Dec 27, 2012
PC Gamer
PCG249.rev_miner.pic5


Perhaps if I keep my fingers jammed on the fire and boost buttons, and my eyes fixed on that stunningly beautiful asteroid, I’ll stop noticing how disappointing this space sim is.

PEWPEWPEW! WHEEEEEE! OOOOOOOOH!

Nope. No good. Like the solar flares that periodically roll across its fetching mission spaces, Miner Wars’ flaws – bland combat, a crash-happy campaign, over-reliance on scripted tasks – can’t be ignored for long.

Pre- and post-release publicity made this crowdfunded curio sound like a cross between Descent, Worms, X3: Reunion and Mount & Blade. In fact, the inducements to excavate, and the opportunities for freelance exploration, alliance-forging and entrepreneurship, are severely limited. While you can visit new sectors to plunder asteroids and visit trade depots, most locations feel like deserted studio backlots waiting for their five minutes in the spotlight.



The 31 story missions have plenty of aggro and giddy interior aviation, but the rigid scripting and sparse checkpoints may leave you yearning for something sandboxier. With a truly dynamic solar system in which players developed drone-operated mines, and took on randomly-generated survey, escort and mercenary jobs, I suspect Miner Wars’ gravitational pull would have been far stronger.

Currently, the best thing about the game is its spectacular erodible topography. Jetting squid-like through the craggy coral of splintered moons and mine-riddled asteroids, it’s easy to picture moody Unreal Tournament-style duels. As it stands, the enemy AI is too crude and deathmatch options too few to realise the potential. The banks of deserted online arenas visible from the MP lobby tell their own story.

In the short term, Keen urgently need to send a repair crew down to the engine bay. In addition to the save-related crash that appears to have wrecked my latest campaign attempt, I’ve experienced slowdown and glimpsed distant starscapes through rock walls.



Can I bring up the annoying companion ships, nonexistent tutorials, and extremely naggy Nagging Nora at this point without driving a final coffin nail into what’s left of Miner Wars’ sparking cryo-chamber? Probably not, which is a shame, because if, like me, you’re a fan of Descent’s disorientating dogfights, for all its flaws this game does stir happy memories.

Haring down curving tunnels sprinkling mines in your wake... nervously peeping through hatches, missile launcher poised... speeding from self-destructing bases with MG rounds nipping at your fins... at times Miner Wars is the Descent IV we’ve been waiting for for the last decade. If Keen can take the criticism on the chin and repair and, maybe, refocus their creation, they could still carve out a snug little niche in gaming’s vast asteroid.

Expect to pay: $20 / £12
Release: Out now
Developer: Keen Software House
Publisher: Various
Multiplayer: Up to 16 players
Link: www.minerwars.com
Far Cry 3
Far Cry 3: The Text Adventure


Ever wonder what the PC games of 2012 would be like if they were text adventures? Of course not, no one in their right mind would ever wonder that. In related news: I wondered that! So, rip out your GeForce GTX 680, plug in your dusty 10" CRT monitor, and stuff your programmable eight-button mouse in a stocking, because this week we're going to imagine five of this year's games the way all PC games used to be: as text adventures.

If you're looking at leafy tropical jungles, shimmering oceans, impressive motion-capture performances, and more off-mission activities than you can throw a knife at during a knife-throwing contest, you must be playing open-world shooter Far Cry 3. But wait... that tattoo that suddenly appeared on your arm... it looks like it says... Far Cry 3: The Text Adventure!








PC Gamer
Rise of the Triad Drunk Missile


The morning after being visited by three specters (or perhaps three jackbooted Nazi-ish occultists), Apogee has posted an all-new holiday-themed trailer for its upcoming remake of Rise of the Triad. The cold-as-ice clip—called the "Deadly Gentlemen trailer"—features a number of explosive jump-pad leaping and shooting sequences set to a hard-rockin' electronica edition of the classic Christmas carol "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen."

