Portal 2's latest DLC doesn't just include the chance to create your own maps, it includes the chance to run around them hearing the delightful JK Simmons - aka Cave Johnson - command, dictate and berate you senselessly with almost half an hour's worth of new content recorded just for the level creator.
If you think sitting and just listening to this for 25 minutes is boring, boy, you're about to miss out.
WARNING: There's technically some spoilers in here.
[Portal 2] All New Cave Johnson Lines (Perpetual Testing Initiative - DLC2) [YouTube, via TDW]
You know you're about to unwrap something expensive when a box that you know contains a Tomb Raider collectible needs to be carried into my house by two people.
Sideshow's new Lara Croft piece, announced last year but only just recently released, depicts the classic character as she appeared in 2010's Guardian of Light (read our review here).
Which was a while ago, sure, but thanks to licensing the toy world can be a slow-moving one. And besides, this is Lara Croft, not some one-game wonder. It's not like she has to be tied to a single timely release.
WHAT YOU GET IN THE BOX
- 1x Lara Croft (comes partially disassembled), 1x base
WHAT I LIKED
This is a polystone statue. If you don't know what that means, it means you've got some tradeoffs to consider. The positives are that it's got a wonderful glow to it, especially her skin. It's also heavy in a way that you can put it down and never, ever need to worry about it toppling over.
While Lara's skin, hair, boots and Uzi are polystone, her outfit is real fabric, which on smaller figures can look a bit stupid, but on a piece this large (it's nearly 20" tall) it looks great.
I also really liked the design of the base and her pose; it's easy to make marketing Tomb Raider "sexy", but given the character they're working with here Sideshow have played it pretty straight.
WHAT I DIDN'T LIKE
Like I said, polystone is a tradeoff. The negatives are that it's expensive. This statue clocks in at USD$350. It also doesn't allow for quite as much detail as you'd expect from, say, a smaller action figure, so some aspects of this - like her face and hair - look a little bland (though to be fair part of this is down to the game's particular character design as well).
THE FINAL WORD
OK, so USD$350 is a lot of money, but it's also standard pricing for Sideshow's Premium Format statues, so it's not like this is out of the ordinary. If you can stomach that sort of outlay - and really, it's not uncommon in the collectible world for a piece of this size - you'll be getting one of the most dynamic and colourful (not to mention big and heavy) pieces of gaming memorabilia around.
You can buy Sideshow's Lara Croft from the company's online store.
The Sworcery A/V Jam was a chance for artists to pay a little tribute to one of the coolest games around, Sword & Sworcery. The developers of the game asked for submissions from fans, and submissions is what they got. They got a ton of them.
There weren't really any rules on what could be sent in. It could be a painting, cosplay, animation, remixes, even tribute games.
You can see some of the submissions below (they had to be in by tonight), but for the whole shebang please head to the jam's official collection, linked just above them, where you'll find artist info, detail shots and waaaaaaaaaaay more stuff than you probably thought you were going to see.
(the three artists up top are by Capy's Slyve, Vic Nguyen & artist Ken Wong, while the Mario piece was done by Bryan Martin)
In case you haven't played it, yes, the game is totally deserving of something like this. We all love it. Well, nearly all of us. Owen's a tough man to please.
Sworcery A/V Jam [Sworcery]
I'm Sorry.
Last week's PhotoShop Phriday contest over on Something Awful has given the world this amazing retro-themed Deus Ex handheld, imagining the 2011 action RPG as an old Tiger electronics game.
It's my favourite of the lot, but head below for other winners like an LCD version of Shadow of the Colossus, Minecraft or The Wire.
LCD Handheld Games Part Three! [Something Awful, via Super Punch]
It's a rather oppressive declaration, when you think about it. In the context of a video game, its language is meaningless. It's not even a telecast. But I always smiled, because it made me feel like I was watching an actual telecast—perhaps more than any other feature in a threadbare Madden broadcast presentation thrashed by reviewers last year.
Sports video games are often thrust into no-win positions by their communities, who complain that every upgrade to presentation means some pet peeve in the gameplay has gone unaddressed. While development choices have to be made, it's not the zero-sum game that axe-grinding complaint presupposes. Games have failed in both areas and they've succeeded in both, too.
But it is hardly a surprise to me that Madden NFL 12, whose lifeless, repetitive commentary may have been the worst seen on this console generation, was likewise the most poorly reviewed release of the title since its debuts on the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3. Whatever you think of it, this version certainly had better gameplay than six years ago.
Sports video games are sports fantasies. Kids have re-enacted breathless play-by-play calls of their imagined heroics since before the age of video games. As many people experience major team sports by watching them on television, rather than attending in person (much less playing them), then properly mimicking a live sports broadcast becomes essential to a first-rate, licensed sports video game.
