Guys. Guys. The friend zone is real, it exists. It's a Sonic level.
I've made the joke of a friendzone-based Sonic level a million times before, but artist Jake Lawrence actually drew it out for me last night. Here it is.
Sonic, Amy just doesn't like you like that, okay? It's cool though, you can just be friends. Nobody owes you romantic reciprocation, after all! The funny thing is that it's probably more appropriate to say Sonic friendzones Amy in-game...but, then you'd be giving the idea credence.
Last month, Sony started trying to convince us that we will need a PlayStation 4. The system is coming out at the end of the year.
This month, the new God of War for PS3, God of War Ascension, might as well be an argument that we don't.
(Before we get too far into this, heads up that there's a NSFW clip from the game further down. Hell, isn't any clip of this game NSFW?)
I've played through the campaign of Ascension. It took me just over 10 hours, time spent doing what I've been making Kratos do in the previous five major God of War games: making him use his chain-blades and an incredible array of combat moves to slice, rip and rend both soldiers and beasts plucked or adapted from ancient Greek mythology.
I've played this game and have been amazed at how good it looks. The thought pops into my head: does it really feel like this game could look that much better?
I've also played this game and been amazed at how similar it is to other God of Wars. The thought pops into my head: are the limits of hardware really what is holding this series back from evolving?
***
I'm not running a proper review of Ascension yet. The game won't be out until next week and I've been unable to make time to play its multiplayer on press servers—not that those suffice, as we were reminded this week with SimCity. Given the nature of the game's campaign and the curious limits of innovation therein, anything I could say in a review about the game would raise the question of whether the game's true freshness and better value is in its multiplayer. That I don't yet know. Plus, the single-player campaign, oddly paced as it is, is mostly better in its second half. The game is something of a Skyward Sword, forcing the players to do the familiar before giving them a chance to try something new. This is an odd game, and one I don't yet have a complete sense of.
What I can do now, however, is talk about just how odd it is to be playing God of War: Ascension, a graphically stunning PS3 game, in a post-PS4-announcement world.
As I alluded to earlier, this game is an argument against a lot of the hype that we get not just around the PS4 but around new consoles in general. We're told that improvements in graphics breed improvements in emotional impact, that, the more detailed the characters are, the more they may emote and the more we may feel for them. We're told that new hardware can make games look better, of course.
But then you play God of War: Ascension on a console that came out in 2006 and you realize that, for what the developers of God of Wars seem to always be trying to do, 2006 hardware is pretty good.
Behold some clips from early in the game, limited to 30 seconds as per a request from Sony regarding pre-release video capture of the game...
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Kratos looks amazing in this game. So do his enemies. So do the surrounding environments, spartan though they may be. God of War games leave the camerawork to the game's designers and, as God of War III showed before Ascension, we can get spectacular results on a current-gen console: bloody, non-stop action that smoothly transitions from some gory one-on-one grappling to grand, scenic battles that diminish Kratos to a relative speck.
Where could a PS4 take God of War?
Well, the new console could probably make the games even better looking. But then, the question changes a bit: Where would God of War's creators take God of War?
For better and for worse, the series' creators don't seem to have taken the God of War franchise anywhere all that new across the transition of PS2 to PS3. There's little reason to think they'd take a bigger leap going to PS4. There have been two games on PS2, two on PS4 (and two on PSP). They've followed a very similar formula. Kratos is mad. Kratos kills enemies in gruesome ways. Players master a basic set of light and heavy attacks, memorize combos, learn to dodge and fight crowds of enemies one enemy at a time. And, always, there are mini-games that are activated when it is time to kill the game's bigger bruisers.
God of War has become its own subgenre, and as a result it's all gotten awfully formulaic. God of War now has its equivalent of James Bond's girls/gadget checklist or every Zelda game's obligatory fetches of the bow-and-arrow and bomb.
You are playing a God of War, so you will be stabbing something in the eye.
You will power up those chainblades by pouring red-orb energy into them.
You will gather green orbs for health, blue for magic.
You will push blocks to solve puzzles.
You will open treasure chests for eyes and feathers.
You will open those chests slowly, after some grunting.
You will see a lot of breasts.
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I've seen the PlayStation 4 controller. I've read the system's specs. There's nothing in them that suggests that any of God of War's checklist will have to change. We're left to argue about how much a long-running series should change. Honestly, I'm unsure.
Does God of War need a PS4? It might need something, but it doesn't need that.
