Your Dovahkiin may be all sorts of bad-ass, but this video features the cutest Dragonborn of all. Thrill to this imaginary game's pixilated vistas! Gasp at the exciting downhill skiing sequences! Wish that someone makes this into something actually playable!

Skyrim Trailer - Retro Edition [YouTube]

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Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3's record-breaking, first-day sales are impressive, but almost more impressive is the life these Call of Duty games seem to have online.

This morning I hopped online to see how the past four year's worth of Call of Duty games were doing online. Yes, people still do play the original Call of Duty: Modern Warfare. I did the same thing at the beginning of the year, to see how the games were doing. Let's compare.

Each of these games show the current number of online players when you log in to find a match on the Xbox 360. I happen to only have all of these games on this platform, so I wasn't able to check out the PC or PS3. Here's what I found:

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 had 776,152 people logged in shortly before 11 a.m. eastern on Veterans Day, a work day for many. Last year's Treyarch-developed game, Call of Duty: Black Ops, had 196,648 players logged in. The previous Infinity Ward-developed game, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 still had 62,541 people playing it. Remember, that's a 2-year-old game and it's a weekday. Call of Duty: World at War, a game set during World War II, still had 5,800 people playing it. Finally, Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare, the game that helped propel the series into the stratosphere, was being played by 3,309 people four years after the game was released. Not bad.

Back in January of this year I had the same idea of looking at how many people were still playing this dated Call of Duty titles. One evening on Jan. 30, I logged into all four Call of Duty games, from the original Modern Warfare to the then most recent Black Ops to see how many were playing. Comparing those numbers from almost a year ago to today's, I'm a little surprised how little they have changed.

Here's a quick run down:

Black Ops: 757,237
Modern Warfare 2: 174,059
World at War: 15,079
Modern Warfare: 15,361

What's it all mean? Well judging by these numbers, it looks like the series has a strong fanbase that like to stick around.

Who needs fast travel when you've got sprinting, speed shouts, and the miracle of digital video speed manipulation to take you across the province of Skyrim in speedy style? Watch my Dragonborn run a cross-country marathon in The Elder Scrolls V.

This video captures the entire trip from the extreme northwest to the southeastern border of Skyrim, from the scattered islands to one mysteriously powerful gate. If you've not played the game yet and wish to avoid seeing too much, this video is the poster child for seeing too much. It is not your friend.

That having been said, who can guess how long the trip took without being artificially accelerated?

If you guessed roughly a half hour, then you owe yourself a nice pat on whatever part you prefer. Taking into account getting stuck behind a mountain and fiddling about with my map, I'd say it was nearly spot-on 30 minutes. It's a bit disorienting, seeing what feels like a massive living and breathing continent traversed in such a short time. The sprinting and occasional super-speed shouts might have had something to do with it.

And yes, I had to stop and ask for directions.

Just for fun I've also included the video without music, filled with the hilarious patter of hamster footsteps and the high-pitched squeak of dragon-shout.

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If you want to get the best graphics out of your Xbox 360 play-through of The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim you may want to hold off on installing it to your console's hard drive. At least for now, developer Bethesda says.

Early reports of graphic issues with the almost universally beloved role-playing game led the developer to look into the reports and post an update on their official forums:

"Skyrim uses a lot of dynamic streaming systems, including textures," according to the official forum post. "We've seen a few reports of certain textures temporarily scaling down on the Xbox 360, and not scaling back up. We have verified that this issue does not occur when playing off the disk and when the game is fully cached (not installed). Skyrim makes heavy use of the Xbox 360 caching system, and caches over the normal course of play while in menus or interiors. This cache can be wiped when other games are played or when the user manually removes it. We're working on a solution in the next title update for those who have installed the game. "

So while a fix is in the works, it sounds like the best temporary solution is to just not install the game on your console.

Texture Scaling on 360 [Bethesda Forums, thanks LikChan]

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Hey, fighting game fans, hope you didn't delete your save files from the pre-Ultimate version of Marvel vs. Capcom 3. Because playing as the big bad from MvC3 in UMvC3 is significantly easier if you've still got that data on your console's hard drives.

According to a post over on Capcom Unity, all you need to do to play as the Devourer of Worlds in one of UMvC3's special modes is have save data from the original game. Otherwise, you'll need to farm your way to 30,000 PP (player points) to unlock the Big G. That's a lot of grinding just to play an add-on, no?

How to unlock Galactus mode in Ultimate MvC3 [Capcom Unity]

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THQ denies reports that they have mislaid 25 four-foot purple dildos destined for the Netherlands and France as part of a promotion for their open world, tongue-in-cheek video game Saints Row: The Third.

Inside Gamer PC , citing several sources, first reported on rumors of a pallet of the three-pound sex toys, each affixed to a wooden pole, going missing somewhere between England and France. The toys are replicas of a weapon, called the Penetrator, used in the Mature-rated game.

