"Why do you think this video game is so great, Lisa?" asked Dan Schneider, executive producer at Nickelodeon.

"Because…"I began, forcing my nervous 17-year-old brain to think up a response that would suggest intelligence beyond my years, "it's witty, facetious, and, surprisingly, has a lot of heart."

Every gamer has one special game that holds sentimental value, whether it's the first game they ever played or one that deprived them of countless hours of sleep on school nights because they just couldn't set down the controller.

My game is The Secret of Monkey Island.

It wasn't until I played through the first MI game with my dad that video games started to mean something to me. The graphics of that 1990 game were laughable, the ending was predictable, and the main character's name was 'Guybrush,' but you accepted all of these aspects, if not embraced them, once you realized that Ron Gilbert could tell a damn good story.

It's amazing to observe the metamorphosis of the MI franchise: We went from pixelated, non-speaking characters in the first games to a cartoon-y style for the third, a 3D style for the fourth game (and Tales of Monkey Island episodes), and finally, a redesign of the first two games with hand-painted characters and environments for special edition releases. (The remake of Monkey Island 2: LeChuck's Revenge is out for download on the PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360 this week.) Yes, the little adventure game created by just a few talented guys made it all the way from a 16-color floppy disk to our Xbox Live Arcade.

Aside from 1980's Journey and removing those shortcut arrows from my Windows desktop icons, I'm not radically obsessed with many things. But I am the most dedicated MI fangirl you will probably ever meet. Here's why:

In 2004, I was in my third season of a widely popular Nickelodeon show and I have no idea why, but people actually listened to me. Not just any people, executives. I could get feedback from the All That writers on scripts I'd written, call the shots on which Hollywood events I attended, and, best of all, talk openly with very powerful bigwigs about my ideas.

After Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl came out, I was cranky. I'd wanted a pirate movie to be made for years – but not one about a pretty boy and his drunken, stumbling cohort. No! I wanted a satire about a boy who washed ashore on Mêlée Island, a feisty female governor, and an evil zombie ghost pirate! Well, okay, PotC had that last one, but it wasn't what I wanted.

Then it hit me – kind of like when that ham hit Paula Deen.

People were going crazy for pirates! The time for a Monkey Island film adaptation was nigh! So, I took matters into my own hands.

On set one day, I nabbed Dan Schneider, my show's executive producer. I explained my idea, we had the aforementioned exchange, and he seemed totally intrigued. He instructed me to pitch the idea to a producer friend of his.

The Internet research I did for my pitch broke my heart. It seemed like MI was dying. Fans were giving up hope that a new installment would be released, and the term "adventure game" excited gamers about as much as the thought of Rosanne Barr in a burlap thong. (Sorry for that.) Still, the series' cult following was strong and there were even entire websites devoted to the idea of a Monkey Island film.

As I waited in the producer's office, drooling over the rare WB memorabilia on the shelves, it was apparent this guy was powerful and could make movies at will. Nerves swept over me. I closed my eyes and thought of all the times as a kid I pretended to be Elaine Marley while my friends were being mermaids or fairies or whatever Disney princess was deemed the prettiest among young females at the time.

What if this is a really stupid idea? What if they do make the movie, but totally screw it up?

"I'm just going to come right out and say that I've never heard of this game," said Mr. Producer as he waltzed in the room and took a seat in his big, intimidating Ikea chair.

Good start.

I pitched my idea as logically and persuasively as a 17-year-old can, handing him my stack of papers statistically confirming that the public would attend and adore a Monkey Island film.

"You realize that video game movies bomb, right?" he asked.

Duh. I'm not a complete idiot. "Yes, sir," I answered. "But this would be different. It's comedy - it would practically be a parody of PotC."

He flipped through my papers and we began a dialectic tango, going round and round, back and forth about why he thought it would never work and why I thought it would.

He finally said, "Tell you what, I'll make some calls and get back to you" in the same tone he would have said, "Stick to acting, kid."

I don't remember if I heard from him again, but needless to say, I gave up. I returned to being a normal unmotivated MI fan and waited for a fifth game like everyone else. While I never got my official fifth game, I did get to experience the gratifying revival of the franchise I thought was forgotten with Tales of Monkey Island and the special editions.

I'll never get my Monkey Island movie, but maybe that's okay. Maybe the charm of this quirky pirate tale would be ruined outside of an interactive media.

Plus, they probably would have gotten the three-headed monkey all wrong anyway.

PIC: Monkey Island tribute drawing by Miki Montlló

Sony and Nintendo are in talks to add 3G network connections to their next line of handheld game machines, according to a report by the Wall Street Journal.

The newspaper reports that Ryuji Yamada, president of NTT DoCoMo Inc., Japan's biggest wireless carrier by subscribers, is in talks with video game hardware makers to allow portable game machines to connect to 3G networks.