Please understand that there is a lot of good stuff in Ascension. There are smart tweaks to the battle system, a fun expansion of the game's grappling mechanics and a smart disarming element. But there's also little that feels radically different from the past games, be they on PS2, PSP or PS3. Hence the weird feelings about what new hardware does or doesn't mean for a series like this. What would shake up the campaign design or setting of a God of War? What should? (At some point in history God of War and DmC designers will meet and discuss how impossible it is to please people either by changing things too little or too much).
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God of War as a series has had a weird relationship with the PS3. Only one God of War came out before the PS3 was on the market. There have been five more significant God of War games since then. Only two of them, including Ascension, debuted on the PS3. Two launched on the PSP. More strangely, God of War II was released on PS2 several months into the PS3's existence. Back then, in early 2007, it served as a sign that artistry, confident art direction and satisfying gameplay mechanics did not need cutting-edge hardware. Sound familiar?
I'm torn about how much I want God of War to change. It's something I'm still working out as I think about the review I'll write next week. But one thing I'm sure of is the fact that this series has long shown that hardware is not as important as we or its manufacturers make it out to be. Ascension repeats that feat.
We've covered Sega's Hatsune Miku-powered rhythm game Project Diva - F for the PlayStation Vita and PS3 quite a lot here at Kotaku, but all of that coverage has been from afar, courtesy of the kindly Kotaku East crew. Now Sega's wondering if North America and Europe wouldn't mind a closer look.
All you have to do is like this post on the official Sega Facebook page, maybe share it with a couple of friends and who knows — maybe I won't have to spend $85 to import the PlayStation 3 version from Play-Asia after all.
Hey, remember when video games came out and then you could actually play them?
As we enter day 3 of the SimCity launch debacle, EA has decided to turn off "a few non-critical gameplay features" in order to let people play on the servers, which have been broken since the game launched on Monday night.
We are continuing to do everything we can to address the server issues. In the meantime, so that we can give you as good an experience as possible, we are in the process of deploying a hotfix to all servers. This includes various improvements and also disables a few non-critical gameplay features (leaderboards, achievements and region filters). Disabling these features will in no way affect your core gameplay experience.
We will continue to let you know as we have more information. We know it has been said before, but we do appreciate your patience as we complete this latest update. Getting you playing is our absolute highest priority.
When Sega's Hardlight Studio released Sonic Jump last year, I shook my head. Jumping is not the ability Sonic the Hedgehog is known for. This week Hardlight has released endless runner Sonic Dash on iOS. That's more like it.
How do you make a good 3D Sonic the Hedgehog game? You take a bad one and cut away all the unappealing bits. That's exactly what Sonic Dash is — the best bits of the 3D console games, without all the filler.
See Sonic the Hedgehog. See Sonic run. See Sonic run fast. See Sonic spin dash to avoid obstacles and kill enemies. See Sonic collect coins to activate his Dash power, rendering him blindingly fast and invulnerable for a short time. See Sonic clear large jumps using his Homing Attack.
It's a simple formula that works incredibly well for the character. There may be dozens of endless runners out there (five came out this week alone), but there's always room for Sonic. The genre fits him like a glove.
Sonic Dash is also an incredibly pretty game, using assets that look as if they were lifted directly from its console cousins. They're so stunning that you can almost forgive the fact that every time you die you have to wait for what are essentially ads for the game's own in-app purchases before continuing. I came really close to accidentally purchasing $34.99 worth of rings last night while stabbing at the screen to continue.
See? Pretty. I've completely forgotten the complaint from the previous paragraph.
As lovely as it is, Sonic Dash could use a little more personality, perhaps the story mode that made Sonic Jump playable despite the speedy hedgehog misuse. Hardlight promises updates in the app's iTunes description, so maybe there's hope yet.
When I load up a Sonic the Hedgehog game, there are two things I want to do: run fast and kill some animal robots. This'll do nicely.
Dead Space 3 presented a pretty radical departure from the first two games in the sci-fi horror series. Too many fetch quests and co-operative play made Isaac Clarke's third outing against the Necromorphs feel less scary and atmospheric than DS1 & DS2. But, most of all, longtime Dead Space fans missed the freaky hallucinations that made Isaac Clarke doubt his own sanity.
But, you don't have to worry: the mindfuckery is coming back.
Next week's Awakened DLC is an epilogue to Dead Space 3's main storyline that pits Isaac and partner character John Carver against crazy Unitology cultists on the derelict wreck of the Terra Nova. At a recent preview, an EA representative told Kotaku that head trips are going to be a major part of Awakened and that those who play as Isaac will experience up more hallucinations in the DLC than in the whole game. You can still play co-op, too.
