Riften, where I find a book and read it. I appear in Limbo, where everything is floaty and slanty, and meet The Outsider. He gives me the Blink power, which lets me teleport short distances. He tells me there are other powers I can collect by visiting his other shrines. Could these powers be the key to destroying those who wronged me?

I promise I'll only use Blink for good or for revenge or for fun.

Assassinate an Important Religious Figure

There are plenty of religious types in Skyrim, but when I think about one I’d like to assassinate, a particular zealot immediately comes to mind: Heimskr, the Nord Priest of Talos. Even if you don’t know his name, you know him: he’s the dude who stands in the middle of Whiterun and screeches incessantly about Talos, all day, every day. Oh, and is it a coincidence that the spot he stands in is just yards from where I was arrested for my “crime?” Not a chance. His death will mark the beginning of my quest to dis-dishonor myself.

This looks cool but I'm actually sliding off the statue for the 8th time.

I creep through Whiterun, using my new Blink spell. It’s neat, it really does zip you around, even on top of buildings, though I tend to slowly slide off. I blink onto the statue behind Heimskr, then to the ground behind him, and then I stab him in the back. I blink away onto a rooftop and the guards look around, confused, having no idea where I went. Actually, they don’t seem confused at all. They immediately shoot me with a bunch of arrows. I run away, but only because I'm in a hurry to reclaim my honor.

Now to just fold up my sword and OWW IT’S NOT A FOLD-UP SWORD

Now that Heimskr is dead, it’s time to find another Outsider shrine, collect a new power, and choose a new target. In the sewers under Riften, I find the shrine, caress the skull, and acquire the Devouring Swarm rune.

Assassinate Two People in a Brothel

Haelga’s Bunkhouse in Riften isn’t a brothel, but it sort of sounds like it could be. You know there are at least a few inappropriate back-rubs going on in there. I summon up a swarm of rats, and try to kill two people with them.

The perfect crime. Good luck trying to arrest swarm of rats, coppers!

Okay, the rats sort of killed everyone in the entire building. Those rats are NOT messing around. Having killed a room full of people with rats, a feeling seeps into my heart. I haven’t felt it in a long time, not since earlier today, but I know what that feeling is. It’s honor, slowly returning to me. I collect the Possession rune near the Dark Brotherhood Sanctuary, and I’m on to my next mission.

Abduct a Doctor on a Bridge

The first step goes well: I head to Dragon Bridge. I run into a bit of a snag here, though, as there do not appear to be any doctors out for a stroll across Dragon Bridge today. For a lesser assassin, that would be a problem, but I’m clever enough to find the owner of a lumber mill sitting nearby. A lumberjack is sort of like a doctor for trees, if doctors killed all of their patients and cut them into pieces, right? (The answer is: right.) He’s not on the bridge, but that can remedied with my new Possession spell. I leap into his mind and run him onto the bridge, where I pop out of the back of his head.

Revenge is a dish best served inside an innocent lumberjack’s head.

Having gotten him onto to the bridge, it’s time to abduct him off the bridge, which means possessing him again. I steer him off the other side of the bridge and into the wilderness. Abduction accomplished! I figure I’ll just keep possessing him and repossessing him and making him run so far away he’ll never find his way back, thus completing the abduction, but thirty seconds later we run into a bear and the bear kills him.

Looks like I got out of this dude’s head just in time.

I’ve just used magic to get a lumber mill owner murdered by a bear. I’m one step closer to regaining my honor. I visit another shrine and collect the Wind Blast rune.

Kill a Fancy Woman at a Fancy Party

There actually is a dinner party quest in Skyrim, but I’ve already completed it, so I need to find another fancy lady at a fancy place and kill her, fancy style. For honor. I know! The Blue Palace at Solitude. It’s the fanciest place I can think of.

Making sure to avoid Minette Vinius (I don’t want to get tagged “It” again!) I run through Solitude and enter The Blue Palace, which is run by Elisif The Fair, a fancy woman. I creep into the throne room, where there are some people hanging around. Looks like a party to me. Sorry I didn’t bring any WINE, I growl from the shadows, but I did bring some WIND!