Rise of the Triad is an Unreal Engine 3-powered remake of the old-school, run-and-gun 1994 shooter. Playing as one of five different members of H.U.N.T. (High Risk United Nations Task Force), you'll tackle a cadre of Nazis-who-aren't-called-Nazis and their supernatural demon buddies in 20 levels of goretastic single-player action. All the original multiplayer maps and modes, power-ups, and weapons are also set to return. And this time around, there won't be a Doom II dropped on our heads a few months ahead of RoT's Steam release in Q1 2013 to distract us from playing it. Well, not unless id has something they'd like to tell us...

Check out the ho-ho-homicidal mayhem here.
PC Gamer
Space Quest V


"BABY BORN WITH ONLY ONE HEAD!” screams the cover of the Galactic Enquirer. Fascinating. And it must be true! If you can’t trust the parody newspaper from a comedy sci-fi game, what can you trust?

I really miss the tchotchkes that used to come with games. The random crap you get in overpriced suckers editions today can never be as fun as something thrown in for no better reason than because the creators could, or wanted to make a big cardboard box rattle seductively when you picked it up in the shop. Novellas, cloth maps, replica Zorkmids: if the tchotchke sucked, it didn’t matter. When it was good, it was a nice surprise—like the first time you learned how to spell the word “tchotchke.” (You’re welcome.)

Galactic Enquirer was one of those: a 22-page introduction to Space Quest V’s story, universe, and characters that quickly set the tone of the adventure ahead. You get wacky pet pix of shaved Tribbles, spaced-out horoscopes, and best of all, there were zany transporter bloopers. The comedy didn’t come from the gags themselves, but imagining the awkward day some unsuspecting Sierra employee was thrown a pair of cheap plastic buttocks and told, “Put these on your face, you’re now the Rear Admiral.”



Yes, we’re in official guilty pleasure territory with Space Quest V ($5 on GOG with IV and VI), and yes, most of the jokes are, in themselves, pretty damn weak. Most work by being so geeky that you smile because you’re in on the gag, they're being delivered so shamelessly that they break through the crap barrier at warp factor 10. The villain is Captain Raemes T. Quirke. The love interest? Ambassador Beatrice Wankmeister.

But that’s okay. They’re cheap gags, and they don’t pretend to be anything else. Space Quest was always Sierra’s “throw-it-in” series, where you’d find the Blues Brothers on one screen and a Toys R Us parody next door, and usually getting away with it despite never being that great. SQ4 had some inspired bits, especially its central "time travel by visiting fake Space Quest sequels" gimmick, but the rest were better enjoyed for the idea of wacky space adventures than the actual adventuring.

Except Space Quest V. The plot remains simple—illegal toxic waste dumping leads to evil mutant Pukoids threatening the galaxy—but it's executed with surprising finesse. The puzzles don't rely too much on obscure solutions, the action is spread over multiple worlds (all tiny, but that’s okay), and for the first time, SQ bothered with a bit of actual character development to link it together. One of the early puzzles involves defeating a ruthless fembot assassin called W-D40 on the planet Kiz Urazgubi (say it out loud) by ramming a banana up her exhaust pipe. In Space Quest, normally that would be it, puzzle over, move on. Here, she gets reprogrammed to be a little less psychotic and sticks around until the end as an essential ally.



The most important change, though, was that while previous games had occasionally given you a ship to get from point A to point B, Space Quest Vfinally promoted its long-suffering janitor hero Roger Wilco to Captain (of a garbage scow, of course) complete with a crew, a mission, and a bright-red shirt to hide his inevitable bloody injuries. Sierra designers always did love their comedy death scenes.

Having a ship made the game for me. When it comes to space RPGs, Elitebores me about as much as trading fictional goods for fictional gold should bore anyone. I’ve always loved more narrative-heavy games like Privateer; with intrigue, characters, and freedom to explore. Here, it’s a weak illusion: if you go to places in the wrong order, you’re just told to go away; there’s absolutely no discovering of strange new worlds or teaching sexy aliens of this thing we humans call kissing anywhere to be found. Somehow though, it doesn’t matter as much as it might. Just having the option of pointlessly raising the shields, going to warp, and activating the self-destruct on a whim makes you feel far more in command than you actually are.



