I love to shoot the men! you shout, as you pump 100 bullets into the prostrate torso of a dead soldier in Far Cry 5. I m so glad there are no cutscenes to–

THWOCK.

Oh no.

And lo, the lord delivered unto ye a sermon of the highest tedium, and the Four Ubisoft Writers of the Apocalypse rode over the earth and reaped the souls of all humanity with pointless exposition and dull characterisation. It was a bad time. But it s not the only strong game let down by a bad tale. The latest episode of the RPS podcast, the Electronic Wireless Show, is unable to discuss all the offenders, but we can take a punt.

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I have very much enjoyed the Far Cry series, most often despite itself. Far Cries 3, 4 and Primal (why is everyone forgetting poor old Primal?) have all occupied me for countless hours, provided enormous amounts of entertainment in their kleptomania-inducing maps, and always done so despite everything it thinks is so compelling about itself. Far Cry’s self-belief in its own abysmal stories is always so grossly apparent, like a strutting buffoon bursting into the bar and looking around, confused, when every man, woman and animal doesn’t immediately throw themselves at his feet. So then he starts loudly demanding people throw themselves at his feet. And when they don’t, runs around putting his feet as near to people as he can and declares to the room that this counts. Oh Far Cry.

Unfortunately, this time out things have gotten a lot worse. Far Cry 5 – to run with the previous analogy – barges up to you, grabs you by the collar, and throws you down onto the ground by its shoes, screaming “MY FEET! WORSHIP MY BLOODY FEET!” Which is to say, engaging with its godawful cutscenes has become less optional. Far Cry 5 has the most egregiously bad imposition of its story. (more…)

Right, well, I’ve had a month off writing this it seems, so it’s time to check that Brendan and Alice have been looking after the Steam Charts properly. Obviously it requires regular watering, and perhaps most importantly, weeding, to prevent things getting out of contr… ALICE AND BRENDAN! COME HERE IMMEDIATELY!

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There are many reasons why Far Cry 5 has wormed its way into my cold heart far more than I’d ever expected, but foremost among them are its recruitable animal followers. Why have a crack-shot sniper or rocket-spewing airplane pilot watching your back, when you can have a tame bear and unnaturally loyal cougar by your side instead? Sure, there’s a cute dog, but screw that guy – Peaches the mountain lion and Cheesburger the grizzly are the best friends an anonymous law-enforcer on a one-person crusade to rid Montana of murderous cultists could have.

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I made my first Far Cry 5 map in the game’s Arcade Mode this morning, in collaboration with my 4-year-old daughter. It took me about an hour, it stars 20 cougars, two enormous yetis, half a dozen windmills and a tasteful pink pillow. It even has a puzzle, of sorts, involving a rocket launcher and a very high ladder. It was remarkably easy to create – you should give it a go yourself (you don’t have to include quite so many cougars, though).

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When you go to San Fraaaanciscooo, be sure to wear a lanyard with Media inscribed on it round youuur nnnneck That s what Adam, John and Brendan sang to each other as they gleefully skipped through the streets of California s tram-infested hill city. The crew were in town for the yearly Game Developer’s Conference where they spoke to developers, played games, and gambled on the results of the annual awards show. Now they re back and ready to tell you all about their Stateside adventures on the latest RPS podcast, the Electronic Wireless Show. (more…)

Ah, a new Far Cry has appeared! Having torn up the Himalayas, Polynesia, Central Africa and The Past, in Far Cry 5 Ubisoft s lidlessly searing eye for endless open-world violence has turned to the USA. Specifically, we’re in Montana, where Ubisoft have conjured a new set of colourfully monologuing nemeses who toy with you as they enact their Bad Plans while you try to ignore them so you can get on with the important business of hanging out with animal pals. Which particular brand of environment and Kurtz-like do we get this time? Let s find out.

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Whenever I talk to anyone I know about Far Cry 5, all I hear is frustration. Frustration at the embarrassing and cowardly storytelling (I agree). Frustration at the weirdly functional crafting, shopping and perk unlock systems (I agree). Frustration that there aren’t many mountains to basejump off (I agree). Frustration at how the near-constant arrival of roadside enemies, sometimes in all-seeing helicopters, is deleterious to playing it as a stealth game (I agree). Hell, I agree with every single criticism I’ve heard or read.

But I’m having a fantastic> time. I don’t mean this in a straightforward “lol but the guns are fun” way – fundamentally, Far Cry’s setting and pace clicks with me in a way the even more outlandish 3 & 4 never did.

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It’s only day two for Far Cry 5‘s Arcade Mode, a combination of map-maker and sharing tool which enables anyone to play anything made by anyone else from within the main game. As such, the pickings are currently slim – but even so, we already have an all-time winner.

Unless, for some reason, you don’t share the belief that a volcanic island populated exclusively by homicidal Limp Bizkit frontmen is the pinnacle of human creativity. (more…)

Having been supplied code for Far Cry 5 late, I haven t yet had time to play enough to write the full Wot I Think, but since it s out today, I thought I d give you a whiff of its flavour so far. (tl;dr: It s mostly pine needles and burning flesh.)>

After 9 hours and 15 minutes of Far Cry 5, I ve killed 912 enemies. That s 1.6 kills a minute, including cutscenes and wandering plains, forests and mountains of Hope County, Montana. It even includes a spot of salmon fishing. There is a lot of killing in Far Cry 5, which is a game that does not like to leave you alone for a goddamned minute. (more…)