Down it, down it, dowwwn it, yeeaahhh! Nice one, you skulled that pint of fizzy water and lemon like an absolute legend, mate, well done. I always knew you were a top enjoyer of a wild night on the tiles, on the rip, on the slosh, on the tear, on the floor, on the bathroom floor, no listen you’re on the bathroom floor mate, for real, get up. I think that San Pelegrino went straight to your head. Maybe just go home, lie down, and play some RPGs. You can always simulate the reckless abandon of a big night in one of these, the 9 best nights out in PC games.

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If you haven’t finally cracked into The Witcher 3 after three months of lockdown, perhaps you never will. Still, this latest offer from GOG might make you rethink, as from now until June 23rd, they’re giving away free GOG copies of the game to anybody who’s bought it on other platforms, such as Steam, Epic Games Store and Origin – even PS4 and Xbox One copies are eligible. Best of all, your save file and achievements will transfer over, too.

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GOG’s Summer Sale is in full swing at the moment, but just in case you needed another reason to dive back in to their big sack o’ deals, they’ve just added a new Witcher collection that gets you all five games for £20 / $27, plus a bunch of free games, including Thimbleweed Park’s Delores Mini-Adventure, so grab ’em while you can until June 15th.

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Technically it should be happy birthday to The Witcher 3, but it’s always better to put a face to an event, don’t you think? Yes, this week we all celebrated the fifth anniversary of CD Projekt’s most favoured baby (until later this year, at least). Join Alice Bee, VidBud Matthew and Nate as they discuss how Geralt would do on Come Dine With Me, if he’d be alright to have a pint with, and also maybe the game itself a bit.

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One of the first things you do in The Witcher 3‘s Blood And Wine DLC is fight a giant. He comes at you moments after you arrive in Toussaint (read: France), when a very silly looking knight rides past you while frantically tilting at a windmill. The giant erupts from that windmill, flailing his club around and sending errant sheep flying. They roll and baa, while you do cool sword moves around succulent countryside. It is both glorious and gorgeous, and a downright terrific way to kick off some of the best adventuring in videogames.

I sure hope you like being heralded in verse.

They really go for that sort of thing in Toussaint. They go hard. It is a silly place, where people swear oaths on herons and dress up as rabbits for courtly nonsense. Geralt, as you might expect, makes a fantastic foil. Especially when he joins in. (more…)

It has taken me a long, long time to figure out how I, personally, can enjoy The Witcher 3. It got recommended to me loads because it’s a big flouncy fantasy RPG, which is my type of thing. But playing it was like running into a brick wall. Or a wattle and daub wall. Or maybe the planks of a grim, windowless wooden hut? Basically, I find it really difficult to inhabit Geralt. Rather than being a John Q. Everyman type, he is a strongly characterised man whose history I do not know – and which I’m not prepared to read an entire library worth of books or play two previous very long games to uncover, thank you very much.

Neither do I feel like I am a protector helping Geralt along, because he is clearly much better at his job without me, given all his expertise in monsters and the seven different types of weeds that’ll kill them and such. I ran into trouble playing it last night, for example, because I could not figure out how to brew more of the Swallow potion. The Witcher 3 would go more smoothly without me, the equivalent of an unqualified middle-manager, forcing my involvement on Geralt. But I have come up with a solution, and that is to ignore almost all of The Witcher 3.

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If a Netflix show and years of people going on about it have finally convinced you to consider giving The Witcher a go, good news: to celebrate the fifth birthday of The Witcher 3, the whole series is on sale. Both Steam and GOG have big Witcher sales, including the whole RPG series plus various spin-offs. £10 for The Witcher 3 and both expansions is a good price for so many grimaces and weary sighs, every one of them great.

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I’m one of those people.

I love the idea of The Witcher 3. I enjoy playing the game, even. But I seem to be cursed. Every year or so I sit down to play it, full of resolve to see it through to the end. But every damn time, despite finding myself increasingly drawn in to its meticulously crafted fantasy world, and despite revelling in my role as a sort of ultra-violent Hagrid within it, I only ever manage a handful of hours before getting distracted and drifting away from the game. By the time I’ve got the urge to come back again, I’ve forgotten what was going on. And so I start again, like a gaming Sisyphus forever pushing a grumpy mutant up a hill.

I’ve played the start of The Witcher 3 five times now. And so, to commemorate its fifth anniversary and my impending, inevitable sixth attempt at playing it, I’ve decided to see how much of the game I can remember and synopsise here, without cheating and googling anything. I’m going to try and do this in one take, so I can’t second guess myself, and I’ve even done some illustrations, to help with your immersion in the tale. So, are you prepared? Let’s go!

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Well well, it’s not every day (or year) that you see a new custom story mod for The Witcher. Yes, the original Witcher with the clunky combat and clunkier menus and questionable voice acting that is still pretty enjoyable despite all that. This new adventure is made in The Witcher 1 but takes place after the events of The Witcher 3. Geralt finds his way back to the outskirts of Vizima where, as usual, there’s a murder mystery to solve and a monster to catch.

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GOG’s Spring sale begins today, and there are lots of free Witcher goodies up for grabs to kick things off. Alas, The Witcher games themselves aren’t free as part of the goodie pack (although they’re all heavily discounted as part of GOG’s Witcher Universe Collection bundle), but it does include lots of Witcher soundtracks, comics, art, wallpapers and a video of some Witcher music being played at The Video Game Show concert. You’ll need to get ’em quick, though, as the goodies pack is only available until 2pm UTC tomorrow (March 18th). Read on below for some more highlights.

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