Most patch notes are boring. Fixed a bug that stopped a menu from opening properly. D.Va's Defense Matrix doesn't last as long. Wukong's attack speed is 10 percent slower. That's the usual stuff, chronicling important but dull balance changes across years of a game's life. And then there are patch notes like this: "Added cat butchery." "Made all undead respectful of one another." "Tigerman does not have ears."
That's the good stuff.
Those are the kinds of wonderfully crazy patch notes Dwarf Fortress has given us over the years. Determined to top the absurdity of Dwarf Fortress's bizarre changelogs, I put on my deerstalker, grabbed my magnifying glass, and set out to find the strangest patch notes in the history of PC gaming. These absurdities are the result.
Alpha 12
Alpha 16
Alpha 17
---
Patch 15.2.2017
Patch 15.2.2017
Patch 23.02.2017
Update 24
Update 25
Update 28
---
Update 149
Update 152
August 28, 2014
---
1.2.0.2
1.2.1
1.2.3
---
02/04/2016
02/04/2016
01/12/2017
05/25/2017
---
January 29th 2013
October 1st 2013
November 19th 2013
---
254.9
---
1.2
---
1.3.0
1.4.0
2.1.0
2.4.0
3.1.0
---
1.314
1.35
---
July 10, 2001
---
August 15, 2001
December 6, 2001
---
1.4
---
1.2
---
1.02
---
1.1
---
1.3
---
Patch 1
Nvidia's software engineers seem to have worked overtime on the company's GeForce 385.41 WHQL drivers. The "Game Ready" driver package brings support and optimizations to half a dozen games, whereas as Nvidia usually focuses on just one or two.
If you own a GeForce graphics card and are planning to participate in the Destiny 2 open beta that kicks off August 28 and runs until the end of the month, you will want to install this driver package. Other games that Nvidia focused on include PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds, ARK: Survival Evolved, F1 2017, Pro Evolution Soccer 2018, and Quake Champions (Steam Early Access).
That is quite the list. In addition, you will find new or updated SLI profiles for ARK: Survival Evolved, Destiny 2, Faith of Danschant, Lawbreakers, Secret World Legends, and Starpoint Gemini Warlords. And if you're gaming on a laptop, the latest driver release introduces Whisper Mode profiles for F1 2017 and Destiny 2. Beyond that, there is a 3D Vision profile for Pro Evolution Soccer 2018 that is rated as "Excellent."
While Nvidia's engineers spent a lot of time optimizing code for several games, they only got around to stomping out a single bug. For GeForce GTX 970 owners playing Lawbreakers, the 385.41 driver release addresses an issue that was causing a drop in framerates.
You can download the driver package here. For Windows 10 64-bit, the download is around 436MB. And if you're using an AMD GPU, there are also Destiny 2 AMD drivers available.

Sandbox craft-o-survival mega-hit Ark: Survival Evolved [official site] stomps to a full launch next week, after two years in early access. After that long, ah, sure, schedules will get a little jumbled. So here’s the launch trailer a few days early, which I’m told reveals some of the mystery of why loads of folks are thrown onto an island filled with dinosaurs, mythical animals, spaceman technology, and dinosaurs augmented with spaceman technology. The answer, apparently, is not “Because it’s p. dang cool to have a load of dinosaurs stomping around.”
Ark: Survival Evolved is inching ever closer to leaving Early Access, and in preparation of its launch, hundreds of official servers are going extinct. These low-population servers, which make up about 33% of all existing servers, are being wiped on August 29, so if you've got pet dinos or other belongings you don't want to lose, it's time to pack them up and stuff them (and your character) into an Obelisk or Tek Transmitter so you can retrieve them from a different server later.
You can see a full list of official PC servers that are getting wiped right here.
"Any existing server that is not considered a low pop server and is not taken down will become a Legacy server," the post on Ark's official site reads. "Legacy servers will remain on a separate cluster from the new cluster, which means you will not be able to transfer anything between Legacy servers and the new servers."
Legacy servers will "receive all of the same fixes and content that the new cluster will" the post says. However, Legacy servers will no longer be supported by Ark's customer service:
"All outstanding tickets to our Customer Support team will be wiped clean on launch day, and no future tickets submitted by those playing on Legacy servers will be accepted. Going forward our Customer Support team will be focused on assisting those present on the new cluster, which will not be plagued by many of the issues that occurred during the Early Access process."
If you can't bear to say goodbye, you'll also be able to download save files for the deleted official servers. "We will make the save files available as soon as we can, which will likely be sometime before Saturday. We will host these files which anyone can download and then you are welcome to re-host the save file for your own use. We'll include a link to where you can download server saves in this post when they are available."
A lot of server-side work in particular, more physics threading and more efficient networking. For clients, one of the biggest areas for potential improvement currently is faster rendering of large bases: using instanced meshes to render hundreds of structures in a single draw-call. After that, general profiling. DX12 is still of interest, but we need to do more analysis to make sure it’s a real benefit to players -- the gains were small last time we checked, and the drivers were unstable, though I imagine a lot has improved over the past year, so will be taking another look at it!
Will do, easy enough.
Aye, it should be added when we allocate more server machines at launch.
It’s intended. In essence, much of the content exists in two forms: seekfree (for fast-loading of the basic game), and non-seekfree for support of Mods and Total Conversion to use individual assets. That said, there is a strong argument the non-seekfree files necessary for Mods should be contained in an optional “Mod Support” DLC pack, and not part of the immediate base game. Will consider this in the days ahead.