It's likely that the weaponized sex toys were destined to be sent to the homes of game reviewers. One such item showed up on my doorstep earlier this week, much to my surprise.

Reached for comment today, THQ officials told Kotaku they have a firm handle on the location of all of their over-sized dildos.

Dildo's voor promotie Saints Row: The Third zoekgeraakt

Has Nintendo finally release a console installment of The Legend of Zelda series that critics don't immediately fall in love with? Look at that chart. Does that look like hate to you? No sir and / or ma'am, that's love right there.

One could almost feel the bulging hordes of game reviewers pressing against Nintendo's review embargo for Skyward Sword, eager to burst forth and regale you with the news that Link was back and better than (almost) ever before. That this was the Wii game you've all been waiting for, and that yes, you should buy a Wii just to play it. You'd think it was Skyrim or something.

Please don't hurt me, Zelda fans. You know I love you, and Nintendo loves you as well judging by these shining reviews. Imagine me holding them aloft as the "item get" music plays.

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Giant Bomb
The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword is Nintendo's closing argument on motion controls with Wii, especially as it relates to traditional games. It seems fitting that saving the world alongside Link will, for many of us, act as the first and last time we spend dozens of hours with a game inside our Wiis.

And boy, how far we've come. It takes only minutes with Twilight Princess again to understand how tacked on those motion mechanics were, and Skyward Sword's evolutionary leaps only compound the idea that we should have played Link's last adventure with a GameCube controller in both hands. How you come into Skyward Sword partially depends on how you took to Link the last time. Top to bottom, I found Twilight Princess painfully boring, which is, perhaps, a fate worse than bad. My reaction was fueled by a combined indifference to the game's uninspiring world, characters, and gadgets, and the tepid, half-hearted implementation of motion to make the mechanics more physical.

Especially as it relates to the last point, Skyward Sword could not be more different. It's not just the added fidelity from Motion Plus that makes the difference, it's that your physical actions are truly meaningful when it comes to engaging in just about every combat scenario in Skyward Sword. The very first enemies in the game will beat your ass to the ground if you're not reading their moves, and Skyward Sword quickly teaches players that "waggle" will not work here—period. To be successful in combat, reacting to the placement of each enemy's hands is of utmost importance, and while one becomes extremely adept at taking out the early combatants after a few hours, from start to finish, Skyward Sword asks much of your wrist. When the credits rolled, my hand ached, and it felt great.

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Joystiq
As the flagship component of the Zelda franchise's 25th Anniversary, you couldn't ask for a better identikit of the series. As it moves through the all-too-familiar cycle of temples, tools and time-travel, it touches on the franchise's lowest points, adopts its most stellar attributes and, at frequent intervals, taps into a kind of magic that no game ever has before.

That magic doesn't come in the form of a bold reinvention of the formula that's served as a backbone for the entire series. You, as the emerald-clad savior of the golden-haired apple of your eye, are still going to make your way through temples, collecting relics and handy tools while dispatching final bosses. That's set in stone, as is most of the order of these dungeons — can you guess what treasures you'll find in the forest and fire-themed temples? If you answered "a slingshot and bombs, respectively," congratulations, you've played any Zelda game ever.

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Computer and Video Games (CVG)
Yet, for all its big talk, Skyward Sword is surprisingly economical with space. The Surface - a kind of proto-Hyrule where Link spends 80% of the game - is split into three unconnected regions. Coming from Twilight Princess' hulking continent it sounds stingy. What, no Hyrule Field to gallop across? Instead, every acre is crammed with purpose.

Link's dowsing ability - point the sword and follow the bleeps - is basically an excuse to pump the land with treasure hunts. By the end you're collecting so much tat - Goddess Cubes, upgrade materials, insects, heart containers, rupees, side-quest doodads - you'll wonder if the game was co-developed by Rare circa Donkey Kong 64.

And Nintendo make up for the smaller acreage - although, in fairness, the map dwarfs Ocarina's - by modifying landscapes for meaningful return visits. Some tweaks are small: increased enemy presence, perhaps, or new items hoisting Link to unseen heights. Others renovate entirely, turning safe ground treacherous and turning dry ground... wet.

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Official Nintendo Magazine UK
Alongside birdy, your closest ally in Skyward Sword is Fi, a spirit contained within your sword and sent by the goddess to offer assistance. She can be called upon at any time, Navi-style, to chirp about the enemy you're facing, detailing the best tactics. Yet as far as Link's guides go, Fi is refreshingly non-intrusive. It helps too that she's a charming character. Characters like Fi, the cutesy Kikwi folk, the roaming Goron tourists and Skyloft's own barmy cast of uniquely strange inhabitants give Skyward Sword's world real flavour and texture.

