Kotaku
The Lazy Security Patrolling Apple's Shopping MallThis past weekend, readers alerted us to an absolutely contemptible ripoff on the iTunes App Store. Someone had submitted a straight-up copy of the Canabalt flash game, called it Canabalt HD—which doesn't exist on the iOS. Once again, some unscrupulous dick managed to slide Adam Saltsman's game past Apple's mall security. The fact it happened on Memorial Day weekend in the States, when a takedown might take longer to enact, stunk of a deliberate scam.


The bogus app was later removed, but probably only because readers like you and sites like ours spotted the outrage and gave it enough publicity that some pencil-pusher in Cupertino finally noticed. We—meaning readers, gamers and the speciality press—seem to be the only ones who give enough of a damn to police this stuff. Apple sure as hell doesn't. Why would it? That doesn't make them any money.


Apple seems to care only that there isn't porn in an app. That, we are clear on. Because I have to wonder how someone whose job is to evaluate the content of a video game wouldn't know that someone other than Valve Corporation submitting a game titled Counter Strike—which turned out to be nothing like the game depicted in its screenshots—is a thief. It's an extremely ironic commentary on Mac gaming's obliviousness and naiveté that Apple would be so unaware of a bedrock PC title.


But that may not even factor into it. My only guess is that their bureaucracy goes into the game, looks for boobs, sees none and rubber stamps it. Only it's not just boobs that'll get you quarantined at iTunes' absurd Ellis Island, which seems designed to deliver us as much wretched refuse as possible.


The game Childhood's End, an actual game made by an actual developer who wasn't actually stealing someone else's work, was held up not because of porn. It wasn't held up because it actually had a depiction of Pedobear in it. It's because its bear character reminded someone of Pedobear. Apple panicked and forced the developer to re-illustrate the bear character. How the game could have served as a potential "recruiting tool for pedophiles," a patently ridiculous fear, was unexplained.


That's what Apple is interested in: soothing the fears of hypersensitive idiots. Not the fact it is a pass-through for actual dishonest behavior.


Why should you care, beyond the fact that Apple's stupid implementations of short-sighted, opaque policies deeply insults the customer's intelligence? Because while the volume of apps and games, good and bad, derivative, infringing, stolen or original, all make Apple a hell of a lot of money in the 30 percent they get from each sale, it creates a perilous environment for both consumer and honest developer.


Neither are given any protection from dishonest sellers using Apple's infrastructure. And I don't buy logic that suggests Apple's wonderful democratizing of application publishing somehow makes this kind of exploitive dishonesty acceptable.


Hey folks, Something Negative is a rant. Love it or hate it, we all need to blow off steam on Fridays. Let yours out in the comments.


Sonic The Hedgehog
Backhanded Box Quotes: 'A Bad Gears of Ghostduty'Welcome to "Backhanded Box Quotes," a collection of super pissed-off user reviews from people just like you! Whoa, whoa, don't take that personal.

Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon: Future Soldier

Released: May 22


Critic: Error_317002 (Metacritic)
"Feels more like Gears of Duty: Future Ops."
Score: 4.


Critic: tigger (Metacritic)
"I can best describe it as a bad Gears of Ghostduty."
Score: 4.


Critic: pilotin909 (Amazon)
"Seems like they tried to jump on the Call of Duty Black Ops bandwagon. I HATE Call of Duty."
Score: 1 star



Dragon's Dogma

Released: May 22


Critic: The Gentleman (Metacritic)
"This is a terrible game wrapped up in the ideas for a good game."
"The AI tag alongs are about as helpful as taking the pill in the third trimester of pregnancy!"
Score: 3.


Critic: nicknamesbestupid (Amazon)
"I was just about to open my copy of Dragon's Dogma, which I had pre-ordered some weeks back, when I saw news that Capcom admits that this game has on-disc DLC. I knew I was taking a gamble when pre-ordering this game, since this IS Capcom we're talking about. But since this was an RPG and not a fighting game I thought it was worth the risk. Well, guess I was wrong.


Sorry, Capcom. I, as a responsible consumer, refuse to support such unethical business practices. I shall be returning my copy to Amazon ASAP."
Score: 1 star.



Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode II

Released: May 16


Critic: NextGenFilter (Metacritic).
"The game [feels] like a bad Mario romhack"
Score: 1.


