 So, I have to be honest: I've spent two years avoiding Civilization V on purpose. It's not that I have anything against the evolution of city-states into empires, or that I find resource-gathering, diplomacy, and warfare uninteresting. In fact, it's exactly the opposite: I am deeply, painfully susceptible to the classic Civ player crisis of, "Just... one more... turn!" There's a great wide hex-gridded world out there, and I have to be responsible for all of it.
 So, I have to be honest: I've spent two years avoiding Civilization V on purpose. It's not that I have anything against the evolution of city-states into empires, or that I find resource-gathering, diplomacy, and warfare uninteresting. In fact, it's exactly the opposite: I am deeply, painfully susceptible to the classic Civ player crisis of, "Just... one more... turn!" There's a great wide hex-gridded world out there, and I have to be responsible for all of it.
With the new Gods & Kings expansion content for Civilization V, there's even more world to manage. And so it came to pass that very late last night, my spouse eventually gave up and went to bed without me while I sat by the PC's pale glow, muttering to myself about just how many Roman spearmen it would take to sack Manila, anyway.
(The answer? More than I had. And I really should have timed that war differently. Maybe if I just load up that save file and...)
Earlier this year, Firaxis promised an enormous pile of new features with the expansion. From what I've been able to tell so far, they deliver, and seamlessly so. Without a list of near features near to hand, I would never have known what elements were new to Gods & Kings.
I was playing for Rome, in the person of Augustus Caesar. My first several turns built up slowly, as generally happens; when every society is out trying to discover farming and the wheel, global politics take some time to snowball into a major concern. And then, suddenly, I was offered the chance to form a pantheon.
Naturally, I did. After all: what is Rome without her gods? Then for a time I thought no more of it as I progressed, researching physical and social improvements, building up my capital, founding new cities, and generally exploring the world. And then I was offered the chance to form a religion.
 I went with Zoroastrianism. My empire was the first to choose a religion in this game, so all options were available, but somehow for Rome Christianity was just a little too predictable.
 I went with Zoroastrianism. My empire was the first to choose a religion in this game, so all options were available, but somehow for Rome Christianity was just a little too predictable.
Of course, as with the various great leaders, cities, and monuments available in any Civilization game, the religions are a player-driven hodgepodge of beliefs, chosen for qualities that are likely to bolster the player's assets. Since Rome was in the middle of a desert, my Roman Zoroastrians were desert worshipers. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Though once Zoroastrianism was firmly established—the only religion on its continent, for a short, lovely time—I didn't see the point. Occasionally a Great Prophet would spawn, or I would create missionary units to spread the word through my empire, but other than making my people into a devout flock, I couldn't see what was being accomplished, if anything. Religion created faith, which could be used to... purchase more religion. A reasonable and self-sustaining system, sure, but to what end in the wider world?
Then my triremes found Bucharest. And Marrakech. And Warsaw. And a half dozen other city-states lying across the ocean, half of which had not only religious inclinations but also Zoroastrians living there. Likewise, the rival empire on my continent had adopted Zoroastrianism in all its cities. Suddenly, the arc to a medieval-style religious dominance seemed a lot more clear.
(If I had tried to send more missionaries to the cities around Manila first, instead of sending the warriors... in fact, what if I line up more scouts and a missionary unit, I could boot up the game right now and just...)
My Zoroastrian Roman empire began to thrive, driven not so much by religion but by policies of liberty and honor... and by a high number of workers able to farm the land and build roads efficiently. But the empire to my west, and its capital Goa, were growing awfully quickly and they had the Great Wall to boot. I was not comfortable with their leader's sneer, and his strange choice in trade terms. If only, I lamented, I had a way of finding out what was going on behind those stones!
And then Rome's first spy presented himself to me and asked for an assignment. I shipped him off to Goa without a second thought. There, I was told, he could eventually get inside their AI leader's head and tip me off as far as 15 turns in advance if my surly neighbor was planning to turn on me.
Well, he was a crappy spy. Goa turned on me before Servius could file his first report, and that was the end of the Roman Empire.