Get it? Wine. Wind. Almost the same word. And so forth.

They don’t seem to get my wine/wind joke, probably because they are being slammed all over the room by magic wind. It’s a great spell: it’s like the Unrelenting Force shout, only you can hold down the button to keep it on, sending everyone flying all over the place until your Magicka is drained. After blowing everyone around the palace for a while, I head to the nearby mountains to collect the Bend Time rune. It’s time to kill the most important person in Skyrim.

It’s Time to Kill The Most Important Person In Skyrim

I figure the Jarl of Whiterun is the most important person in Skyrim, except for maybe me. I sneak into his chambers in the dead of night, slipping past a couple guards after slowing down time. It doesn’t quite work how I want: I was perfectly hidden from them until I cast the spell, which made them aware of me. The spell slows down time just fine, though, and even having seen me, the guards don’t seem to care that I’m creeping around near the Jarl’s bedroom casting time-bending spells in the dead of night.

You can’t really tell, but he is dying in slow motion. I can vouch for that.

The Jarl has an honorable, slow-motion death as I hack at his sleeping body. The guards run over to arrest me, and I try telling them that I’d rather die than go to prison, anticipating a fun Blink-filled escape from Whiterun. Unfortunately, Skyrim does that thing where it doesn’t select the line of dialogue I’m pointing at, so I accidentally bribe the guards and they peacefully escort me to the front door. Oh well.

Skip A Big Part of Dishonored’s Story To Avoid Spoilers

My easiest mission yet! I collect the final rune, Void Gaze, so I guess we’re ready for the big finale:

Kill Someone At a Lighthouse

Back in Solitude, I run around the lighthouse long enough discover there’s no one important in the lighthouse or on top of the lighthouse. There’s only Ma’zaka, the lighthouse keeper, but he’s downstairs in his little chambers. I sneak in, and use Void Gaze, which works like Detect Life, letting you see people through walls. I could possess him, run him up to the top of the lighthouse, and Wind Blast him off, but when you’re possessing someone they can’t open doors, so I have no way to get him out of his room. If I want to kill him, I’ll have to kill him right here.

Yep. There he is.

This isn’t quite the grand ending from Dishonored, though. I know that killing people with rats and blasting a fancy woman into her own ceiling and getting a lumberjack bear-mauled were all necessary -- absolutely necessary -- to regain my honor. But killing Ma’zaka, a humble, harmless lighthouse keeper in his own bedroom to end the story... it would just be complete anti-climax, wouldn’t it?

Yep. It was a complete anti-climax.

Lesson learned: if you want Dishonored’s story, go play Dishonored. If you want to have fun with Dishonored’s powers in Skyrim, though, this mod works great.

Installation: I installed this with the Nexus Mod Manager, but the mod looks as if it's just a single bsa and esp file. So, if you're doing it manually, just download the files and plop 'em in your Skyrim data folder (Steam > steamapps > common > skyrim > Data). No magic required.

Looking for more Skyrim mods? We recently updated out grand list of the best 50 for your perusal.
PC Gamer
DayZ diary


There's a little bit of everything in the DayZ Standalone's latest video diary, which starts off with a nicely choreographed montage of multiplayer scenes (including a disturbing moment where a guy is made to kneel on the ground and strip everything but his undergarments), before moving on to an update by Rocket on the state of the alpha (it's not ready yet, sadface), and finally some developer interviews. You'll find all 17 minutes, and a summary, below.



The alpha's sadly not available for public consumption yet, as according to Dean Hall "there's just nothing there to play, nothing there to really enjoy" yet. However, he did go on to elaborate on the game's new injury system, which will have more animations to better reflect your character's state of ill-health. Around halfway through, developer Ivan Buchta talks about the new additions to Chernarus, namely a bunch of new clinics and police stations - the post-zombie-apocalypse equivalent of candy stores.

The DayZ Standalone (man, it needs a better name) may be some way off yet, but you can always play DayZ Arma 3 in the meantime. In fact, we highly recommend it.