Backhanded Box Quotes will be an occasional feature of Kotaku's Anger Management hour, unless it isn't.
Jun 1, 2012
Kotaku
The Week in Evil DLCDownloadable content. Everyone hates it—but everyone buys it. We haven't had a look in a long while at the extensions and pre-order bonuses designed to crowbar money from you or direct you to spend it at a retailer you wouldn't otherwise. Can you still respect yourself if you go along with it?



MLB 12 The Show: Online Home Run Derby

Available: No date specified. My guess is as the All-Star Game approaches, either mid- or late-June
Price: Nominally free.
What You Get: You get the Online Home Run Derby, a feature promised in this year's edition but mysteriously missing at launch with no explanation. Well, now it's being added back in, but wait until you hear how you'll get it.
Why It's Evil: Because you have to download a stupid Taco Bell mobile app and play it against a friend on Facebook to unlock to mode in the game you bought. Even when Madden NFL 11 did that dumb 3D promotion with Doritos and ESPN the Magazine it wasn't this dumb, because all you did was buy chips and a magazine. Here, I assure you that app will be sending push notifications and the Facebook integration will be pulling your personal information to sell you and your friends crap no one wants. I suppose you can deactivate and delete everything once you play the obligatory game but it's a lot of hoops to jump through. Also, this app is for iOS and Android, which captures the two largest smartphone segments. But, what if I don't have an iOS or Android device?
Evil Score: 5/5. Not so much for holding out the content, because I really don't care for this gimmick mode, and I doubt many others do, too. It's the app and the forced visit to Facebook to inflate Taco Bell's numbers that pisses me off. Social media is best used when it builds your community; using the community to build your social media doesn't deserve much respect.



Transformers: Fall of Cybertron—Optimus Prime

Available: When the game releases.
Price: Pre-order bonus.
What You Get: The original, modular, you know cool Optimus Prime you remember from the 1980s toys, if you're that old, plus Megatron's gun and the Shockwave Blast Cannon, as weapons. All of these may be used in the game.
Why It's Evil: Because they're sending you to GameStop for it. Also, because the alternate pre-order bonus is "Disco Bruticus" as Fahey calls him, a wretched generation two version of the Combaticons assembled.
Evil Score: 2/5. Pretty much steers the Transformers diehards to GameStop on day one, while everyone else must wait on what is effectively a timed exclusive reveal of content developed for the game.



NBA 2K13: All-Star Weekend

Available: When the game ships Oct. 2
Price: Pre-order bonus.
What You Get: The current year NBA All-Star game arena and uniforms, and three events from that weekend—the Dunk Contest, Three-Point Shootout, and the rookies game.
Why It's Evil: This walks the line. In the current game, you only get the previous year's All-Star arena and uniforms. Clarification: Until after the actual All-Star game is played and the venue and proper uniforms are patched in. So while it appears like they're holding something out, they're actually improving the presentation. The inclusion of the licensed Shootout and Slam-Dunk contest, which had analogues in the Blacktop mode, gives purpose to those minigames. They had been the exclusive domain of EA Sports' NBA series, which has been off shelves for two years. It could release for free to everyone when the NBA All-Star Game draws near. But the way this is being handled means these features likely can't be available in the game's Online Association mode, because you can't assure everyone in the online league has the DLC.
Evil Score: 2/5. Not happy that 2K Sports is continuing to explore off-the-disc content despite an admirable record of giving all of it to everyone at the same time, on the disc. But this is a general pre-order bonus, it doesn't require you to go to a specific retailer. That's a respectful way to handle this while still driving NBA 2K13's goal of eye-popping day-of-release numbers. If this removes the Blacktop games, meaning it's preorder or nothing to play those, then that's pretty bad.



Lego Batman 2: Heroes and Villains packs

Available: When the game releases June 19 in North America, June 22 in Europe.
Price: "Free" but you have to lay down something to secure the preorder.
What You Get: A bunch of minifigs for play in the game which, despite the title, has an ensemble cast of heroes and villains. One pack of figs offers Blizzard, Captain Cold, Black Adam, Black Manta and Gorilla Grodd. Another gives you Nightwing, Damian Wayne, Katana, Zatanna, Shazam(a?). Amazon has the heroes; the villains are not confirmed stateside.
Why It's Evil: It's the usual cynical inducement to drive day-one sales to make a game look good. I'd also like to choose where I do business and not miss out on content in the game. Also, what if I want both Black Adam and Shazam?
Evil Score: 2/5. Readers have speculated that these characters will be unlockable in the game and that the preorder is just lets you get to them instantly which, if so, doesn't really twirl the evil mustache. Of course, we don't know that for sure.