Really, most of SQ5's enjoyment is from wish fulfillment. Every nerd wants their own spaceship, but most of us admit we'd be an awful captain. Roger is in exactly the same boat—he’s in charge only because a rat chewed the wrong computer cable at Starcon Academy, and he gets about as much respect as Wesley Crusher. Yet he still wins the love of his crew, gets the girl, and saves the universe. He never becomes a great captain; but through luck and determination, and more luck, at least he ends up an adequate one.

I’d be okay with that. Just as long as I still get to sit in the big chair.

On the next page: More Space Quest V screenshots from our archive
 











Fallout: New Vegas
day3_corrected


Christmas. Christmas never changes. Every day this week though, Fallout: New Vegas gets into the spirit of the season as a selection of mods make wishes come true... for better or worse. Today, the wasteland beckons, but not quite as the Courier and his partner Cassidy expect.

Previously: Part 1, Part 2




Morning there, Myriad Pro. Hand on fire? Guessing that means you found some new toys around town, or really need to put a few skill points into cooking, stat.



Was that a...



Pun not intended. What's up with that anyway?



Book of magic spells in Doc Mitchell's old place - "Vol 1: Hellfire". Gotta say, suddenly I find myself more ambivalent 'bout setting the world on fire. Not the only new toy I found either. Look at this here fellow from Trudy's place.



"Big Bomb"?





...



...





And that's the story of how we got chased right out of Goodsprings...



SHUT UP AND KEEP RUNNING I THINK THEY HAVE PITCHFORKS!





Think we can prob'ly take a breather now, don't you think? Hey, Nipton. You remember this place? Legion raided it way back when, stuck all the people up on crosses, burned it to the ground for sins committed. Ah, nostalgia.



Yeah. Think... think things might have changed a bit since, Arial Black.





Shiny new caravans? Pretty houses? A welcome banner over the town hall and not a single crucified townsperson? Tssk. Some places have no respect for tradition.





Don't worry, I won't have you forcibly sold cookies or made to attend a PTA meeting. It's useful that you happened by. I want you to witness the fate of the town of Nipton, to memorize every detail. And then, when you move on-



What do you mean, the fate of Nipton? Place looks Stepford new to me.



Indeed, Courier. This was a town drowning in moral sickness, cowardice, decay... but overnight, look! A wretched hive, stripped of all decadence, of all filth; rendered pure as the mysterious white snow all around. It is become... perfection.



The Legion's gone into the decorating biz now? Caesar's Legion?



That's 'Caesar'.



Whatever.



Was this our direct doing? No, but it is as I dreamed. Clean. Orderly. Quiet. A true civilisation of the wastelands, away from guns and fiends. There will be book clubs, Courier, and amateur dramatics every weekend. There will be salsa.





The hell, boss? I WAS STANDING RIGHT HERE!



Still are, so quit your yapping. Had to be done, and you know it, for the thin end of the wedge and all good folks who don't need subjecting to the first all ghoul version of King Lear. C'mon, I reckon things may be worse'n we thought.





Don't know about worse there, Marker Felt, but definitely pornier and with a hell of a lot more guns and people wandering around to use those guns. Not one person out there wished for world peace or somesuch?



Extra lighting from those Electro-City folks is handy, mind, what with the nights suddenly actually being dark and everything. And at least we're not going to fall for that Door business again.



We agreed never to speak of The Door again!





Hey, look. A door in the middle of nowhere. Think we should open it?



Can't think of a reason not to.





AAAARGH!



AAAARGH!





AAAARGH!



AAAARGH!





GRAAAARGH!



Meh.





Weirdest thing, portal to Hell ending up spitting us out over at a place called "The Bison Steve Hotel". Funny old world, 'aint it? Anyhoo, let's find us some good old walking music on this here PIPBoy radio, shall we?



Second thoughts, let's chat some more about The Door. Just saying, if I ever have to listen to Big Iron again I'm going to have to smash the nearest person with a PIPBoy's head in with a golfclub - then mine.



No, look, Cass. My radio's picking up all kinds of stations now. J-Pop, Christian Rock, old propaganda. Classic Christmas songs!






