Videogames, broadly speaking, handle dongs in one of two ways: There's randomization, such as in Rust, and there's the user selectable, as seen in Conan Exiles. The multiplayer survival game Scum will be taking the latter approach in its upcoming Wild Hunter update, which will enable players to customize their wangs using the same attribute points that determine strength, stamina, and intelligence. 

A standalone slider for adjusting the size of your dong from one to ten inches can be seen in the peen screen up above, but a Devolver rep confirmed—because these are the kinds of questions I get paid to ask—that increasing the size of your package will require points that could otherwise be spent on more practical character attributes. But the opposite is also true: You can shrink your dink to boost those attributes beyond what they'd normally be. 

I would like to think that's what all players would do—make their dongs as small as possible in order to be stronger, smarter, and tougher, which actually count for something—but the thing about that particular piece of anatomy is that it doesn't always inspire rational thinking. I can't help but wonder if all of this isn't actually some sort of bizarre psychosocial experiment: What percentage of Scum players will prioritize their endowment over more practical attributes and abilities that can actually help them survive in a violent, unforgiving world?   

Owners of the Scum Supporters Pack will get an additional two inches on their unit, which they can swing around as a badge of honor or sacrifice for bonus points elsewhere. Not even kidding.

Ironically, the dong dilemma may not matter for most players anyway, as it's not currently clear whether beefy tackle will even be visible through pants. I asked the rep and was told that "guys at Devolver don't know about bulges." Okay then, sorry I brought it up. 

The Wild Hunter update features quite a number of of non-dong-related new features as well, including bow and arrow skills for hunting and combat, new boars and goats that can be killed and then crafted into clothing (or territory-delineating heads-on-spikes, if that's your thing), and new musical instruments including a banjo, guitar, and harmonica. In fact, the rep said the new hunting mode and clothing are the real "meat" of the update, but the link to the asset archive was labeled "key art and dick pics," so I'm not sure that's actually true.   

In any event, the Scum: Wild Hunter update goes live today. Enjoy some more new screens down below. 

Butts are big in Fortnite (and James likes them, he cannot lie) but it's not the only game to see glory in the glutes. Scum, the survival game that's getting a heart attack mechanic to deal with a guy who just won't stop stuffing his face, will also soon embrace the power of the posterior. 

Developer Gamepires didn't expand on exactly what's in store in this Wild Hunter update or how it will be imposed (exposed?) but it's reasonable to assume that bare backs also means bare fronts, which as any Rust player could tell you is something we all need more of. 

A rep declined to provide further information about what what's in the butt update. "More details coming in the next update," they said. "But categorically speaking that’s a good butt right there."

Honestly, it's a little surprising that full-on nudity isn't a part of Scum already. After all, this is a game that lets players eat people (and then barf it up after), drop a deuce from the top of a dam, and fashion masks out of human skin. By comparison, running around with your ass (and all the other bits) hanging out seems pretty tame.

Of course, that's assuming Gamepires and Devolver aren't just messing with us, and honestly you can never be entirely sure about that—butt you can be sure we'll let you know when we find out.  

Last month we told you about one player's quest to become the heaviest character in Scum, testing the limits of the simulationist survival game by chowing down on the undead. He's up to 400 kilograms now, by the way.

Speaking to PC Gamer at PAX Australia, Devolver Digital co-founder Graeme Struthers explained that Scum's creators are well aware of this heroic effort. "There is one guy on Reddit who has attracted quite a lot of attention because he's trying to figure out the most efficient way of getting fat," Struthers said. "The implication of that will be a heart attack, because in real life you'd reach that point. Those kind of things will start to be added in, so that's probably going to be the end of eating zombie fat."

At the moment it's possible for characters in Scum to die of hypothermia or overexertion, but a heart attack purely from overeating would be new. "This doesn't necessarily mean the end," Struthers went on to say. "He might go on a diet. He might take the view that if there's gonna be heart problems he might find another Reddit opportunity. How does he lose that weight? What exercise regime does he undertake? There could be a Scum diet book. Imagine that: Scum Diet and Exercise Regime."

Heart attacks caused by overindulgence won't necessarily make it into the next patch. What will be is a feature many more players have been asking for. "There's gonna be vehicles coming in the next update," Struthers said. An SUV and a tractor have been confirmed.

A date for the update has not been announced. "They're making sure things work before they deploy them," said Struthers. "In the background there's a great deal of testing and QA going on."