Kotaku

Batman Can't Be Decapitated in Injustice, Because There Are LimitsYou wouldn't know it from reading many popular DC Comics, but there are limits to how violent the adventures of Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman can be. At least in video games, and probably movies too.


That puts Ed Boon and his team of Mortal Kombat makers in the kind of conundrum classic to video games. These are creative people known for having characters who rip the spine from other characters. And the last time they made a fighting game with Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman, they didn't go that far. Some people thought that was weird.


They're making a new fighting game with DC heroes now. So how far will they go?


"DC understandably will never let us cut Batman's head off," Boon recently told me. "They're never going to let us stab Wonder Woman in the face... In this format they're never going to do something like that."


In Injustice you can smash Batman with a car and you can kick Wonder Woman—or any other character—on an upward, slightly diagonal trajectory, through the floors of a skyscraper.


There's no spine-ripping in this game, it seems.


"Violence is replaced with crazy, over-the-top action," Boon said. "We're making big, action-movie, over-the-top, kind of Transformers, Dark Knight, Spider-Man-type [action]. All the events you see in those kinds of movies is what we're trying to capture in this thing."


Batman Can't Be Decapitated in Injustice, Because There Are Limits


The father of Mortal Kombat understands that people were thrown by 2008's Mortal Kombat vs. DC, a T-rated game from a bunch of fighting game developers who were known for making M-rated, blood-splashed spectacles.


Batman Can't Be Decapitated in Injustice, Because There Are Limits(Scene from DC Comics' Earth 2, published in May. You probably can't do that in the game, either!)

"I think there's an expectation when you see the words "Mortal Kombat Vs."—and you instantly put it in this category—that it's going to be bloody," Boon said of the 2008 game. "And you can't fault anybody. We've been doing that for 20 years. You'd be crazy to think we'd not be associated with that. And so I think that everybody's expectation was: it was going to have this level of violence." But like he said, DC just wouldn't ok that kind of thing, not in a video game.


The new game, Injustice, will be T-rated, just like MK vs. DC. This time, however, Boon says they'll push that rating. "It's going to be a pretty brutal experience," he said. "Our goal is to push that envelope of what we can do."


Kotaku

We got a look at Lara last night from publisher Square Enix's upcoming Tomb Raider, in which she gets quite the beating.


Now, thanks to Foxy Foxy, you can rewatch the special parts, broken down into looping seconds of her struggle for survival. It's just too bad they're so small.


Watch The New Tomb Raider Trailer Broken Down, While It Breaks Lara Down


Watch The New Tomb Raider Trailer Broken Down, While It Breaks Lara Down


Watch The New Tomb Raider Trailer Broken Down, While It Breaks Lara Down


Watch The New Tomb Raider Trailer Broken Down, While It Breaks Lara Down



Tomb Raider "Crossroads" trailer [Foxy Foxy]


The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

I Climbed The Real-Life Version Of Skyrim's 7,000 StepsOkay, so it was closer to 1,000 steps. Still, lots of steps.


This is St. John's Fortress, located in Kotor, Montenegro. It's basically a greener version of the Throat of the World, an exhaustingly enormous landmark from Bethesda's popular role-playing game The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. See the resemblance?


(I reached out to Bethesda this morning to ask if there were any real-life inspirations for Skyrim's 7,000 steps, but haven't heard back yet.)


I passed through the Eastern European city while on vacation last week and climbed St. John's Fortress. I took pictures along the way. Here they are:



I Climbed The Real-Life Version Of Skyrim's 7,000 Steps I Climbed The Real-Life Version Of Skyrim's 7,000 Steps I Climbed The Real-Life Version Of Skyrim's 7,000 Steps I Climbed The Real-Life Version Of Skyrim's 7,000 Steps I Climbed The Real-Life Version Of Skyrim's 7,000 Steps I Climbed The Real-Life Version Of Skyrim's 7,000 Steps I Climbed The Real-Life Version Of Skyrim's 7,000 Steps I Climbed The Real-Life Version Of Skyrim's 7,000 Steps I Climbed The Real-Life Version Of Skyrim's 7,000 Steps I Climbed The Real-Life Version Of Skyrim's 7,000 Steps

(Note: last photo might be from actual Skyrim. Bet you couldn't even tell!)