Suddenly Big Iron isn't sounding so bad. Hey, what's that? Is that an Enclave logo on that radio in your pack? Tell me you just picked that up off a corpse somewhere, or us two are going to have some serious Words.



Don't be silly, Cass, you know I'd have nothing to do with those incredibly powerful, genocidal zealots, most likely.



This is exactly why people hate travelling with amnesiacs. I catch you dosing my food with FEV or anything and you'll be singing Old World Blues from here to wherever I finally finish kicking your ass.



Never rightly said I had amnesia as I recall. Just don't talk much about the old days. Anyway, don't be worried. You'll never catch me doing that, pardner.



Well, good. That's... wait a minute, when you say 'never catch you', you mean-





What in the seven hells is this thing supposed to be?



No idea. Door's open though...




Today's Mods: Frozen World, Female Caesar's Legion, Increased Legion Presence, Increased Wasteland Spawns, Cortex Scrambler, The TARDIS In The Wasteland, Wacky Weapons, The 8 Books, Electro-City, Nipton Rebuilt, The Door, CONELRAD, Radio Free Wasteland
PC Gamer
Transformers Universe


This preview originally appeared in issue 248 of PC Gamer UK. Written by Alex Wiltshire.

A new Transformers war is dawning. A new struggle between good and evil. And this time it’s a conflict that once started, can never end – or at least, not until the servers close.

Jagex Games Studio are no strangers to long-running epic battles, having run the online RPG RuneScape since way back in 2001. Now they’re set to launch their second large-scale MMO. Transformers Universe describes the face-off between altruistic Autobots and sneering, pantomime villain Decepticons. It might be based on a toy property, and it might be a free-to-play browser game, but it isn’t just for kids.

Look to its influences. The MMO tag conjures images of a great rambling world of grinding mob-slaughter, with Optimus Prime and Megatron sitting static in their capital Transformers cities doling out ‘collect 15 Zanussi washing machine engines’ quests. But Transformers Universe isn’t that. It’s much more along the lines of World of Tanks and League of Legends: a series of tightly designed competitive PvP scenarios, pitting Autobot and Decepticon players against each other.

This one has trouble making soufflé.

At Jagex’s Cambridge HQ, producer Nick Cooper shows me a level set among the pine trees of a valley beneath a towering dam. Here, the challenge is to mine Energon, the game’s main resource, and deposit 1,000 units of it in a special hopper before the other team can. To do this, chief creative officer Alex Horton drops probes into the valley floor. He has to remain within ten metres of them in order to absorb the energetic booty: the closer he is to a probe, the faster he’ll absorb the Energon, so the battle is all about jostling for position. And, just to complicate matters, there’s the little matter of Terrorcons, undead NPC Transformers that the action of mining can inadvertently raise. Once transformed, they’ll attack both sides. The battling, played during my session with and against Jagex QA staff, is briskly dynamic, players balancing their need to mine with their hunger to despatch the enemy. Universe is, above all, an action game that emphasises player skill over statistics.

It wasn’t always this way. When Jagex started working on Transformers Universe in early 2011, they were making the standard kind of MMO that you might have expected. But that changed when Horton came on board. His background is not in online games, but in singleplayer action games – specifically Grand Theft Auto. He was lead animator on GTA III and Vice City, and went on to work on art and presentation for every other Rockstar game up to and including GTA IV. The carjacking animation? That was him. So was the GTA logo, cutscene direction and many other things besides.

Horton’s varied experience has given him an alternative perspective on what might constitute a Transformers MMO, leading him to look at what the giant robots-in-disguise themselves might bring to a game. “Transformers are about this war, they’re about action,” he says. “At the same time, they don’t carry gold, bake bread, catch fish, cut down trees. But for everything they take away, they throw open so many more opportunities.”

Hitting versus running.

Think of Transformer Universe’s robot heroes as toys. You’ll collect them, upgrade them with new weapons and equipment, and you’ll need to repair them, too, as they get destroyed in action. They also serve as your ‘lives’ in battle: although you control them one at a time, you’ll pick a roster of five to take into action. Selecting the right types for the scenario will be key, whether light and fast, ideal for negotiating tight city environments, or heavy and powerful for holding ground. Their vehicle modes will play a part, too – enabling access to different areas of the maps, for example – but Jagex are close-lipped about this for now.

