Weeeee-ooooooo, weeeee-oooooo, weeeeee-ooooooo! It’s the news alarm! Prison Architect’s latest update has escaped the seemingly impenetrable holding cell of Introversion HQ and come running to us for somewhere to stash the goods. Ha! Little bastard’s going straight back to the hole once he’s told us everything he knows. Like about the new tunneling system that’s forcing prison redesigns the world over or customisable punishment regimes that finally let you create the fascist nightmare of your dreams. You can take a glance at everything we got out of that scum bucket before we sent him off here or video evidence once you’ve been searched.

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*Gavel thumps* “Silence! Bring the prisoner forward. Craig ‘Thomas’ Pearson, you have been found guilty> of being a rubbish Prison Architect. A most serious offense that resulted in a record number of convicted felons escape your shoddily designed hole. As punishment, you are to spend the morning looking at the Steam Workshop, finding lovely prisons that you can compare your weedy efforts to. Then we’ll shoot you or drown you or something. Be off with you, and may Gabe have mercy on your soul.” (more…)

“Oh boy! I can finally get into prison early!” Oh videogames, don’t ever stop allowing me to create phrases of such ear-perking outlandishness that people could mistake me as ringleader of a merry band of elves. Other gems now possible thanks to Steam’s paid-alpha-centric Early Access program include “Hooray! Frighteningly authentic war’s happening even sooner than I thought” and “I wasn’t planning on being shipwrecked with no hope of escape today, but I certainly can’t complain.” But Prison Architect, Arma 3, and Under The Ocean are only three of the 12 inaugural games on offer. The rest – and perhaps even some freshly baked wordthinks – are after the break.

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