The scrape is in how the fantasy and the reality are consumed. I can't button through a replay on Fox's baseball broadcast when I'm watching the Cardinals and the Cubs on a Saturday. But in MLB 12 The Show, if I don't want to see the starting lineups, Matt Vasgersian will interrupt himself and, in a way that always makes me feel self-conscious, tell the viewers "wait a minute, looks like we're ready to throw the first pitch." And off we go.
We don't have true commercial breaks in sports video games (though I say that knocking on wood) but the breaks in the action they serve are as recognizable to the eyes and ears and spur the same instinct—thumb a button, whether it's on a TV remote or a controller, and move this along to something interesting.
That's why NCAA Football 13's big presentational upgrade is such a wild card to me. In the abstract, I think it's outstanding that EA Sports is bringing a genuine studio headquarters presence to this game, something absent from simulation football since NFL 2K5 (or, in unlicensed sports games, All-Pro Football 2K8.) It's doing it differently, too.
In the season-long dynasty mode of the upcoming game, you'll get updates on games taking place elsewhere around the country, whether or not they directly affect your team's conference or bowl standing. Dynasty-mode games can be interrupted as many as 10 times, though developers say they will come at natural pauses in the action—after a score or a change of possession, for example. I don't know that I've seen a game provide me results in progress in a virtual season with anything other than a line score across the bottom of the screen. And halftime highlight packages have all either covered the game I'm playing, or final results from the rest of the background simulation.
Dismissing those messages with a button press, even inadvertently, costs nothing. The information I missed is recoverable from elsewhere, even if I have to wait until the end of the game to hunt it out of a menu. The value of NCAA 13's mid-game studio update is that you'll be getting the story of a game evolving alongside your own.
What happens if you button out of that? What happens, frankly, if you restart? (As many assuredly will once the score goes against them). Will you see the same thing? An upset brewing in the Oklahoma-Iowa State game that kicked off two hours before yours will assuredly make you play differently, if the loser is ahead of you in the BCS standings. Yet grasping that plot twist in the story of your season, when it happens, will require not doing something gamers do by reflex—punching the A button as soon as the network's graphic comes up.
We sports fans say we want all of these things in a sports video game. I'm not sure we really do. Ask yourself the last time you took in every broadcast element, every replay, every postgame highlight without pressing a button.
Was it in a video game? Or was it watching a telecast? A telecast copyrighted for the private use of the audience, and any other use without the express written consent of the NFL is prohibited.
The pictures looked good, but we couldn't get confirmation back when Luke broke the news a week ago that GameStop would begin selling Steam cash vouchers. Well, a second tipster's sent us another couple of pictures of the cards and their display, basically confirming that the games retailer will start selling them.
Though the picture above appears to be of a display currently out on the floor, I called a few GameStops, asked if they were selling Steam cards, and was told no. So I wouldn't take this as news they are on sale right now. Our tipster did not supply the location of this photo.
The original rumor said they'll go on sale Tuesday (May 15).
Steam cards, in addition to being a gift certificate of sorts, are also a way for kids to buy up games without using Mom or Dad's credit card. When first reported, the arrangement was said to be "kind of a sensitive issue" between Valve and GameStop, the leading brands in digital distribution and physical retail sales in North America, respectively.
UPDATE - Readers are letting us know some stores, like the GameStop in Batavia, New York, have already begun selling the cards.
Diablo III is this week's long-anticipated release, but it is not the only one. Max Payne 3 also arrives on consoles, as does the Game of Thrones adaptation. It's a busy mid-May for both physical releases and downloadable titles.
• Diablo III (PC, Mac)
• Max Payne 3 (360, PS3)
• Game of Thrones (PS3, PC, 360)
• Hitman: Sniper Challenge (PC, XBLA, PSN)
• PixelJunk 4am (PSN)
• Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode II (PC, PS3)
• Asura's Wrath: Lost Episode 2 - The Strongest vs. the Angriest (PSN, XBLA)
• Dungeon Defenders: Quest for the Lost Eternia Shards - Part 3: Aquanos (PSN)
• JAM Live Music Arcade (PSN)
• Akai Katana Shin (360)
• Battleship (PS3, 360, 3DS, DS, Wii)
• Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode II (XBLA)
• JAM Live Music Arcade (XBLA)
• Dragon's Lair (XBLA)
• Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City (PC)
While being forthright with his community about the woeful state of Star Trek Online's player-vs-player combat, a developer at Cryptic Studios also admitted to something of a self-fulfilling prophecy: PvP in the game is so bad, no one's participating in it. Participation is so low, the studio has seriously considered removing PvP altogether.