So the concept plays directly to Transformers’ core identity, but it would be moot if the action itself wasn’t smartly designed. I watch Vanquish, a large, heavy Autobot that transforms into a digger, rolling out into the field. Like all Universe’s other playable bots, which Jagex have designed themselves, he packs three weapons: a massive hammer for melee, a minigun for short range and artillery for long range. Each deals area-of-effect damage, but of differing types: melee tends to be most effective against health, while ranged weapons are particularly powerful against shields.

Vanquish’s minigun – which shoots a cone of damage out in front of the beefy bot – and hammer are fairly conventional armaments, but his artillery adds a more tactical approach to his offensive capabilities. In order to fire, he takes a moment to robo-squat into place, rendering him immobile and vulnerable, and therefore in need of support from his teammates. Much of Universe’s combat design emphasises teamplay. Consider, for example, equipment such as the chaff cloud, which prevents enemies from getting the lock-on that rocket launchers and sniper rifles require to fire. Deposit that cloud in front of Vanquish as he hunkers and he’s got enough cover to loose off a round in relative safety. Other equipment will provide the ability to avoid radar detection, and invisibility.



The sense of scale between bots can be awesome.

Crucially, no one bot will be able to take on every role. Although the bots aren’t specifically class-based, some will be inherently better at support roles, while others will be better at taking on multiple enemies. That means you’ll need to think carefully about the capabilities of the bots you choose to take into battle, switching between them as occasion demands (though you’ll respawn at specific locations, rather than on the fly), and it means you’ll need to work with the team.

But, as I’ve said, Universe is principally an action game. The interface abstains from World of Warcraft-style tabbed targeting in favour of a more vigorous, FPS-inflected aiming system that locks onto any enemies in the central third of the screen. As it targets, it’ll zoom in slightly with reticle animations to provide what Horton calls a “Top Gunny vibe.”

Underneath it all, the combat is still run on RPG stats that you’ll raise over time through levelling and better weapons and equipment, but it leaves the overall impression of something more fluid and fast-paced.

A bot and his minigun are never separated.

Two extra weapon-specific gauges help. One is essentially a combo meter, which fills as you deal damage and unleashes bonuses such as additional damage and the ability to hit more targets. The other gauge charges up like a power bar in a golf game: Vanquish’s hammer only deals maximum damage if you let go at its apex, while some ranged weapons require time to lock on.

Transformers Universe has a fair amount in common with the new breed of hugely popular, competitive, short-duration online games: action-RTSes and the like. Where it diverges from them is in its reliance on story. “We can’t do this game without telling a story,” Horton says. His aim is to give a context to the game’s large suite of battlefields in a way that Quake and Call of Duty never try. When Vanquish helps to collect enough Energon for the Autobots to win the mining match, it briefly opens a portal for his side to proceed to the next level, set in a destroyed city. The battlefields, therefore, aren’t discrete player-versus-player maps, but part of a large set of interlocking scenarios that provide different challenges. You’ll also have access to faction-specific social hub areas where you’ll find familiar – although sadly not playable – bots like Megatron and Optimus Prime, who’ll help tell a story of conflict between
the two factions.

Transformers Universe is going to be produced in seasons, in the manner of US TV shows: Horton’s highfalutin example is The Wire. This is the war that never ends. In the future, Universe might go into space, introduce rafts of new vehicle modes and characters, and whatever else fits the audience and game as it evolves. They hope the story, which lies in the continuity universe of the animated CG series Transformers: Prime, will tie it all together. Quite what nasty Megatron’s up to will only come out closer to launch. Bet it’s something nefarious.

Levels span cities and mountains – expect future levels to go into space.