"Videogame makers know that in order for portable game machines to take the next step forward, they need wireless communication," said Mr. Yamada in an interview on Wednesday. "We are discussing this with various players."

Yamada declined to identify the specific companies, but the Wall Street Journal thinks that both Nintendo and Sony could be included in those talks, both of which declined to comment for the story.

During a meeting with analysts at E3, a Nintendo spokesman said that there will probably be discussions with carriers in the future but didn't elaborate.

The Wall Street Journal reported in March that Sony was working on two new gaming devices, one that appears to be a sort of smartphone and another that sounds a bit like a tablet computer.

It would make sense for both companies to add 3G network support to their upcoming portables if they want to stay competitive with the blossoming gaming support coming to devices like the iPhone and iPad.

Videogame Makers in Talks About Portable 3G Connections [WSJ]

The organizers of Penny Arcade Expo have signed a three year agreement with the Massachusetts Convention Center to bring PAX East back to Boston for at least three more years, the Boston Herald reports.

The show's first year on the East Coast brought nearly 60,000 fans and developers to the three-day event in Boston.

The Herald reports that next year's show will be held at the Boston Convention & Exhibition Center to accommodate more people. This year's show sold out.

Video gaming conference PAX East commits to Hub for three years [Boston Herald]

Blizzard's decision to use players' real first and last names in the StarCraft II and World of Warcraft forums draws strong negative reactions from fans. Why are they so upset? Let's take a look.

Blizzard posted the news yesterday in its official forums that, come the launch of StarCraft II's new community site prior to the game's release, all posts on the new forums would be accompanied by the real first and last name on the Battle.net account of the player. The new World of Warcraft forums launching with the upcoming Cataclysm expansion would share this new functionality.

According to Blizzard, using real names will help foster a more meaningful gaming community where long-lasting friendships can be formed. It sounds like a pleasant enough idea.

One Blizzard player who contacted me via email said the new policy had him and his friends feeling akin to "a Jew in Poland circa 1939-1940."

After a bit of email back and forth he did admit that the statement was alarmist, but his concerns echoed those of many a Blizzard player contributing to the original forum thread, as well as the companion thread on the World of Warcraft forums, now more than 1,000 pages long.

He's worried about stalking; that the fringe elements that play World of Warcraft will get a hold of his name or those of his friends and use the information to track them down and do them harm.

Some of the responses are silly.

I'm in witness protection for testifying in a trial that sent a man to death, and his family swore to send me to my death too, so I will be deleting every single post I've ever made in FEAR for MY VERY LIFE.

Right. The first rule of Witness Protection Club is you do not talk about Witness Protection Club.

Still many play on the fear that giving out your real name will make you a target.

Forcing people to reveal their real names just opens you guys up to a gigantic liability when people start getting stalked, harassed, pedofiled, etc etc etc because YOU forced this change on us. What about all the under 13 players? They're not going to be able to post at all or are you guys now giving out the names of kids? I cannot believe this got a pass from your legal department.

It bears noting that a child under 13 cannot create a Battle.net account without a parent or guardian, and that account will be in the parent's name. Parental controls will be in place to allow adults to keep their children from posting on the forums. If I had a child, I wouldn't let him within 500 feet of an internet forum in the first place.

But this isn't just about the children. It's also about being female.

Another thing that bothers me about this is that I don't always want people to know I'm female when I post on threads. I don't want to be judged because I'm female and I bet I could guarantee Facebook requests if I posted and people saw my real name. My name is unique and it wouldn't be hard to find me.

Many female players voice similar concerns. They talk of the dangers of being a woman on the internet, the chance of becoming the target of a crazed stalker, and the fact that from a young age, women are conditioned to guard their personal information in regards to the internet.

Some even voice concerns that their employer or customers will find out they are gamers and shun them. Kotaku reader Blarg Me emailed me to tell me about one such case.

I've already heard MASSIVE retaliation, including a friend of mine who is a longtime player who's close to becoming a doctor, who is now going to quit because of this. Why? Well, all it takes is someone in a hospital looking his info up on the internet to find out he's a WoW player, and with a lot of people still viewing gaming as immature, etc.. well, yeah. And I mean, he's played since day 1 and has dozens of characters at max level.

Many forum posters echo this sentiment, often giving out far too much information in the process.

I'm 29, a former Marine, currently finishing college and self-employed as a gem and jewelry seller. In the adult world playing WoW or any other online game carries a certain negative stigma, so my family and most of my friends don't know that I play.

The complaints go on and on. Some people simply prefer to keep their information private. Others enjoy maintaining an online persona separate from real life.

For all the negative reactions, there are many who stand behind Blizzard's decision, excited about the possibility of a forum experience free from anonymity.

