We've slaved over it. We've missed sleep, meals, and loved ones for it. We've been up countless hours perfecting it. And now, finally, we've put it aside for a few minutes to slap together this update.

So here it is, folks: a Team Fortress 2 100% guaranteed Hatless Update! Now if you'll excuse us, we'd like to get back to our years-long quest to design the ultimate hat. "For the game?" you ask. Uhhh, sure. Now pass those sequins.

Nice work, everyone! We're excited to share that, thanks to the generosity of the TF community, in two short weeks we managed to collect $430,543.65 for the Japanese disaster relief fund. It's been inspiring to watch gamers around the world come together for such a worthy cause.

We'd also like to give a special thanks to the good folks over at the Unusual Hats Club for taking it upon themselves to raise an additional $3,000 through their own Hats for Help campaign.

Thanks for taking part in our charity drive, everyone! Wear your hats with pride!

Um. Hello. Is this on? Excuse please. This is first time making blog post. For babies. I am sorry. Before I sell you something, I am supposed to flatter you. So: not baby. You are all not babies. There. Done. Yes?

No? Oh kay.

Usually Soldier has baby job of talking to you through button board. He cannot come to blog today because he tells me he must accept highest honor US government can give: Jury Duty. He could not wait to go deliver his guilty hanging verdict for whatever it is criminal did, but he left seventeen page speech for me to type to you. I am not doing this.

Anyway, hats. They are new and very good for you. There are ten of them. One is bear, not hat. So nine hats and bear. Available through drops, craftings and store. Is good deal, you should buy. Moneys go to TF community members who make hats and bears. Do not wait. Get in line now for hat or bear. Have money ready because line is going to be long.

These are good words. Job is done. Where is Heavy's hat?

What?

I SAID, WHERE IS HEAVY'S HAT?

Here's an update of some happenings in the TF2 community:

• ChemicalAlia has been working on a female counterpart to the Spy.
• Gang Garrison just launched a new classy update with all sorts of new and improved features.
• ETF2L finals for the European Highlander Challenge Cup has been completed! SNSD clinched top spot against Colony.
• Pubbers vs Pros has also concluded with the pubbers grabbing the win against the pros.
• Replays of both the Highlander Challenge and Pubbers vs Pros mentioned tournaments are available here complete with commentary.
• Turkeydoesnotwantplz made this sweet minigun to tromp around his neighborhood with. Looks like he needs a couple more sandviches though.
• TF2TV is holding a competition for people to create a TF2TV themed poster or wallpaper. Details on their page.

Wow. Seriously, people, WOW. We knew you had it in you, but we're still amazed you've raised over $300,000 so far.

Take a BOW, TF2 community -- because that is an incredible, frankly astounding, amount of money from a dedicated number of gamers, to one heck of a lot of people in some real need right now. Anytime someone gives you guff about something negative in gaming, you go ahead and point them to this post, because here's some late-breaking damn news: they are wrong and gamers are generous and awesome.

Thanks again, and don't forget, these items are available until April 6.

Here at Valve, we've always been consistently blown away by the creativity and generosity of the TF2 community -- through art contests, map making, item creating, or any one of the hundreds of other ways that you manage to impress us every day.



Today, we'd like to offer a chance to help out at a time when that help matters most. To support the relief efforts currently underway in Japan, we're introducing three limited edition hats and two special noisemakers to the Mann Co. store. The "Humanitarian's Hachimaki" ($7.99), the "Benefactor's Kanmuri" ($19.99) and the most prestigious "Magnanimous Monarch" ($99.99) will be available from now through April 6. All proceeds (net of applicable taxes) will go directly towards the Japanese disaster relief fund that the American Red Cross has set up. The hats can be equipped by all classes; however, they cannot be traded or used for crafting.

Cower, peasants! Flee, terrified ronin! Crap in your ancient Japanese bamboo underpants, feudal warlords! For something approaches unlike anything you have ever seen! The Shogun Pack -- a collaboration between Team Fortress 2, the TF community, and Total War: Shogun 2 -- descends upon you like a rising sun! (But in reverse.)

We've been listening to our community's famished cries for content, and damn it, we decided to do something about it. Unfortunately, the button that bans everybody in the community at once doesn't seem to be working (every time we press it we just get sparks and the smell of burnt fur). So we went with our tried-and-true Plan B: an all-new map pack, featuring some community favorites including a new map from the guy behind cp_mountainlab, the winner of TF2Maps.net's Art Pass Contest.

As if we could keep this from you. We tried to but then quickly realized we're not very good at keeping secrets. Case in point, this whole sing along episode. On with the community updates:

• United Kingdom Community Servers is running a Knockout Cup in the Highlander format. Rules can be found here. Spectators should head over to TF2 TV to check out the action. Live. That's right. Live. As in when it happens. Like a news cast. Except better. There's rockets.
• ESL is doing a 128 slot 1 on 1 Scout Cup. Two weeks left for signups! As if that wasn't enough, there's prizes for the top three! Be sure to grab the custom map for the contest as well.
• SlienceMaster's username suddenly becomes forgivable once you realize he's made this fancy hat. It certainly looks like the Voodoo Juju. Probably will need to confiscate it to be sure. Perhaps we could setup a donation drive for him to buy a spellchecker.

Any time we have a tie-in promotion with another game, we'll send the TF mercs a package with all the new items in it (except Heavy, who lives in some remote log mansion in the Dzhugdzhur Mountains. We just mail it to the nearest Siberian town, and they dogsled it up to him eventually). This gives them a chance to get acquainted with the new weaponry, so they're not surprised when they show up back to work.

But when we sent out our latest promotion--Rift, the upcoming MMO from Trion Worlds--we were puzzled when Scout sent it back, unopened. We gave him a call.

"Hey, man," we said. "We were wondering why you hadn't opened--"