Transformers Universe is not the cheap tie-in that you might have feared it to be. And it’s backed up by some great new technology, which Jagex claim will ensure that their game looks good in years to come, even given its browser-based provenance. Certainly Universe is far beyond the usual level of 3D gaming in browsers, with flashing weapon effects and smooth animations as bots transform into their vehicle modes. Jagex are still in the process of locking down the minimum specifications for their game, but in its current form Transformers Universe’s look and feel suits a fast-paced multiplayer action-RPG. It’s not Crysis, sure, but the visuals are light years ahead of RuneScape, and they pretty much meet the intention of being ‘best in class’ in the field of browser games. And, less glamorous but probably more important, the networking systems that run under the hood benefit from Jagex’s considerable experience in making online games. Although they’re more used to coding the kind of technology required to run an RPG, the Jagex team have designed Transformers Universe’s engine and infrastructure to run FPS-fast. It will also run almost entirely on its servers, rather than via peer-to-peer networking, to make it more stable and secure.

Transformers Universe has one eye smartly fixed on the latest online gaming trends, and the other on ensuring the game lives up to the essential nature of its licence.

Will it manage to make good on those ambitions? It’ll certainly be worth trying out the beta, which is due to start in the next few months – you can already sign up. Jagex are adamant too that, as with World of Tanks, it’ll be possible to play at its highest levels without paying a penny – if you’ve got the time.

We’ll see.

Transformers Universe is rolling out with ambitions that suit the scale of its robots, to transform your expectations of what a browser-based MMO can be. It looks to be on the right road.
Tribes: Ascend
Planetside-2 GOTY


Playing PlanetSide 2 is like being eight and riding a bike without holding on to the handlebars. Mum! Are you watching? Did you see that sniper shot? Were you watching when I jumped off the roof of that building, clamped C4 to a tank’s hull, jetpacked over a cliff edge, and pressed the detonator? Did you see the time I spawned a Liberator gunship and picked Chris up at a base south of a bio lab being taken by the New Conglomerate? He hopped in the gunner seat, mum, and together we destroyed the enemy’s only Sunderer! We blunted their advance mum! Mum! Are you still looking? Keep looking, mum, I’m going to do something cool now!

You’re never more than a few minutes from something cool in PlanetSide 2. Vehicle spawn delays mean you can’t spawn the same vehicle too soon after producing a previous one of the same type. Rather than frustrating, this provides me with an excuse to run the gamut of PlanetSide’s varieties of warfare. I usually start fights in a one-man Mosquito fighter, trying to swat enemy pilots out of the sky with air-to-air missiles. When I crash or get shot down, I change pace and climb aboard my Sunderer battle bus, providing a respawn point for my pals and healing any other vehicle that comes near with my engineer’s repair tool.

When that, too, meets an explodey fate, I retreat to the relative safety of my Prowler tank chassis, the thick armour offering some relief against boom-happy enemies. Until, inevitably, I get shot in the rear with a rocket and I have to begin the whole chain again. This time, maybe I’ll spawn a Liberator and try to cajole someone into gunning for me.

Other shooters do the best they can with one form of combat. Battlefield 3 tries mid-range vehicle fighting. Call of Duty does close-up reaction shooting. Only PlanetSide 2 offers everything. Most impressively, it does them all well. It’s a well-stocked tasting menu of a game: what would sir/madam like to try tonight? Some quad-biking with a base-capturing squad? Certainly, it’ll be right out. May I recommend the massive armour column? It’s really very good.

Read More: Planetside 2 review and our guide to how to conquer Indar

Runners Up: Tribes Ascend and Natural Selection 2.
Dishonored
Dishonored 2 GOTY


One question above all others has dominated PC gaming this year. What in the name of smooth Jazz happened in Dunwall last night? It must have been astonishing, because every single guard in Dunwall is probably getting his own squad.

Did the entire guard populate undergo a singular, simultaneous act of cellular mitosis, splitting like dapper single cell organisms into identical duplicates in need of sudden leadership? Did the rat king emerge into the moonlight to be slain by the collective heroics of the entire city watch - an act of bravery so impressive that none of those involved could fail to be promoted? Or did Arkane, when setting the frequency of each bark, accidentally switch this one from "occasional" to "all the damn time forever."

Dishonored certainly isn't the only contender in this category. Over the course of 2012 soundbites have lodged themselves in the folds of our brains like audio shrapnel, playing on a loop and disrupting everyday conversation. Here's a conversation made up of a few of those quotes. if two NPCs from 2012 were to have a witter, it might go something like this. Can you guess the game each phrase came from?

