We feel like we've talked enough about Portal 2 the last few months. Luckily, now that it's been released, other people have started talking about it, including the people who pick Time Magazine's Person of the Year, Time Magazine, which gave Portal 2 "our first perfect 10."
It's also being called "one of the best games of this generation" by 1up.com, "one of the best games ever made" by Destructoid, and "as good as entertainment gets" by the Boston Herald. Still not convinced? What if we said all that stuff again, but with a pumping soundtrack?
The following personality test was developed by Aperture scientists in the late seventies as a way to determine test subject compatibility for cooperative testing initiatives. The test was categorized UNSAFE by Aperture Laboratories in 1977, after every test subject who took the test became immediately insane from having so many unassailable truths and gut-wrenching personal secrets about themselves revealed at once. The test was placed in a locked strong box and secured in an abandoned sub-basement. This sub-basement was then filled with cement, and the doorway bricked over.
Upon rediscovery of the document last month, Aperture scientists felt the results were "inconclusive." A further round of testing has been requested. And you can help!
Well, the end is definitely near. Thanks to the efforts of a dedicated group of ingenious test subjects, we've located enough potatoes to generate the required power to start the GLaDOS reboot process. It's not too late to participate, though. The more CPU power dedicated to the process, the faster it will finish. What does that mean? From now until release, play any or all of the Potato Sack games to expedite the launch of Portal 2. Your efforts will be tracked on the official GLaDOS@home page.
The Potato Sack games are all great, and each one has also received a massive Portal-themed update. So why not get a taste of Portal 2 now while you help launch it?
There's also still time to collect all 36 potatoes. Anyone accomplishing this feat by the time Portal 2 launches will receive a very special, non-hat-based reward.
We're closing in on an exciting time here at the Portal blog. At 7AM PST, April 19th, we will officially stop being the people chummily reminding you to pre-order Portal 2, transforming phoenix-like before your eyes into the people cheerfully suggesting you regular-order Portal 2. Here's hoping the transformation is instantaneous and doesn't involve gestation or fluids.
At any rate, with the big release almost upon us, we thought it'd be fitting to take a look back at all the amazing community content that's cropped up around the original Portal in the last three years. (Just a few weeks ago, for example, a Danish group named Basix released an a capella version of Still Alive.)
Our Facebook page is filled with images, and YouTube's bursting with all of your inventive covers and videos. Heck, we're not even sure we've seen them all. Post your favorites on our Facebook page so we can all check them out.
The calendar experts at Valve were pretty "steamed" at us this morning, even after we broke out that great pun you just read. According to them, Portal 2 is actually getting unlocked on Steam at 7AM PST, not EST. According to us, they told us 7AM EST and are now backtracking to cover their butts. Either way, there's a chance the game might be delayed by three hours while we work this out.
Over the last few weeks, we've gotten quite a few enticing reasons to pre-invest in Aperture Laboratories: from the planks of tomorrow, to test-optimized bots, to the last word in pre-emptive defense, the Home Safety Turret. Today marks Aperture's fourth and final Investment Opportunity video, and if it doesn't get you reaching for your special investment wallet, you wouldn't know a can't-miss opportunity if it was staring you in the face, yelling at you about boots.
Now, as CEO and founder of Aperture Cave Johnson explains, there've been a few hiccups getting the years-in-production Long Fall Boot out of R&D and onto the assembly line. But now that we're seeing these boots in action, we're convinced that's it's among one of Aperture's safer products.
Aperture's documentary video game, Portal 2, will be available for purchase on Steam 7:00AM EST, April 19th, but savvy consumers might want to invest in game futures by pre-ordering Portal 2 now.
Like words? Ore are you more a fan of pictures? Don't worry, there's something for everyone to enjoy in the conclusion of Valve's new comic, Portal 2: Lab Rat, which is now available for your reading and/or picture-looking pleasure.
Also of note for time-keeping enthusiasts: the calendar experts here at Valve have crunched some numbers, and have conclusively decided on 7AM EST, April 19th, 2011, as the exact moment that Portal 2 will be available on Steam. That means you've got a finite and rapidly shrinking window for being able to tell your friends, "Oh, is Portal 2 out now? I wouldn't know. Because I pre-ordered it." Look us in the eye and tell us this isn't something you'd like to be able to tell your friends. You still can.
Part 1 of Valve's new comic, Portal 2: Lab Rat, is now available! It bridges the gap between the events of Portal and Portal 2! What are you waiting for? CLICK HERE!
Wait, hold on: There's also an interview about the making of the comic that you can visit after you read the comic, which you should be doing right now instead of reading the rest of this sentence which is only leading to another link to the comic.
This week's reason to pre-invest in Aperture Laboratories: CEO and founder Cave Johnson's announcement that the applied sciences company is making its military-grade turret line available to consumers. The first, last and most scientific word in personal defense, the Home Safety Turret should be a hot seller when Aperture goes public April 19th.
Aperture was kind enough to send us a prototype Home Safety Turret in an effort to "sweeten the pot" (Cave's words) for any potential investors here at Valve. We're still leafing through its 33,000-page instruction manual, most of which seems to be "hold harmless" clauses releasing Aperture from any responsibility in the use, unpackaging, cleaning, reloading, holding or entering the proximity of its product.
We'll be sure to give you an update the second we get it up and running. In the meantime, why not pre-invest today?
Another week, another unassailable argument why scrappy applied sciences company Aperture Laboratories is the place to put your investment dollars this April 19th, 2011. In this week's informational video, CEO and founder Cave Johnson explains why robots'll get you the biggest bang for your testing dollar.
We here at Valve are pretty excited about the implications of non-human test subjects. We do a lot of playtesting, so this should give us a better idea of how to market and sell directly to robots. Let's face it: robots don't need houses. They don't eat food. Heck, they don't even pay taxes -- they're not people! That's a lot of disposable game-buying income just sitting there in giant metallic wallets. Wallets that themselves transform. Into even more money.
Speaking of money, invest yours today in Aperture Science. Why? Watch and find out.