Thanks to PCGamesN.
PC Gamer
payday 2 mask wall


Payday 2 showcased its four different classes of dirty rotten robbers t'other day, and now it's time for a rundown of the lovely things you'll be able to do with your ill-gotten gains. Jaunt to the Bahamas? A squad of private jets? A controlling interest in Facebook? Don't be silly. You keep it all in a big vault in a run-down house, so you can rub it all over your body, Scrooge McDuck style. Which is to say that Payday 2 features a between-mission safehouse, and quite a nifty one too.

As Overkill's David Goldfarb explains in the below video, your available cash will be represented in-game by a giant pile o' money, which I find infinitely more pleasing than a mere number of a menu screen. You'll also be able to pimp your safehouse to some degree, but its main function is as a place to become familiar with your many gadgets, without having to worry about being shot at by the police. In that respect I suppose it's better that it's a low-key domicile, rather than some giant gold mansion on the moon.



Payday 2 is currently in beta, though it releases for realsies on August 28th. We recently went hands-on with Overkill's exciting heist simulator, and made off with a bunch of impressions scot-free.
Team Fortress 2
Team Fortress 2 - idle servers


Valve's recent Team Fortress 2 update took a specific shot at a section of the community known as idlers. Idlers play the game to not play it: they join servers and just stand there, hoping to grab an item via the game's item drop system. After years of this, Valve have decided you must click on the item to have it deposited in your backpack, meaning that people who have to be at their PC to benefit*. That's fair enough; Valve really don't want people not playing their game for profit. But I am worried that it'll mean that Idle servers become a thing of the past, because they can be amazing maps to visit and even play on.

An idle map needs only these things: a spawn point for each team, and a room in the middle with a game element. These maps are designed to kill players over and over again. Some say it's to make sure player stats aren't skewed with ultra-long lives, others claim it's to stop servers from kicking players. Beyond that, anything goes. Balance and lines of sight are no concern. Instead the designers fill the space with ingenious traps and strange assault courses designed to make achievement farming easier.

One of my guilty pleasures is to server hop through all non-standard maps and peek into what people have made. I just alphabetise the server browser and pick the maps that don't come with the recognisable TF2 suffixes. The fickle nature of TF2 hosting means these servers aren't always running, but if you're scouring the server browser for an interesting experience, then here are a few to look out for.

Map: achievement_idle
"The perfect space to hone your Heavy boxing skills."
 


This is the granddaddy of idle servers, and the most basic setup. It consists of three rooms: two spawn rooms facing into a central, uncappable point. The spawn points are kill rooms, with the player's health dropping as soon as they land on the server, and the only place both teams can meet is the centre room, with the smallest loop of a corridor protecting the players from a line-of-sight death. It's basically like sharing a bedroom with a little brother. Everyone is crammed together, giving each other the stink-eye through the spawn room windows. Petty little fights will eventually break out, with each person flipping between multiple classes to attempt to get the upper hand. The perfect space to hone your Heavy boxing skills.

Map: achievement_idle_inferno
"The conveyor belt tips the players into a fiery pit."



On the Red team, it's business as usual: you spawn in a room and you die, or you can have a fun little battle in the central space. But if you only spawn on the Red side you'll miss out on the hat party on the other end of the map. The Blu team spawns on a conveyor belt in a forced conga line beneath a glowing sign that points you to "Free Hats". Never trust a glowing sign. As in life, they always end up in disappointment and murder. The conveyor belt tips the players into a fiery pit before launching their corpses into the air like a diseased cow.

Map: achievement_idle_awesomebox8
"To see the best this map has to offer, you'll have to take a leap of faith."



Awesomebox8 makes a few additions to the stock idle server. Instead of dying in situ, the players are funnelled off onto a conveyor belt. The rooms it drags you through allows other players to kill you, which can help with achievement farming. You can fight anywhere on the map, and there's a boxing ring on top for players to go melee mano-a-mano. To see the best this map has to offer, you'll have to take a leap of faith. Those willing to jump over a certain side will be rewarded with an invisible staircase that takes you to a party in the skybox. As seen above, the engi is the best class to use to get there.

Map: achievement_proud_to_idle
"there's a tennis court for Pyros to practice rocket reflecting."



