The hottest craze amongst GTA Online players is donning a green alien suit, picking up a baseball bat, and riding around with their alien friends in a van looking for people to beat up. In a game where death usually comes from some walloper on a hoverbike raining missiles, it’s delightfully silly. But aliens could never hold the streets of Los Santos forever. While attempts to fight them as Men In Black (in black suit with the black Ray-Bans on) haven’t really caught on, a surprising credible opposition has emerged: other aliens. Purple alien gangs have arrived, and they have come to rumble. I dropped into an alien street war myself today.

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Aliens are terrorising the streets of Los Santos, bursting out of vans to beat players to death with baseball bats, pool cues, and their little green fists then fleeing the scene. This isn’t a new GTA Online expansion, it’s the hot new craze amongst players. Over the past fortnight, as videos of alien van gangs have spread online, more and more players have bought the silly green alien suit and joined up with other pranksters for old-fashioned beatdowns. I’ve not yet encountered the visitors myself but am enjoying watching everyone’s close encounters.

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I’ve found myself oddly envious of pigeons lately, watching them strut around without a care, and I feel fully vindicated after becoming a pigeon myself in GTA Online. For funsies, Rockstar have re-enabled the peyote plants which let players transform into random animals, from dogs and deer to pigs and pigeons. My favourite so far is becoming a cougar, burly enough to bowl pedestrians over without even attacking, though the stingray had a nice ‘nature documentary’ vibe rippling around beneath the waves.

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An obscenely rich teenager throws his VR controller across the room in a fit of blind panic while playing Half-Life: Alyx. It leaves the window of his bedroom at 5m/s. It falls 10m vertically and hits his neighbour s greenhouse, smashing the glass. How many metres did the controller travel horizontally before coming to a stop in the tomatoes? Use a kinematic formula to determine your answer and show your wor–

UGH, physics. Here are 10 games where physics is not boring, but good.

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On the highways and flyways of GTA Online, no vehicle more clearly flags a player as a potential dickhead than the Oppressor Mk II. This jet-powered hoverbike can whizz round streets, fly high over the city, and rain homing missiles, making it a top pick for the sort of wrong’un who wants to grief everyone. Bad news, gang: the Oppressor Mk II has a 30% discount this week, meaning we’ll be seeing more of them over Los Santos. Brace yourself.

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A legally-distinct series of races which are definitely not Formula One featuring no official F1 vehicles arrived in GTA Online, and it’s as messy as you’d expect from an open-world murder simulator. Up to 16 murderers can compete in the new Open Wheel Races, whipping around at tight tracks at 120mph while fighting their honed instincts which scream to ram and kill everyone. At least, that’s what I imagine other players are experiencing when I see six cars pile up at the first corner. While you can buy an F1 car for keepsies, the races will provide one so all are welcome. Ish. Welcome-ish. Unless you get in my way.

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It’s said that the aerodynamic design of Formula One cars generates so much downforce that you could, theoretically, drive one upside-down. In reality, nobody seems willing to risk vehicle and vertebrae to attempt this stunt. But in GTA Online, we’re mere bytes so of course driving on the ceiling (oh what a feeling!) was one of the first things people tried when the first F1 car arrived last week. It is possible, and it’s great fun. I won one myself and frankly am now more interested in F1 stunting than the F1 races launching this week. Come see.

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A series of Formula 1-y races are coming to GTA Online on February 27th, Rockstar announced today. I say ‘Formula 1’ because that’s the one I know, but I suppose the upcoming Open Wheel Race Series could be inspired by F2, or IndyCar, or… look, it’s those weird cars shaped like fighter jets, okay. While those races don’t start until next Thursday, crimepeople do have the opportunity to win one of its new cars now. The Progen PR4 is the grand prize on the Diamond Casino’s free-to-spin prize wheel this week, see, and that’s the only official way to get it before the launch.

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This week in GTA Online, the shiny Dewbauchee Vagner supercar has a tidy 35% discount. I’ve heard it’s a good car and, being flush with cash from the recent giveaways, I thought I’d treat myself to one. Oh! Yes, that’s a good car. That’s a really good car. That’s great. I’ve never driven a good car before. If I’d known GTA Online’s expensive cars were actually great, not just flashy, I wouldn’t have spent literal years of ill-gotten gains on novelty cars and wacky trash. I have amassed sensible family cars, crapmobiles, and racing hearses when I could have been travelling with style, speed, and luxury. And yet, I am still proud of my garage of garbage and wish to show you what I’ve been suffering through.

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