It shall be done!
Yes, we have a tentative rework of the Kibble Tree that will be going live on the post-retail-launch “Experimental” branch for public feedback.
It shall be done!
Yep.
Yeah, as we get into retail launch and beyond, more Support Staff is going to be needed and we’ll be getting that buffed in the coming weeks.
Those are good, and we’ll get it done!
Yeah, we’ll just add the capability to use Ansel if you’re an admin :-P
The company that manufactures & distributes the Collector’s Editions (which is not us directly) has told us that when they sell out, they can manufacture more that are CE-only (and thus cheaper) without the game included. I think we’re close to selling out, so we’ll bug them about it now.
Yep, we need to do give it a proper Seekfree cook which would then have the same load times as the base game. We’ll do so soon. The problem is that it has to then be updated (recooked) more often as well, but I think we can handle it. We may also provide Dev Kit authors with the option to do a (large but super-fast-loading) Seekfree cook.
Yes, we’ll add this. Been on the todo list for a while but darn the limited buttons available on gamepad. What you suggest seems like a good way to go with it.
Yes, Bio/Hazard Suit is incoming.
It was… interesting. In all fairness, we actually had to modify the lowest-level PhysX code in order to make it work halfway-decently :-P I hope to do more with that soon.
After the Phoenix ;)
Unreal 4’s own official Vulkan integration was only like half-functional when I last reviewed it a few months ago. I’ll take a look shortly to see if it’s farther along. Once Epic has got it going fully well (fully matching the functionality and pipeline of DX11 & Shader Model 5), I’d like to try to incorporate it into ARK.
It ought to gather berries! :-P
Tek Bow isn’t a question of “if”, just a question of “when”!
Hmm, could be fun. <*Ouch, prickly!*> In all seriousness, we should totally do it and will. Would be fun to have more growable crops.
Soon -- the Xbox One X runs at 1440p 30 FPS using “PC High” settings, or 60 FPS 1080p using “PC Medium” settings (we’ll provide the Option for either High or Medium modes). Also because the Xbox One X has so much available RAM, ARK for Xbox One X has a new 4k texture pack (free DLC) and when the a non-dedicated multiplayer host is Xbox One X, the clients don’t have a distance-tether! It was shown behind-closed-doors on August 8 Xbox One X event at Microsoft, so I think we can take some video from that build.
A lot of server-side work in particular, more physics threading and more efficient networking. For clients, one of the biggest areas for potential improvement currently is faster rendering of large bases: using instanced meshes to render hundreds of structures in a single draw-call. After that, general profiling. DX12 is still of interest, but we need to do more analysis to make sure it’s a real benefit to players -- the gains were small last time we checked, and the drivers were unstable, though I imagine a lot has improved over the past year, so will be taking another look at it!
Will do, easy enough.
Aye, it should be added when we allocate more server machines at launch.
It’s intended. In essence, much of the content exists in two forms: seekfree (for fast-loading of the basic game), and non-seekfree for support of Mods and Total Conversion to use individual assets. That said, there is a strong argument the non-seekfree files necessary for Mods should be contained in an optional “Mod Support” DLC pack, and not part of the immediate base game. Will consider this in the days ahead.
It shall be done!
Yes, we have a tentative rework of the Kibble Tree that will be going live on the post-retail-launch “Experimental” branch for public feedback.
It shall be done!
Yep.
Yeah, as we get into retail launch and beyond, more Support Staff is going to be needed and we’ll be getting that buffed in the coming weeks.
Those are good, and we’ll get it done!
Yeah, we’ll just add the capability to use Ansel if you’re an admin :-P
The company that manufactures & distributes the Collector’s Editions (which is not us directly) has told us that when they sell out, they can manufacture more that are CE-only (and thus cheaper) without the game included. I think we’re close to selling out, so we’ll bug them about it now.
Yep, we need to do give it a proper Seekfree cook which would then have the same load times as the base game. We’ll do so soon. The problem is that it has to then be updated (recooked) more often as well, but I think we can handle it. We may also provide Dev Kit authors with the option to do a (large but super-fast-loading) Seekfree cook.
Yes, we’ll add this. Been on the todo list for a while but darn the limited buttons available on gamepad. What you suggest seems like a good way to go with it.
Yes, Bio/Hazard Suit is incoming.
It was… interesting. In all fairness, we actually had to modify the lowest-level PhysX code in order to make it work halfway-decently :-P I hope to do more with that soon.
After the Phoenix ;)
Unreal 4’s own official Vulkan integration was only like half-functional when I last reviewed it a few months ago. I’ll take a look shortly to see if it’s farther along. Once Epic has got it going fully well (fully matching the functionality and pipeline of DX11 & Shader Model 5), I’d like to try to incorporate it into ARK.
It ought to gather berries! :-P
Tek Bow isn’t a question of “if”, just a question of “when”!
Hmm, could be fun. <*Ouch, prickly!*> In all seriousness, we should totally do it and will. Would be fun to have more growable crops.
Soon -- the Xbox One X runs at 1440p 30 FPS using “PC High” settings, or 60 FPS 1080p using “PC Medium” settings (we’ll provide the Option for either High or Medium modes). Also because the Xbox One X has so much available RAM, ARK for Xbox One X has a new 4k texture pack (free DLC) and when the a non-dedicated multiplayer host is Xbox One X, the clients don’t have a distance-tether! It was shown behind-closed-doors on August 8 Xbox One X event at Microsoft, so I think we can take some video from that build.