This is a multipurpose map, designed for dying, achievement mining, and just having fun. The spawn room faces a room with several elevators. Each leads to different area. The achievement area will let you easily fill any gaps in your achievement list, the arena is where you can settle differences with violence, and there's a tennis court for Pyros to practice rocket reflecting. But the memorial hall - filled with portraits of TF2's legendary cast - hides the greatest secret. If you take a running leap at the Spy's portrait, you'll pass through it into a secret Spy room. That's not the only hidden area, either. The looped rope in the Fail room, part of the Memorial Hall, holds its own secrets. But you can find that out for yourself.

Map: achievement_all_v4
"The fighting hides a massive, server-destroying secret."



Achievement maps are the flashier brothers to idle servers. Here you're idling so others might pad their stats by killing you. At first look, achievement_all_v4 has everything you need to grind out achievements: short runs where you can cap points quickly, easy briefcases to capture, even self-building dispensers to sap. You'll join and see an unbalanced fight between teams, where some Blus have given up their existence to Red kill-counts, but the fighting hides a massive, server-destroying secret.

In the corner of each team's spawn area, beside the restock cabinets at the striped walls, is a secret, invisible button. First you need to attack the area around the corner. A pyro is the best choice for this, then you need to hit 'use' on the area. What follows defies belief. A scream fills the server, the ground shakes, then at the back wall of the level a cat rises. The feline fires bees and has laser beams from its eyes. It is unkillable, and everything it fights will die. It's difficult to find: the cat also kills the server, requiring a restart, so not many people are willing to host LAZER DEATH CAT, or if they do they might disable it. The above video shows it looks like when Valve's gimmicked rocket launcher comes up against a kitty death machine.

Map: achievement_turbov14
"There's an entirely new map, filled with games and the Pyro's house."



This map is huge, with separate rooms for different types of achievement farming. It has the feeling of a modern church, built to let attendees worship at the altar of achievements. Both Red and Blu teams spawn in the same area, so it can be tough to figure out the space without getting into impromptu fights, but there are teleports behind the spawn that'll take you away from the madness. The construction of this space is a marvel in itself, but there's a ridiculous added bonus to uncover. Head through the mail hall and the door labelled "achievement boxes". read the instructions on the wall about binding the "use" key, then head around the wall and through the double doors. Don't scream at the Pyro, and run and jump at the Spy portrait. Hit "Use" twice and you'll be through into a secret area. From here it's a few more easy steps to an entirely new map, filled with games and the Pyro's house. There's more, as you'll see in the video above.

*Four items were dropped in the writing of this article
PC Gamer
Zafehouse Diaries


Welcome to Now Playing, in which we recount our recent adventures in PC gaming. This week, Chris tries to hold together a rag-tag bunch of survivors in Zafehouse Diaries, a post-apocalypse sim communicated through entries in a blood-stained diary.

Remember that old logic puzzle about taking a fox, a chicken, and a bag of feed across a river in a boat one at a time? The fox wants to eat the chicken, the chicken wants to eat the feed, and so on. Zafehouse Diaries reminds me of that puzzle, only the boat is broken, the fox is racist against the chicken, the chicken is uncomfortable around men, and there’s a rumor that the bag of feed directed a film popular among wealthy old women. Also, there are zombies.

Are you prepared for the zombie apocalypse? Got some food stocked up? A gas generator? Supplies of medicine? A bunch of guns? Most importantly, do you have a degree in psychology, or at least some expertise in leading group therapy sessions and resolving interpersonal conflicts? Because as we know by now, the zombies lurching around outside are bad, but the humans you’re trapped with inside are even worse.

This trap turns zombies into sticky, pointy zombies. I think someone else should make the traps next time.

In Zafehouse Diaries, a strategy game with randomly generated maps and characters, I’m finding that knowing how to deal with a collection of narrow-minded uncooperative jerks who arbitrarily hate each other is far more important than stockpiling weapons and food. The mode I’ve been playing, Road Kill, starts me off with five survivors holed up in a house. They have some useful attributes, like being a firefighter or a surgeon, and some less desirable ones, like the ability to point out that it's not like they're racist or anything, it's just that they don't like the way certain people of certain races look and won't get along with them.

