<a href="http://www.teamfortress.com/pyromania/cityonfire"><img src="http://www.teamfortress.com/images/posts/pyromania_cityonfire_blog_2.jpg" width="420" height="263" border="0"> </a>

At the end of the day, the Pyromania update is a celebration—not just of Team Fortress, but more importantly of <i>you</i>, the TF community, and even more importantly than that, of us, the TF blog post writers, and how great yesterday's blog post was. That Men Without Hats material was a career high. In fact, we decided to never touch this blog again in the hope that it might be preserved in a perfect state for future generations.

You’re probably wondering, then, why we’re crapping up the blog with the crummy words you’re reading right now. Well, if you thought <i>writing</i> blog posts barely qualifies as a job, it turns out <i>not</i> writing them is apparently a lot worse. So as an alternative to getting fired, welcome to <a href="http://www.teamfortress.com/pyromania/cityonfire">Pyromania Day Two</a>'s blog post, which we've chosen to use as a moment of quiet reflection on the stellar comedic heights we hit yesterday. We've also only got one more day until Pyromania goes live, exploding into a fireball of new item sets, a new game mode, and of course, Meet the Pyro.

At the end of the day, the Pyromania update is a celebration—not just of Team Fortress, but more importantly of you, the TF community, and even more importantly than that, of us, the TF blog post writers, and how great yesterday's blog post was. That Men Without Hats material was a career high. In fact, we decided to never touch this blog again in the hope that it might be preserved in a perfect state for future generations.

You’re probably wondering, then, why we’re crapping up the blog with the crummy words you’re reading right now. Well, if you thought writing blog posts barely qualifies as a job, it turns out not writing them is apparently a lot worse. So as an alternative to getting fired, welcome to Pyromania Day Two's blog post, which we've chosen to use as a moment of quiet reflection on the stellar comedic heights we hit yesterday. We've also only got one more day until Pyromania goes live, exploding into a fireball of new item sets, a new game mode, and of course, Meet the Pyro.

You read that right (presumably): the long-awaited final Meet the Team short, Meet the Pyro, is dropping in less than three days, and we decided to assemble a massive update to celebrate it.

<a href="http://www.teamfortress.com/pyromania"><img src="http://www.teamfortress.com/images/posts/blog_pyromania_x.jpg" height="155" width="420" border="0"></a>

That only left the issue of what to <i>call</i> the update. Luckily, at the very moment we were thinking about it, someone turned on the radio. Guess what song was on? That's right: 'Safety Dance'.

"That's a pretty catchy song," we said. "Who sings that?" Well, we don't want to upset you, so we won't type it here, but suffice it to say the band that wrote 'Safety Dance' has the most unthinkably offensive name we've ever heard.

Then 'Rock of Ages' came on, off Def Leppard's album <i>Pyromania</i>, so we turned off the radio because it wasn't helping. Suddenly, no thanks at all to music, we came up with the name on our own: <a href="http://www.teamfortress.com/pyromania">The Pyromania Update</a>.

Day One of Pyromania reveals <a href="http://www.teamfortress.com/pyromania/doomsday">Doomsday</a>, a new map with a brand new game mode that lets you relive one of the darkest days in TF history. It's all pretty heartwrenching, until you discover you'll get achievements, which are also detailed in today's update.

Keep your eyes open, folks. We'll be announcing a bunch of new stuff this week, right up until the premiere of Meet the Pyro this Wednesday.

You read that right (presumably): the long-awaited final Meet the Team short, Meet the Pyro, is dropping in less than three days, and we decided to assemble a massive update to celebrate it.



That only left the issue of what to call the update. Luckily, at the very moment we were thinking about it, someone turned on the radio. Guess what song was on? That's right: 'Safety Dance'.

"That's a pretty catchy song," we said. "Who sings that?" Well, we don't want to upset you, so we won't type it here, but suffice it to say the band that wrote 'Safety Dance' has the most unthinkably offensive name we've ever heard.

Then 'Rock of Ages' came on, off Def Leppard's album Pyromania, so we turned off the radio because it wasn't helping. Suddenly, no thanks at all to music, we came up with the name on our own: The Pyromania Update.

Day One of Pyromania reveals Doomsday, a new map with a brand new game mode that lets you relive one of the darkest days in TF history. It's all pretty heartwrenching, until you discover you'll get achievements, which are also detailed in today's update.

Keep your eyes open, folks. We'll be announcing a bunch of new stuff this week, right up until the premiere of Meet the Pyro this Wednesday.

<a href="http://www.teamfortress.com/post.php?id=8256">Mmmmph mmmmph, mmmmm mmmmmp mmmmmph. Mmmmmph mpm! Mmmmmph mph mm! Hm mmmmmph, hmmmmph mm mmmmmph mmmmmph!</a>

Mmmmph mmmmph, mmmmm mmmmmp mmmmmph. Mmmmmph mpm! Mmmmmph mph mm! Hm mmmmmph, hmmmmph mm mmmmmph mmmmmph!

<img src="http://media.steampowered.com/apps/tf2/blog/make_a_gun/gun_image001.jpg" width="420" height="262" />

A lot of you have been asking how all those nifty weapons get made for TF2. Well, you’re in luck. TF2 workshop contributor <a href="http://steamcommunity.com/id/jalcober
">Jalcober</a>

volunteered to talk you through exactly how he does it in his own words, tracking the progress of a pretty sweet Pyro gun he made called the Scorch Shot. But why not let him explain it himself...