Why are people so paranoid? Just because you will know my name doesn't mean you will be able to know where I live, work etc. Unless you work for the government, I doubt anyone will know any more than your name. Yes people could look you up on Facebook/MySpace, but you shouldn't have your address or phone number on there anyways. Set those social networking sites to private and you have nothing to worry about. I think a lot of people are worried because people will be able to see every post you have written (Oh no! I can't hide anymore.) Post constructively or don't post at all.

The word "paranoid" is getting a lot of use from both sides of the argument.

Hopefully my post history is obliterated with the forum changeover, too. I'm kind of paranoid.

Worried fans should rest easy. Blizzard has stated that the new forums will be just that — brand new. The changes will not (and cannot, due to previous versions of the forum rules) be retroactive.

Despite the varied reactions and differing arguments, the fan reaction can be boiled down to this: Those against the move won't be posting any more once the changes go into effect, and those for it won't be sad to see them go.

So how do I feel about the change? I'm probably not the right person to ask.

My name is all over the internet as it is, and once you separate me from the former Mayor of Omaha, Nebraska and that one photographer, tracking me down isn't that hard. Typing my main character name (Rande) and server (Ysera) into a search engine will bring you to Kotaku within three or so entries, so my internet anonymity is already shot.

Does your first and last name really hold so much power?

Why! Why, you keep asking, did Kotaku heap so many awards on Dance Central? And what about the Game Critics? They did too? Has the world gone crazy?

Now's your chance to find out. We've got the project leader of Kotaku's best new game of E3 2010 on the phone live to take your calls live on Kotaku Talk Radio right now.

We'll kick off with a Review Review.... Totilo wants to talk to you about our recent reviews, specifically Crackdown 2's.

The weekly Kotaku Talk Radio podcast kicks off at 11:00 AM mountain time (1:00 PM ET) on Wednesday.
Call us on the air LIVE at (877) CHAT-212 or use Skype to dial in! You can also pick up a nifty, and free, iPhone App to listen to the show live here.

Non-U.S. listeners, use the feed below...

Live TV : Ustream

And don't forget to subscribe to "Kotaku Talk Radio" in iTunes to check out past interviews with the likes of Sid Meier, David Jaffe, Amy Hennig, Ken Levine, Tim Schafer, Greg Zeschuk, Todd Howard, Cliff Bleszinski, Jeremiah Slaczka, Jeff Gerstmann, Jordan Thomas, Stig Asmussen, Major Nelson and Randy Pitchford.

We'll also continue to provide direct downloads of the show a couple of hours after showtime each Wednesday.

After a successful debut on the Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, and PC, Disney's destruction-driver racer Split/Second gets down-sized and down-to-business on the PSP this holiday season.

The PSP version of Split/Second features the same hyper-competitive reality television show premise and explosive action of its big brothers, only smaller and less-detailed. While it lacks the online multiplayer of the console versions (four-player local play is it), it makes up for it with a new set of challenges and one new track exclusive to the PSP.

"Split/Second has become a hit with fans of racing and action games, and is the perfect fit for the PSP system," said Craig Relyea, senior vice president of global marketing, Disney Interactive Studios. "The explosive track altering features and fast arcade racing will have PSP system players worldwide playing it on-the-go or at home."

The screens don't look too shabby for a PSP title. My concern is that over-the-top destruction won't translate well on the smaller screen. Split/Second is about big action. Can the PSP do big action?

It's Bungie Day, and the developer celebrates with a new video featuring Rooster Teeth's Red Vs. Blue crew coming home to a new and improved Halo: Reach version of the Blood Gulch map.

The Rooster Teeth boys are in fine form as they help Bungie celebrate the seventh day of the seventh month, also known as Bungie Day. The never-ending conflict between the red team and the blue team returns to a Blood Gulch that's bigger and better than ever before.

All the key elements are in place. You've got your teleporters, your caves, and your new-and-improved chupathingies. It's so epic that even a holographic duplicate of Simmons can't put a damper on this unexpected homecoming.

Happy Bungie Day, Halo fans! Hope you enjoy the new digs!

Bungie Day "Deja View" [Bungie.Net - Thanks Krish!]

Is Sony working on a new handheld gaming machine? That's what the Wall Street Journal seems to think.

Buried in their story about the possibility of high-speed cell connections coming to gaming platforms is this juicy little nugget:

Meanwhile, Sony is developing a portable device that shares characteristics of handheld game machines, e-book readers and netbook computers, according to people familiar with the matter. Some Sony e-book readers already come with 3G connections but it is not clear if a new wireless gadget will use carrier networks.

More interesting than the idea that Sony is working on a new gaming machine, perhaps, is the notion that this new device may not be a Playstation Portable. Instead it sounds like the sort of machine meant more to take on the iPhone than the DS.

Though even Nintendo is starting to recognize that the line between portable gaming and mobile gaming is starting to not just blur, but disappear.