It's okay. Colin doesn't like Kenneth's looks and Devin doesn't like Leah's looks. Plus, they'll all be dead soon.

My current group is doing great on the nuts-and-bolts survival front. As their invisible puppeteer, I've had them explore map locations, scavenge food and weapons, and even break into a bank and kill the zombies inside. It's when they're turning the bank into a safehouse (or zafehouse, to be more zexact) that the problems start, because now they have to work together in close proximity and their petty issues and prejudices come tumbling out like rotting zombie entrails.

If you're going to break Jon's arm, Gina, at least break it all the way off and fashion it into a spear.

I try to manage them as best I can. I keep people who don't like each other's "looks" working on different projects like barricading doors, exploring the bank for supplies, constructing traps, and making meals. Tension grows, however, as survivors get stressed and frustrated, squabble with each other, and disagree about the best course of action. Time for some psychology.

I try starting a rumor, which is something I can do to mend relationships. Everyone is hating on one survivor, Kelsey, so I make up some lie and let the others digest it, hoping it will improve their disposition. I spread some gossip that Kelsey wrote a book. Since Vincent isn’t comfortable around women, I make the book about a man. Since Maria doesn’t like older people, I make it about a young man. Since Stephen, for some reason, has a beef with the middle-class, I make it about a poor young man. I can’t remember why Joe likes the book, but it’s probably because the book is the opposite of something he hates for no real reason. At any rate, everyone is a bit happier.

The beginnings of an awesome Hate Pentagram.

Keep in mind, no one has actually read the book. They just heard a rumor whispered to them by their invisible psychologist. Something else to keep in mind: they all die a short time later because of zombies, who are not impressed with the fake book at all.

In another round, I get a different group into the bank and start barricading doors. Soon, tempers once again flare, as the two survivors working on barricades get frustrated with each other. Someone is hoarding painkillers, and her explanation is that she's addicted to painkillers, which is a valid reason but not much of an excuse. The two characters I sent to make zombie traps get annoyed with each other. Someone wants to play chess to take their minds off the zombie apocalypse but no one else wants to play so everyone winds up even more unhappy.

As the invisible therapist, I plant a positive rumor in everyone's head. Inception. It works.

Quickly, the relationship lines go from mostly green (I like you) and yellow (you're okay) to orange (I don't like you) and red (I hate you, but not in a racism way, honest). I call it the Hate Pentagram, and it's eventually happened in every game I've played.

At least there are zombies to take everyone's minds off how much they hate each other, and eventually, low on food and raiding separate buildings for meals, I get to enjoy the sounds of these jerks getting eaten to death, one by one, before starting over with a new crew of baggage-laden survivors and trying to manage their rapidly deteriorating interpersonal relationships.

Not cool, Alejandro. We really needed that chair.

All this bickering isn't just cosmetic: it leads to hurt feelings and anger and the survivors not looking out for each other. While raiding nearby buildings for food, two character run on ahead, leaving a third behind, who gets eaten by zombies. Later, another character gets infected, and everyone gets mad when I decide to spare her life because they like this character so little they don't even want to try to save her.

In another round, it gets even worse, as unhappy survivors begin physically assaulting each other. One character throws a chair at someone, wasting a perfectly good chair that could have been used as scrap wood to barricade a door. Two other characters fight, resulting in one of them breaking the other's arm. I'm not sure this game even needs zombies. Give me five people on a dream vacation in a luxury hotel for 24 hours, and I'll have them bludgeoning each other to death with axe handles because they can't agree on which appetizers to order.

With the group dynamics not working out, I try another game mode, where you start with only one survivor. As Brittney, I'm happy to be exploring and scavenging on my own, until I meet a surgeon named Zachary who has bandages, antibiotics, and splints, and who seems healthy and helpful.

He's a surgeon with meds. But is he a dick? I can't risk it.

No thanks, helpful doctor who probably doesn't like women, or gays, or whatever your deal is. I'll go it alone. Brittney dies soon afterwards after being surrounded by zombies, but at least she's not surrounded by monsters.

Zafehouse Diaries is available now through the website, and is looking for Greenlight upvotes to get onto Steam. For more Now Playing adventures, check out the full list >here.
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