NPC 1: Think you'll get your own squad after what happened last night?
NPC 2: Should've used a rubber.
NPC 1: Indeed, I believe so. Should we gather for whiskey and cigars tonight?
NPC 2: Oh fuck, a leopard!
NPC 1: Probably just rats.
NPC 2: AAAAOOOAAAOOOUUUUAAARRRGH!!
NPC 1: Shake it off!
NPC 2: We're all gonna die! We're all gonna die!XX

Answers here, highlight to reveal: Dishonored, Far Cry 3, Dishonored, Far Cry 3, Dishonored, Chivalry, Guild Wars 2, XCOM
PC Gamer
PCG249.rev_dwarves.pic3


PC gaming is in the middle of an avalanche. An avalanche of roguelikes where you Dig, Explore, have Accidents and Die, or DEADs, as I’ll henceforth call them.

A Game of Dwarves resides comfortably in that subgenre, along with Minecraft, Terraria, Dwarf Fortress, and plenty of others. Hell, you could even argue that Dig Dug is somewhere at the bottom of the DEAD pile.

A Game of Dwarves is on the management end of the spectrum. You have to look after a small collection of dwarves while hunting for treasure in the depths of the earth. You don’t have direct control over your charges – you just hint at what you’d like them to do by marking out areas for diggers to dig, crafters to build, warriors to fight, researchers to research and workers to grow food.



You gather resources, expand your fortress, kill aggressor monsters, level-up your dwarves and eventually find the objective room, which contains a boss you have to slay. At least, that’s if it all goes well. More likely, at least a few dwarves will die under your care as you delve deeper and more greedily. Not a grand death at the hands of an unspeakable hellbeast, but something more mundane. Something as simple as asking a dwarf to dig a hole underneath themselves but forgetting to put a ladder in it first.

The concept, like other DEADs, sounds like it has addiction carved into its rockface, but in actuality it’s strangely dull. The dwarves have no real personality, and while you can customise your environments, there’s no point to doing so. The only thing it boosts is the dwarves’ happiness – which merely changes the rate at which you can get new dwarves when they die. That doesn’t seem to happen that much unless you’re completely incompetent.

The game tried its best to stop me from finding out if the dwarf respawn rate becomes more of an issue towards the end of the campaign: after getting some way through, the completion of a level caused my machine to hang – one of those gut-wrenching hold-down-the-power-button-to-reset hangs. On reboot, my campaign save file had totally disappeared, and I was back to square one.



The game has other graphical and control glitches, and it’s a bit of a pain to move up and down between vertical levels. You’ll get lost from time to time in the bowels of the Earth, while the tangy odour of ‘was this actually finished when it was shipped?’ permeates your nostrils.

The best bits are when you’re just starting out on a level, picking how you’re going to strike out into the earth. The worst bits are when your fortress starts to sprawl beyond control, you lose track of things, and get bored because there’s none of Dwarf Fortress’s charm to distract you. A Game of Dwarves has a solid foundation, but you’re better off with other DEADs.

Expect to pay: $13 / £8
Release: Out now
Developer: Zeal Game Studio
Publisher: Paradox Interactive
Multiplayer: None
Link: www.agameofdwarves.com
Assassin’s Creed® III
Assassin's Creed III: The Text Adventure

Ever wonder what the PC games of 2012 would be like if they were text adventures? Of course not, no one in their right mind would ever wonder that. In related news: I wondered that! So, rip out your GeForce GTX 680, plug in your dusty 10" CRT monitor, and stuff your programmable eight-button mouse in a stocking, because this week we're going to imagine five of this year's games the way all PC games used to be: as text adventures.

This year, Assassin's Creed III took gamers to colonial Boston to unravel the ever-denser mystery of the Assassins and Templars, let us hunt, fight naval battles, and participate in American history, and exposed us to roughly 436 hours of cutscenes. Oh, it and occasionally let us assassinate someone! That was nice of it. Now, climb a church, stand on the steeple, and watch as massive expanses of words unfold around you in Assassin's Creed III: The Text Adventure!







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