If you want the horror to come back to Dead Space 3, then you should know that Awakened is coming to PSN, Xbox Live and Origin on March 12. European PSN gets it on March 13.
The game's called A Bird Story, and it's a short adventure that will be out this summer. Creator Kan Gao likes to think of it as a bridge between the first and second To the Moons.
"It might be good to think of it more as a standalone game / story though, since all the characters are new (all 2 of them, counting the bird)," Gao told me in an e-mail last night. "I'm also a bit afraid that people'd think less of it since it's kind of a prequel to the 2nd 'full episode.' It's its own story, and although it's just about 30 minutes or so, I think of it as just as important as the 2nd ep."
To many fans of the original city building simulation series, the idea of an online multiplayer game that required even solo players to be connected to the internet at all times seemed like a recipe for disaster. Maxis' latest creation is easily the most compelling SimCity I've played since the 1989 original.
It's also a disaster.
The weekend before the game's March 5 launch, I had a chance to experience SimCity the way everyone is supposed to be experiencing it right now. The handful of press participating barely put a dent on the special servers EA set up for the event. The game played (for the most part) flawlessly, giving early reviewers an exquisite taste of the collaborative multiplayer that defines the release. I saw what the developers no doubt wanted every player to see post-launch — a new SimCity capable of bringing together people from across the planet to strive towards a common goal. It was glorious.
That first, teasing taste was followed by a nightmare for everyone involved. There were problems downloading the game. Problems connecting to servers. Problems getting together with friends to play during the brief moments when everything seemed to be working perfectly. While EA and Maxis work aggressively on a solution to these issues, player frustration and outrage continues to build.
WHY: One of the most compelling entries in the esteemed city building simulation series, SimCity's substantial connectivity problems aren't exactly giving players a choice in the matter.
SimCity
Developer: Maxis Platforms: PC Release Date: March 5
Type of game: City Building Simulation.
What I played: Built, maintained and destroyed multiple cities during the press early start event. Once the game launched I attempted to collaborate with other members of the Kotaku staff on our own private region, but only two of us (myself included) managed to successfully play long enough to build anything of lasting value.
My Two Favorite Things
Laying down regions and watching them grow organically and change dynamically based on the objects I place around them.
Working together with other players for the good of an entire region adds meaning and purpose to my virtual cities. This is what a social game should be.
My Two Least-Favorite Things
There's never enough space for my ambition in these tiny plots of land, and claiming multiples in one region doesn't scratch my megalopolis itch.
I don't mind a game that requires an always-on internet connection, as long as it returns the favor.
Made-to-Order Back-of-Box Quotes
"Hey guys. HEY GUYS. GUYS. Look at my city. No no, look at it now."
-Mike Fahey, Kotaku.com
"Unable to connect to the Made-to-Order Back-of-Box Quotes server. Please try again."
-Mike Fahey.
"It says I'm online? But I'm at Wal-Mart, and the PC the game is loaded on is unplugged."
-Mike Fahey.
I am not filled with outrage; only disappointment, fueled by the knowledge that somewhere beyond these technical issues there's an outstanding game waiting to be played.
The original SimCity is one of the greatest computer games of all time. When now-legendary game designer Will Wright realized that using the map editor he'd created for the game Raid on Bungling Bay was more entertaining than the game itself, he gave that editor to the world, creating an entirely new genre in the process. The creative freedom SimCity allowed was intoxicating. I couldn't tell you how long I played when I first launched the game — the days ran together. I would fall asleep in my computer chair, wake up and continue playing.
Over the years, freedom and I have had a falling out. Giving me a sandbox to play in with little supervision is a surefire way to ensure I wander away from the sandbox, possibly into busy traffic. So much of my time is not my own these days that I need a more directed experience. I require more than my own devices.
This brave new multiplayer SimCity grants me the focus I need to once again lose myself in the minutiae of running a virtual town. The success of my creation is intricately tied to the prosperity of other players'. They depend on me to foster a community of wealthy citizens that will flock to their shops to spend their simoleons. I depend on them to provide sewage treatment and medical services so that the wealthy citizens drawn to my tourist mecca don't die of cholera.
The SimCity series has always been a balancing act, with players struggling to maintain the right ratio of residential to industrial to commercial, all the while ensuring that enough funds are invested in services to make sure the whole thing doesn't go up in flames. It's just now there are multiple performers in every region, taking turns walking the tightrope while the others hold the safety net (or drop it, as the case may be).
