The world’s finest stag & hen weekend banter simulator, Playerunknown’s Battlegrounds, has revealed its supposed ‘true’ story with an outrageous retcon in a new trailer. No, we’re supposed to believe, the game isn’t about lads and lasses going too hard and getting carried away with pranks. Now it’s some wank about a kid surviving a massacre then hosting megamurders so other people can discover who they really are by doing murders like a bad horror film about neo-Paleo dickheads. Awful.

I am now deeply concerned about the “original narrative experience” they’re making.

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It’s another dire old week in Chartland, with the last breaths of the Summer Sale ensuring, with the exception of spots #4 and #5, that all the usual suspects dominate. But we won’t let that change us! We’re better than this! We’re going to have fun anyway!

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Fortnite: Battle Royale is, so far, the pinnacle of the decade-old battle royale game genre. It’s no understatement to say that we haven’t seen a game enter the mainstream in this way since Minecraft – but it’s not the only battle royale out there, and the genre has never before seen such quantity nor such quality. We’ll go over a handful of our favourite battle royale games like Fortnite below. Each of these games has been picked out for taking the genre in new directions, or adding a particular feel or flavour to the genre that we haven’t found anywhere else. If you’re looking for Fortnite alternatives, you’d be hard-pressed to find a more colourful selection than this.

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Yes, yes, it’s me. I know, I know, but calm down. While it’s obviously very exciting to have a celebrity as handsome and excellent as me writing you some Steam Charts, I’m still just a regular ordinary guy underneath it all. I leap into my trousers both legs at once, same as anyone else.

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If there’s one thing that’s guaranteed to sweep through the Steam Charts like a giant fart, it’s a Steam Sale. Blowing out all the fresh, original or interesting new releases, the mid-year discount warehouse (Junction 45 off the M91) ensures it’s a top 10 of games you already bought or decided you don’t want to buy.

So who is buying them? Baddies. You lot are the goodies. It’s the baddies who do this to us.

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The battle royale game genre has been around for a good decade or so, but in the past year or two it has absolutely skyrocketed in popularity, thanks mostly to the mainstream success of Fortnite: Battle Royale. It’s no understatement to say that we haven’t seen a game enter the mainstream in this way since Minecraft – but it’s not the only battle royale out there, and the genre has never before seen such quantity nor such quality in its games.

We’re gonna go over a handful of our favourite battle royale games like Fortnite below. Each of these games has been picked out from the ever-expanding sea of battle royale games out there, because it takes the genre in a new direction or adds a particular feel or flavour to the genre that we haven’t found anywhere else. If you’re looking for Fortnite alternatives, you’d be hard-pressed to find a better selection than this.

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Glen Schofield, the director of Call Of Duty: WWII and executive producer of Dead Space, has joined PUBG Corp to lead an “original narrative experience” set in the world of Playerunknown’s Battlegrounds. The developers today announced Schofield as CEO of their new studio, Striking Distance. I am, as a leading authority on the narrative of Playerunknown’s Battlegrounds, fascinated to see what the new team bring to this game about stag & hen weekends turned deadly. Will Striking Distance go with a take inspired by comedy movies like The Hangover, slightly more fantastical comedy movies such as The Hangover Part II, or gritty comedy movies like The Hangover Part III? I can hardly wait.

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Hello friendly people! Welcome to the always-lovely, always-cheerful soft-play-of-fun-and-hyphens that is Steam Charts!

Today we’re going to laugh together, learn together, and maybe, just maybe, if we’re lucky, laugh and learn a little. Please, pull up a trouser, take a seat (take as many seats as you need – we have too many seats), and prepare to enjoy, laugh, and maybe even learn.

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The world’s deadliest stag and hen weekend holiday company are introducing the final three features for a truly unforgettable night of deadly banter: a foolish ride in a novelty vehicle, daft pyrotechnics, and climbing onto the roof of a restaurant. The next Playerunknown’s Battlegrounds update will add an amphibious boatcar, make the vehicle-refuelling petrol cans explode when shot, and let us grab onto ledges in mid-air to haul ourselves up. Oh you’ll be stumbling down the church aisle with one leg in a cast and your jaw wired shut, I see you. But at least it’s also adding Apex Legends-style contextual text messages to point out places and items, so you’ll be able to ping her hand with an “I do.”

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I’m declaring it: this is the Worst Week Ever for Steam Charts. And let’s face it – this is entirely your> fault. If you were a better person, you’d buy better games. But instead you buy the same eight bloody games every bloody week, and then buy a game that isn’t even out for over a year. A YEAR! You are awful, and you do not deserve me. This is your punishment.

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