I, like many of you, have dreamed of creating the next great cinematic masterpiece since I first laid eyes on Kindergarten Cop. Unfortunately, I just never had the tools, so my gift to the world remained wrapped and hidden away. And then I got horribly distracted by Meet The Heavy meme videos created in Source Filmmaker, and that’s a hole I don’t see me digging myself out of any time soon. So my magnum opus has probably been shot by a regular magnum. There is a small spot of good news here, though: Source Filmmaker’s now available to everyone and, more importantly, Valve’s updated it with Meet The Engineer. So hooray, more memes that make me giggle uncontrollably for some reason.

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When the gentlemen of RPS asked me Wot I Thought about Valve’s now-free team-based FPS, Team Fortress 2, I was busy playing the game, and completely failed to notice their entreaties. They tried shouting and waving over my swearing at a pyro, but my ‘enjoyment exhalations’ – which sound a lot swearing practice and slamming a mouse on a desk – drowned them out. In the end, they had to go into the game and buy me a special ring, a novel item that sends a message through the game, and got my attention.

Finally, with my attention momentarily torn from the game, I agreed it was a fine idea: “Sure, now get out of my way: I can’t see the cart… oh for FU-” *mouseslam* But right now I’m struggling to come up with the words to describe my experience: it’s has been part of my life for years, and writing about it is getting in the way of playing it. > (more…)

This is the most splendid of news. If you don’t know Hero Academy, it’s a turn-based, two-player tactical game from the chaps behind Orcs Must Die and if you are now wondering why> you haven’t heard of it, it’s because it’s an iOS game. Except on August 8th it’ll also be a PC game, as it’s coming to Steam and allowing cross-platform play. Opponents are played asynchronously, so you take your turn, inform your opponent and wait for a response. This means you can play loads of games at the same time and with its chessy appeal, you’ll probably want to. I shall welcome it to my PC with a smile and, oh look, Valve have provided an exclusive team. Trailer below.

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STOP: If you haven’t watched Meet The Pyro yet, watch it, for goodness sake.

This morning I found myself grumbling in RPS chat about how news sites were casually spoiling the twist in the Meet The Pyro video, by posting pictures of it. Now I am going to do exactly> the same thing, because you really should take a look at the Pyrovision goggles in action. Anyone who logs into the game between now and next week gets a set of goggles that mods the game world to look a bit like the Pyro’s view of things, including shooting rainbows, balloon-gib deaths, and floating pink plushie unicorn. There are some videos of it in action, below. (more…)

Everyone, I have some regrettable news: I woke up this morning with the sudden realization that – in my heart of hearts – my truest wish has always been to lead a life of megalomaniacal supervillainy. So, incredibly long and spellbindingly interesting story short, I’ve wired the entire world to explode. Unless!> You can tell me – without glancing about one nanometer below this sentence – what’s come of the Team Fortress team-up between Adult Swim and Valve. Mwahahaha, I can smell your fea– yeah, it’s a hat. Well, damn. I guess I’ll just go back to writing about videogames, then.

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It’s been a long time coming, but finally…

UPDATE: Valve announce they are releasing Source Filmmaker. “The goal of the SFM was to develop a story telling tool that allowed us to create computer animated movies more efficiently, and with greater creative freedom,” said Bay Raitt, designer at Valve. “Over the past five years, we’ve produced more than 50 animated shorts with the SFM. The Source Filmmaker will allow our community to create their own movies in Team Fortress 2 and in their own Source SDK-created mods.” (more…)

I remember when games used to be obstinate, unyielding creatures. They’d prance through the room, coated in all manner of dust and bugs and glitches, and they just didn’t care>. Now, though, they heed developers’ every beck and call post-launch. The things can practically grow extra arms on command. Case in point: SWTOR’s latest patch, which brings it up to not-quite-light-speed with modern MMOs and, of course, Team Fortress 2′s recent case of Pyromania. So then, let’s have a gander at what’s on the menu.

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Edit: Errrrr, also a massive update for TF2. Details below.

So, that Valve/Adult Swim collaboration. As many speculated, it will be the Meet the Pyro video and, yes, ‘will be’>. It was foolish of us to think that the video would just appear without any foreplay, so instead there’s the image above, which tells us that something else will happen on June 27th. I’m guessing that actually will be the video, unless they choose to release one frame every couple of days, some hidden at secret locations around the world, the precise position hidden in Morse code messages transmitted on secret websites that can only be found by reading tea leaves through a specific kaleidoscope constructed in 1924.

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Ready for something to come out of nowhere and hit you right in the nose? OK, here it comes. Get ready, brace yourself, and… it still hit you. Because that’s how things that defy the law of conservation of energy to suddenly materialize on our plane of existence work. I believe a more succinct term for it is “surprise.” Anyway! Turns out, it’s an announcement – as things we report on often are. Something Valve-related is making its way to famed purveyor of cartoons with curse words>, Adult Swim. But what could it be? WHAT?

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Remember when Valve said it was looking to hire all sorts of people from every walk of life – from lowly programmers to the giant-bow-tie-wearingest of fungineers? Well, one bit in there stood out: “And if you’re a first-class economist,” Michael Abrash wrote, ”please> check us out. You’ll have a sandbox with 40 million users, and I promise you’ll never be bored.” Well, apologies to RPS’ substantial> audience of budding TF2 hat economists. That position, you see, has officially been filled.

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