<a href="http://www.teamfortress.com/post.php?id=8045">Read the full blog post</a>

A lot of you have been asking how all those nifty weapons get made for TF2. Well, you’re in luck. TF2 workshop contributor [url=http://steamcommunity.com/id/jalcober
]Jalcober[/url]

volunteered to talk you through exactly how he does it in his own words, tracking the progress of a pretty sweet Pyro gun he made called the Scorch Shot. But why not let him explain it himself...

Read the full blog post

<a href="http://www.teamfortress.com/images/posts/one-of-a-kind-hats.jpg"><image src="http://www.teamfortress.com/images/posts/one-of-a-kind-hats_small.jpg" width="420" height="274" border="0"></a>

Despite my continued efforts to better you by yelling at you through a microphone to do better, it is often difficult -- and thus disheartening -- to figure out if any of you damp piles of mulch are actually improving.

I found the answer, in all places, in one of the insipid gun-themed women's magazines Miss Pauling leaves lying around, where I stumbled on an article about self-improvement. It was a revelation: Instead of screaming at you to improve, I could scream at you while you <i>improved yourselves</i>.

I immediately telephoned Mann Co. and demanded to speak to Mister Reddy. Then that lummox Saxton Hale intercepted the call. I tried to explain my idea as patiently as possible, telling him about self-improvement. ("If they're like me, Helen, they're already perfect. And if you take something perfect and make it more than perfect, you get, hell, probably a wormhole or something. Damned scientists. No, I don't like it.") I explained the possibility of mercenaries tracking their own statistics. ("If they're like me, they win 100% of their battles in the best way possible. If they need to remember that, they can write it on their hands like I do.") Several minutes of this and many clumsy pick-up lines later (something about steak dinners), I lost my patience entirely and told him to put his assistant Reddy on the damn phone, and between us we hashed out a plan.

Interested in self-improvement, mercenaries? Of course you are. Read on.

<strong>The Per Diem Perk</strong>

Mister Reddy has prepared <b>three absolutely unique one-of-a-kind hats</b> that will rotate through the mercenary community every day. Who will get them? The three mercs who <b>give the most gifts, win the most duels,</b> and <b>purchase the most map stamps</b> on a given day. Presumably wearing these one-of-a-kind hats will make the winners feel like they've achieved something. Or not, I could give a damn. So long as they make you all better killing machines.

<strong>Strange Parts</strong>

Only found in crates, Strange Parts will help you study specific aspects of (what I charitably call) your performance in battle by letting you customize your favorite Strange weapon. Now you're free to track the number of enemies you gib, projectiles you reflect, heads you've shot, and more. It is Mister Reddy's hope that you will be able to track your performance and celebrate improvements while isolating weaknesses. It is my hope that when you're confronted with the abysmally small numbers you wastes of space are doubtlessly achieving, you'll stop goldbricking around and do something.

Also, Mister Reddy asked me to remind you that Strange Parts are still a work in progress. So if the mood takes you, visit the TF2 forum and let him know what you're interested in tracking. I’m sure he'll do his utmost to accommodate you. Moreso than I would if you came to me with your problems, at any rate, unless your problem is that you love shallow graves and hate breathing.

There. Enough motivation. Now. IMPROVE or I'll DESTROY YOU.

http://www.teamfortress.com/images/posts/one-of-a-kind-hats.jpg

Despite my continued efforts to better you by yelling at you through a microphone to do better, it is often difficult -- and thus disheartening -- to figure out if any of you damp piles of mulch are actually improving.

I found the answer, in all places, in one of the insipid gun-themed women's magazines Miss Pauling leaves lying around, where I stumbled on an article about self-improvement. It was a revelation: Instead of screaming at you to improve, I could scream at you while you improved yourselves.

I immediately telephoned Mann Co. and demanded to speak to Mister Reddy. Then that lummox Saxton Hale intercepted the call. I tried to explain my idea as patiently as possible, telling him about self-improvement. ("If they're like me, Helen, they're already perfect. And if you take something perfect and make it more than perfect, you get, hell, probably a wormhole or something. Damned scientists. No, I don't like it.") I explained the possibility of mercenaries tracking their own statistics. ("If they're like me, they win 100% of their battles in the best way possible. If they need to remember that, they can write it on their hands like I do.") Several minutes of this and many clumsy pick-up lines later (something about steak dinners), I lost my patience entirely and told him to put his assistant Reddy on the damn phone, and between us we hashed out a plan.

Interested in self-improvement, mercenaries? Of course you are. Read on.

The Per Diem Perk

Mister Reddy has prepared three absolutely unique one-of-a-kind hats that will rotate through the mercenary community every day. Who will get them? The three mercs who give the most gifts, win the most duels, and purchase the most map stamps on a given day. Presumably wearing these one-of-a-kind hats will make the winners feel like they've achieved something. Or not, I could give a damn. So long as they make you all better killing machines.

Strange Parts

Only found in crates, Strange Parts will help you study specific aspects of (what I charitably call) your performance in battle by letting you customize your favorite Strange weapon. Now you're free to track the number of enemies you gib, projectiles you reflect, heads you've shot, and more. It is Mister Reddy's hope that you will be able to track your performance and celebrate improvements while isolating weaknesses. It is my hope that when you're confronted with the abysmally small numbers you wastes of space are doubtlessly achieving, you'll stop goldbricking around and do something.

Also, Mister Reddy asked me to remind you that Strange Parts are still a work in progress. So if the mood takes you, visit the TF2 forum and let him know what you're interested in tracking. I’m sure he'll do his utmost to accommodate you. Moreso than I would if you came to me with your problems, at any rate, unless your problem is that you love shallow graves and hate breathing.

There. Enough motivation. Now. IMPROVE or I'll DESTROY YOU.