The greasy realm of the videogame is not always the best place to look for good writing. For every Disco Elysium there are roughly 800 Detroit: Beyond Humans. But it is a good place to look for wondrous, over-the-top nonsense. I m talking about character dialogue so flamboyant and exaggerated, you could insert some line breaks and it would instantly become a verse in a glam rock anthem. Here are the 12 most extravagant, exuberant, and intense lines of dialogue. In games, subtext is just whatever s written on the side of the nuclear submarine.

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In Everything you play as everything. A fleet of flying sofas, a tiny ant, a string of DNA floating on the wind. You can play as giant trees, erupting forth from the ground as you sprout and slither your way across the land, or perhaps you’d prefer to lead an entire orchestra’s worth of musical instruments through the purple, unending void inside an alien spacecraft. You can even do a little dance to spawn other trees or trumpets (or pebbles, or beetles or a drawer full of spoons) to grow your empire of assorted sentient objects until you can see nothing but> trees and trumpets (or rhinos, or giraffes or ten-pin bowling bowls). As that old-fashioned saying goes, the world is truly your oyster in Everything, and I absolutely love the idea of being able to see the world through a million different pairs of eyes. The only problem is that some of those eye sockets are more fun than others.

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Happy holidays! Time to see what s in your stocking. Oh, it s another copy of The Golf Handbook (Third Edition). And some toenail clippers. Great. No, honestly, that s fine. It s not like little Jemima over there is dashing about in her cool lion slippers, making you ache for an era of innocence and novelty that you can never revisit. And who cares if she s clashing her dinosaur figurines over the ruins of a Lego city? You certainly don t. Why, you barely notice as her damned wonderful slippers go rarr with every step. Oh well, better go set the table for dinner.

No! We won t allow it. Turn that holiday frown upside-holiday-down, adult friend of mine. Children do not have a monopoly on fun. Here are seven playthings that ll make you click, smile, discover, and giggle. These are all toys as much as they are games, and they’re your real stocking fillers. Enjoy.

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