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Game Informer
I had concerns that carefully plotting my attacks for every swing would get boring or frustrating, but the opposite was true. I've never felt as engaged or interested in the combat portion of a Zelda game as with Skyward Sword. If you run into a group of enemies waggling the Wii remote like a madman, you will be torn to shreds. Success in swordplay depends on studying opponents' moves and attacking at the right time and from the right angle. When the correct method to defeat each foe finally clicked, I felt a sense of satisfaction that repeatedly tapping the A button never provided.

This impressive combat system leads to some of the most interesting boss battles in the series' history. Whether you're fighting a giant scorpion or a sword-swinging robot, Skyward Sword rarely falls back on the formula of using a tool to knock out the boss and then attacking it three times in a row. You need to be much smarter and much more persistent to best these bad guys. In fact, the last two boss encounters are the most difficult fights in any Zelda game thus far.

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Wired
The most important change is that most everything feels new. The fights against giant boss creatures at the end of each dungeon don't rely on old ideas. The classic characters are replaced, for the most part, with novel ones. If you already know what's going to happen, is that really capturing the spirit of the original Legend of Zelda, in which we all went in blind? Skyward Sword shows that "a real Zelda game" is about more than certain items or certain gameplay rituals, which in the end is more meaningful than adding better sword controls.

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Oh Link, it's nice to have you back, lil buddy.

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What can you glean watching Nintendo of America president Reggie Fils-Aime on last night's Late Night With Jimmy Fallon? You can you learn that, apparently, all-star developers Koji Kondo and Eiji Aonuma are jealous of Reggie's appearances on the after-dark talk show. Viewers will also see Fallon get called a ‘natural swordsman' and get gifted a one-of-a-kind Link statue, too.

Reggie does some pre-emptive bragging on Skyward Sword's review scores, too, before coaching Fallon through some Zelda combat. And let's just say Jimmy needs the coaching. Excitable, that guy is.

Legend Of Zelda: Skyward Sword with Reggie Fils-Aime [Late Night With Jimmy Fallon]

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Stoya, a winsome, altogether charming young lady who makes pornography for a living, guest edited our sister site Fleshbot this week, including a intriguing set of diaries from a recent jaunt to Japan. She takes in the usual sex tourism sight: the porn shops, maid cafés, and the love hotels.

While I expected her sexual sightseeing to fall within the bounds of "Hey, look, Japan is weird!"—that's often my response to Japan's quirky, unabashed sex culture—I shouldn't have sold her so short; all four entries are a treat. Stoya's a fine tour guide.

Do bear in mind that Fleshbot is absolutely soaked with hardcore sexual imagery, even in the ads—especially the ads—so if you click the link below, you should be both morally and professionally girded to see a little motion biology.

Stoya's Sex in Japan series [Fleshbot.com (NSFW)]

Next week, Volition will release the third game in the Saints Row series, appropriately titled Saints Row: The Third. What started as a Grand Theft Auto knockoff that merely tided players over while they awaited a true HD GTA morphed into something entirely different: the psychotic, chaos-addicted Mr. Hyde to GTA's increasingly grounded Dr. Jeckyll.

After an exhausting, enthusiastic promotional campaign featuring strippers, rappers, penthouse pets, Burt Reynolds, E3 rim jobs (not that kind), and all manner of ridiculous trailer and promotional gimmick, the game's release is upon us. But does it live up to its own self-aware, ridiculous hype? Could any game? Time for a gut check.

Kirk Hamilton, who got surprisingly addicted to the first Saints Row and will be reviewing this one for Kotaku: How best to describe Saints Row: The Third? It's like... a supervillain acid trip; it's like an open-world crime game designed by Tracy Jordan. It's batshit insane. It's a total riot.

For a long time building up to its release, I didn't know what to think of Saints Row: The Third. Its ad campaign had been so ridiculous and overwhelming, and the ads' tone often lapsed into that certain type of calculated offensiveness that feels more offensive due its calculatedness than due to how actually offensive it is.

I've been playing the game for a week or so, and I'm genuinely surprised by how much I'm loving it. The sheer gusto with which Saints Row: The Third carries itself… the story kicks off with what is easily the most bananas opening sequence since Bayonetta, a bam-bam-bam series of building-destructions, skydiving shootouts, and parachute hijinks that culminates in... well... basically in a Kanye video.

And it just keeps going from there—it feels like this game will do almost anything to entertain. The writing, in particular, is a significant cut above its predecessors. Every scene is loaded with lowbrow comedy that is smart and funny, though in places the story and characters do still suffer from that trademark Saints Row misogynistic undertone. The gunplay feels good, the new graphics are solid, the arsenal is insane and hugely varied, and the explosions are as great-looking as ever. And I haven't even mentioned the other game modes, the cooperative play, and all the side activities I haven't unlocked yet.

You'll laugh, you'll cry… well, actually you won't cry. But you will laugh a whole lot, and blow up a ton of stuff while doing so. Yes.

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