This latest story, and word that 3G providers are working with game console makers, seems to back up the Wall Street Journal's March report.

We've contacted Sony for comment and will update this story when they respond.

Videogame Makers in Talks About Portable 3G Connections [WSJ]

Cops and robbers MMO APB is world filled with grungy-looking criminals covered with tattoos and riddled with piercings. Now Realtime Worlds is letting fans vote on how they permanently disfigure a real human being with the Human Avatar Project.

The Human Avatar Project is a reality television take on video game marketing. Over the period of three weeks, APB fans will create a human avatar. First they select between one of two "normal" males. Then they'll help decide the subject's haircut, tattoos, piercings, and clothing. Finally, Realtime Worlds artists will highlight the game's character creation system by creating a virtual version of this human avatar, setting him loose in the game.

The whole process is being documented at the Human Avatar Project website, where regular updates will feature video of the victim receiving his haircut, tattoos, and metal-filled holes.

Right now voting is on to pick the "player," and Josh up there is winning hands-down over his competition. I hope he is compensated well for the pain he's about to go through.

We toil each month to show you which Wii games get played the most by Wii owners. But which games do people buy or rent and then... ignore? We've got some winners (losers) for you here.

We may need to qualify this list with a few asterisks, but based on stats reported on Nintendo's official Wii Nintendo Channel, from data collected from as many as 3.7 million gamers, these are the 25 games that get the least amount of play time, per person who has played them...

Wii Games With The Lowest Per-Player Playing Time*
(as of July 1, 2010)

25. Donkey Kong Barrel Blast - 5 hours, 1 minute
24. The Price is Right - 5 hours
23. Rapala Fishing Frenzy - 4 hours, 57 minutes
22. Cooking Mama World Kitchen - 4 hours, 41 minutes
21. Blast Works: Build Trade Destroy - 4 hours, 40 minutes
20. We Love Golf! - 4 hours, 39 minutes
19. North American Hunting Extravaganza - 4 hours, 37 minutes
18. Dragon Blade: Wrath of Fire - 4 hours, 35 minutes
17. Top Spin 3 - 4 hours, 35 minutes
16. Madagascar Kartz - 4 hours, 33 minutes
15. The Biggest Loser - 4 hours, 21 minutes
14. Toy Story Mania - 4 hours, 17 minutes
13. Samba De Amigo - 4 hours, 16 minutes
12. Nitrobike - 4 hours, 12 minutes
11. Wild Earth: African Safari - 4 hours, 12 minutes
10. Big Beach Sports - 4 hours, 9 minutes
9. Disney Think Fast - 4 hours, 2 minutes
8. Jeep Thrills - 3 hours, 59 minutes
7. Hasbro Family Game Night 2 - 3 hours, 49 minutes
6. All Star Cheer Squad – 3 hours, 45 minutes
5. Wonder World Amusement Park - 3 hours, 41 minutes
4. AMF Bowling Pinbusters! - 3 hours, 7 minutes
3. Furu Furu Park - 2 hours, 50 minutes
2. M&M's Kart Racing - 2 hours, 5 minutes
1. Jillian Michaels Fitness Ultimatum 2009 - 1 hour, 51 minutes

Congratulations, Jillian Michaels, your fitness game may be the least-played game on the Wii. That it is a fitness game is ironic, as is the fact that it spawned a sequel.

But! Some asterisks:
*The above list is compiled from the several-hundred games that have their data tracked on the Nintendo Channel. (Our Wii stats-tracking methodology explained here.) That list does not report data for several notable games, including Resident Evil 4 and Bully, nor for games that have logged fewer than a certain number of hours of play time— 50,000 seems to be the cutoff — across the Channel's userbase. That means that there is a tier of even less popular games that could qualify for this list. For example, M&M's Kart Racing, which charts here as the second least-played game, might actually garner more playing time than The Munchables and Major Minor's Majestic March, which have no data collected on the Nintendo Channel. But we're looking at per-player averages, so a game's absence from the Nintendo Channel data listings doesn't mean it necessarily has a lower average playing time than a game that is listed.

*We check the listings for about 500 Wii games each month, but only look at Wii disc games. While the data is available, we do not track playing time for WiiWare and Virtual Console games.

*This data is collected only from users who have downloaded the Wii's Nintendo Channel and share their data online, which biases it in favor of a more hardcore, online-savvy user-base. That doesn't stop Animal Crossing and Wii Sports from ranking high nor from millions of players sharing their data, but it needs to be noted anyway.

*Some will scoff at the Jillian Michaels number (I think I just did above) and conclude that fitness games on the Wii are either ignored or not used by Nintendo Channel users. Wrong on both counts. Wii Fit, as of July 1, has a Nintendo-tracked per-player playing time of 21 hours, 57 minutes.