"Something has to be done, PVP cannot stay the way that it is now. We either have to try to save it, or take it out of the game completely," writes Dan Griffis in the game's official forums, adding that right now, he is the only developer currently working on PvP.
But Griffis is going to give this his best shot, warning the community that, "there are big changes coming to PVP, some I think you are going to like, others not so much because no one likes change.
"Some are not going to make a whole lot of sense at the time because you won't be seeing the whole long term plan I have in store for PVP over the course of the next year or so," he adds. And specific complaints in the near-term may go unaddressed because they'll be made moot by a long-term change that's planned. For example, Klingons having access to gear that Federation players don't. "This isn't going to be a problem in the new system since their will not be any [Federation] vs [Klingon] PVP. All PVP in the new system will be cross faction queues."
Nearly every MMO faces criticism of its PvP, making this one of the more thankless jobs in an industry full of them. At least the guy's being straightforward with his community.
Cryptic developer: Star Trek Online PvP is 'fail' [Massively]
We've been circumspect about Dragon's Dogma, coming May 22 from Capcom. Totilo and Chris Person, the site's video editor, have grown attached to it despite also calling it "one very messy, clumsy game, full of bad dialogue, cumbersome menus and annoying supporting characters." But there are legitimately good qualities, they insist; this simply isn't so-bad-it's-good irony.
One of the things Totilo has praised are the game's cutscenes and, if that's the case, then this launch trailer for the game should fire you right the hell up. A download of the demo is advised if you do, because you've still got to play this game, not just watch it.
Oh, and, Resident Evil 6. You get into the demo early if you buy it.
When last seen, he looked like he was done for. Gregethor, the scene-stealing bearded shopkeeper from the enormously successful parody Skyrim 2012, was getting blasted in the stomach by his own Staff of Lightning. It appeared to be a fatal blow. I was so distraught I re-rolled a Breton in Gregethor's honor.
Well, the Grosjean Brothers, the twins who star in, wrote and produced Skyrim 2012, have good news. Gregethor is returning in their next episode, among many other big plans they have now that Justin Grosjean has graduated from Michigan State's film studies program and can put a lot more time on what was already a well-made project.
"There's something about Gregethor that makes you smile," Justin Grosjean told me. "We talked about killing him off because people loved him so much, they care more."
Portrayed by the Grosjeans' high school friend Greg Davis, Gregethor embodies many of the quirks and limitations of interactions in The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, where a homeowner will discover an intruder and simply—but still firmly—ask him to leave. The robbery of a disgruntled, cigarette-smoking courier (played with perfect deadpan by Matt Smith) was hilariously familiar to Skyrim fans.
"I happen to be an absurdly obsessed video game man," Davis told Kotaku, "and Skyrim was already many hours underway before this project came to my attention." So his pitch-perfect impersonation of the sleazy merchant Belethor, encountered early in Whiterun, comes from a great deal of exposure to the game. Davis, a student in music education at Oakland University, has been involved in theater and the performing arts in some form since second grade, rounding out the foundation of his performance.
"Seeing my likeness next to Belethor was thoroughly entertaining. I have always wanted to meet my great great great great great great great great great great great great great great," he says, stealing a joke from Skyrim 2012, "grandfather."
Neither he nor the Grosjeans say how Gregethor will return, but it's one feature of an elaborate sequel project they kicked off earlier this week. "We want this episode to be much grander and to blow people's socks off," Justin said. They're hiring on more actors to bring more characters to their reimagining of Skyrim, which looks a lot like their home of Clarkston, Mich.
A dragon character is the biggest ambition. They've picked out a voice actor from Justin's class, but need to give the thing a head. Designing that will take some time and effort, so the brothers are trying to raise $5,000 to deliver the fourth episode of project that's already gathered more than 3 million views on YouTube.
They've made other videos, but Skyrim 2012 is far and away the biggest hit. A full cut of all three episodes has been entered at the Phoenix Comic-Con Film Festival later this month. (The Grosjeans will be attending.)
"I think the reason that Skyrim 2012 was so well received is because it captures a world that is beloved by many and portrays it in a setting where people can not only relate to it on a personal but also relate the the rich world Bethesda created," Justin said. "I think it's easy for fans to enjoy because it's a joke that only they and the Bethesda community are in on."
That may be selling its appeal a little short. Davis—with his striking blond beard and looks he does not mind if you compared to Jeff Bridges'—said he's been recognized around Clarkston as much as he has been on Oakland's campus. "The best part of having played Gregethor has been getting recognized by people in everyday encounters," Davis said.
And if Davis and his fans are glad he's coming back, well, so are the Grosjeans. "He's so willing to commit to any line you give him, it was hard sometimes not to laugh on the set," Justin said.
"We knew deep down we were bringing Gregethor back," he said. "He's just too awesome."