The multiplayer aspect also allows for excellent opportunities to show off your city-planning skills. The creative gamer thrives in the new SimCity, thanks in no small part to the addition of curved and free-form road placement and the ability of residential, commercial and industrial zones to conform to these wild lines. These color-coded areas are painted more than placed, fresh buildings sprouting like architectural flowers that blow in the breeze of every little change the player makes. The GlassBox engine is a remarkable machine, transforming a technical process into something organic and beautiful. It's a joy to watch its work unfold, both from the sky above and at street level.
Yes, it's the same video from an earlier article. I couldn't log in long enough to record a fresh one.
Players more interested in straight lines and statistics will find plenty to love in SimCity as well. The game is filled with color-coded maps that communicate a wealth of complex information in the most efficient way possible. The interface, aside from the odd obtuse bits, is amazingly intuitive without feeling dumbed-down. Micro-management is an option, but not a necessity. It's one of the game's greatest strengths — catering to multiplayer play styles while remaining completely accessible (I'm talking mechanics, not connection) to all.
Of course there are downsides. I wish the individual city plots were larger or expandable, giving my city room to stretch out, perhaps link up with other players' creations. I wish I understood how trade depots work, one of a few obtuse mechanics in an otherwise intuitive game.
And I wish I could play consistently. That would be nice.
Team Kotaku had big plans for the SimCity launch. We set up a private region so we could further explore the symbiotic relationship between cities. I staked out my claim, a circular piece of land I decided to dedicate to tourism and travel. Stephen Totilo grabbed a plot, his city feeding mine with waste and sewage disposal. Between the two of us we managed to unlock two Great Works — the Arcology and the International Airport — massive undertakings built in special spots on the regional map, requiring cities to work together to harvest the resources necessary for their completion.
None of the others made it into the game.
Chris Person was able to claim two plots, but both bugged out before he could lay a single road. He can't access them, and we can't delete them. Jason Schreier hasn't been able to connect. Neither has Kirk Hamilton, who received my invitation to join the region yesterday — two days after I sent it. Our grand plan will never be realized.
I understand the frustration and anger that players are feeling. Over the past three days I've slept maybe seven hours total, waking from shorts naps taken while waiting for server queues, maintenance downtime, server disconnects and the like. Each of those seven hours was spent in my computer chair, fearing I might miss an opportunity if I wandered off to the bedroom. I feel like I did when I played the original SimCity, only now I'm much older and a lot less happy.
SimCity's launch is more than just a disaster — it's a tragedy, because somewhere beyond the rage, pain and technical issues there's an amazing game that I'm dying to play.
We'll revisit that Not Yet once EA gets the servers to a point where not playing is no longer mandatory.
This is the story of how the new SimCity hooked me in three days. This is also the story of a bustling city on the banks of the Chickville river. A place filled with hard-working folk not afraid to get their hands dirty, plucking riches from the depths of the Earth and sharing them with the world. More »
The latest iteration of the world's oldest and most-beloved city building game has arrived, incorporating strong social elements and cutting-edge technology to drag the franchise kicking-and-screaming into the modern age. More »
A giant cataclysm. Hordes of monsters roaming around. Mutated monster hunters addicted to potions and mushrooms...That's all you need to know to feel like home when playing The Witcher. You can forget the novels and all those journal entries.
It's always nice to see these animated quickies popping up on The Lore channel. Now can we have a one minute sum up of the story of the Metal Gear games so far, or maybe a quick summary of the Forgotten Realms setting?
Ash's Charizard is back. That's right, because tonight on Pokémon: Best Wishes!, Pocket Monster trainer Ash once again got his Charizard.
Fans of the anime will know that this Charizard is the fifth Pokémon Ash nabbed, and tonight's episode, told partly in flashbacks, gave the Pocket Monster's backstory.
The Charizard became Ash's most powerful, but the monster grew distant, and they finally parted ways, with Ash leaving his Charizard in a valley filled with other powerful Charizards. (Though, to be honest, Charizard did pop up a few times after that!)
Note that the parting episode was broadcasted in Japan in 2000 and in 2001 in North America.
In this latest episode, Ash's Charizard is returning as a regular character on Pokémon: Best Wishes!. So you can see the character on a weekly basis starting next week!
Kotaku East is your slice of Asian internet culture, bringing you the latest talking points from Japan, Korea, China and beyond. Tune in every morning from 4am to 8am.
Guys. Guys. The friend zone is real, it exists. It's a Sonic level.
Hey, remember when video games came out and then you could actually play them?
Ash's Charizard is back. That's right, because tonight on Pokémon: Best Wishes!, Pocket Monster trainer Ash once again got his Charizard.