Gods & Kings promises so much that I wasn't able to experience in a short preview. Civilization V is an enormous game, and I could let it suck me in again so wholly that even emerging to write up my opinions a month later would be nearly impossible. There are new leaders and new empires, on top of the systems of religion and espionage that I only just barely scratched the surface of. Diplomacy is a fine art that my neighbors mainly didn't want to let me practice, and while I wanted to fulfill more quest demands from unaffiliated city-states, those Barbarians were just plain on the wrong side of the map for me to reach anytime that century.
I loved Rome, but I would like to see how the newly added empire of Sweden, one of the underrated badasses of Western history, looks. In fact, I think I will. As soon as I load yesterday's saved game and try the sack of Manila again. Just one more turn...
Civilization V: Gods & Kings is scheduled for release on June 19.
 
	
	Real Tracking and Shooting Portal Turret [YouTube via Reddit]
 The best zombie games are those that let you play as the decaying, walking, blood-thirsty corpses rather than against them.
 The best zombie games are those that let you play as the decaying, walking, blood-thirsty corpses rather than against them.Zombro [Free, Google Play]
Zombro [Free, iTunes]
Well, in all honesty I'll be playing Diablo III, but should I have enough time to take a little break from that, Max Payne 3 will certainly get a little play. I'd love to give the multiplayer a go, and I never pass up a chance to play a bald man in a bad shirt; you could say I relate.
Besides, I've already put down $10 on it at GameStop for some reason, and it's not like they'll just give that back without a fight.
Street Fighter Mural in Time Lapse [YouTube]
 
	
	Now that thousands of people have done Ubisoft's job for them, players everywhere can finally get a look at the new gameplay lurking inside Assassin's Creed III.
This new trailer lets us hear Ratonhnhaké:ton speak at length about his split Native American/European heritage and shows off loads of gorgeous snow-covered open-world action. Many of the 50 things detailed in Stephen Totilo's preview show up in the video, including the movement over uneven terrain, Revolutionary War battlefields strewn with bodies and that big ol' bear that you're gonna have to take down. Sound off with what you see and are most excited for in the comments.
UPDATE: And here's a version with audio commentary by Kotaku editor-in-chief Stephen Totilo who has seen a longer demo of the game that includes what you see in the trailer.
 Thieves in Orlando tried to snatch an Xbox 360 on Wednesday from an Orlando home covered in a fumigation tent, the Orlando Sentinel reports. They've got video of it. The paper says the thieves "dropped everything and ran" when the alarm went off. So, as long as an Xbox 360 can withstand fumigation, it's probably safe. T.V. Sagnella, the person who owns the burgled home, tells the paper: ""They're obviously not very smart to go inside a house full of poison... I wouldn't kill myself for an Xbox."
Thieves in Orlando tried to snatch an Xbox 360 on Wednesday from an Orlando home covered in a fumigation tent, the Orlando Sentinel reports. They've got video of it. The paper says the thieves "dropped everything and ran" when the alarm went off. So, as long as an Xbox 360 can withstand fumigation, it's probably safe. T.V. Sagnella, the person who owns the burgled home, tells the paper: ""They're obviously not very smart to go inside a house full of poison... I wouldn't kill myself for an Xbox."
We will place the Xbox Fumigation Thieves alongside the Stolen-Game-Reseller, The Cocaine Xbox Smuggler, and the Concept Artist Fraudster as some of the dumber video game crooks of 2012. Take a bow!
Burglars who broke into poison-filled Lauderdale home 'stupid,' victim says [Orlando Sentinel]
 If we are going to tell you about when one of the most influential game developers in the world calls one big video game company a ‘bunch of cynical bastards,' (presumably due to them labeling a bundle of games they published as "indie") we ought to tell you about a company he likes, too.
If we are going to tell you about when one of the most influential game developers in the world calls one big video game company a ‘bunch of cynical bastards,' (presumably due to them labeling a bundle of games they published as "indie") we ought to tell you about a company he likes, too.
"Hey, Microsoft!," Minecraft maker Markus "Notch" Persson Tweeted yesterday, "You might be a big and scary American company that likes secrets and meetings and such, but I love working with you! <3."
He Tweeted that on the launch day for the Xbox 360 edition of Minecraft, a game he says today has sold so well that it was "profitable in an hour."