EverQuest II

SOE's E3 Line-Up Includes That Interesting Piece of EverQuest II TechnologyPublishers are rolling out their E3 line-ups just as the big convention rears its massive head. We've even had some somewhat-surprising, but really-not-that-surprising reveals come of these announcements, too.


Today SOE announced their stock of games to be shown on the showfloor, including the expected suspects like PlanetSide 2, updates to released titles, and several new MMOs. But what's most enticing, to me at least, is the new EverQuest II tech—SOEmote—that has facial and voice recognition built in.


See below for the full line-up.


PlanetSide 2
First hands-on play with PlanetSide 2, the highly-anticipated MMOFPS. PlanetSide 2 takes all the groundbreaking features from the original game — massive multiplayer battles, distinct empires to rally around, and enormous continents where intense ground and air combat unfolds — and adds features that modern gamers have come to expect of the FPS and MMO genres. To dial up the E3 experience to epic levels, PlanetSide 2 has enlisted video game personality TotalBiscuit to live cast directly from the SOE booth at 3 p.m. PT on Tuesday, June 5, and Wednesday, June 6, as well as at 11 a.m. PT on Thursday, June 7. Featured live on TwitchTV — http://www.twitch.tv/totalbiscuit — TotalBiscuit will take PlanetSide 2's massive combat beyond the E3 show floor. To stay up to date with PlanetSide 2 news at E3 and for the chance to win SOE products, tune in to PlanetSide 2 news on Twitter at @PlanetSide2 and on Facebook at www.facebook.com/PlanetSide2. Those attending can also drop by the booth to receive a special PlanetSide 2 item and beta key. To sign up for beta, players can visit http://bit.ly/L6RpWO.


DC Universe Online
Hands-on demo with The Last Laugh (DLC 4), featuring an all-new weapon, hours of multiplayer gameplay in the Safe Houses and Headquarters, and new Legends PvP characters. For real-time updates from E3, follow DCUO on Twitter at @DCUO and on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/DCUniverseOnline.


EverQuest II
Hands-on demo of the game and an introduction to SOEmote, a new innovative facial recognition and voice technology feature that allows players unprecedented ability for personal expression and role playing in EverQuest II. Featuring revolutionary facial recognition software created by Image Metrics, and integrating Vivox's voice font technology, SOEmote was designed to truly bring the roleplay back to roleplaying games. For real-time updates from E3, follow EverQuest II on Twitter at @EverQuestII and on Facebook at www.facebook.com/EverQuest2.


Bullet Run
Hands-on demo with the killer new free-to-play first-person shooter (FPS). Developed by ACONY Games and available later this summer for the PC, Bullet Run is a team-based multiplayer game that puts players in the ultimate reality TV game show, where contestants showcase their deadly talents in the name of fame. For real-time updates from E3, follow Bullet Run on Twitter at @BulletRunGame and on Facebook at www.facebook.com/BulletRunTheGame. To sign up for beta, players can visit http://bit.ly/L1auE9.


Free Realms
Gameplay demo of the all-new Sunstone Valley, the long awaited regional content expansion for Free Realms. Opening later this summer, players will have an entirely new desert landscape to explore, desert monsters to battle and a whole slew of exciting new quests and rewards. For real-time updates from E3, follow Free Realms on Twitter at @FreeRealms and on Facebook at www.facebook.com/FreeRealms.


Star Wars: Clone Wars Adventures
Gameplay demo of the new Clone Wars Adventures Card Assault Trading Card Game. Clone Wars Adventures is a free-to-play, action-packed, direct to content online world where you can live out the thrills and excitement of the "Star Wars®: The Clone Wars™" animated TV series. For real-time updates from E3, follow Clone Wars Adventures on Facebook at www.facebook.com/clonewarsadventures.


Vanguard: Saga of Heroes
Hands-on demo with Vanguard: Saga of Heroes, which is the final SOE title to transition to free-to-play. Vanguard is a fantasy massively multiplayer online role-playing game (MMORPG) set in the vast world of Telon, an ancient world of magic, intrigue and adventure.


Wizardry Online
Hands-on demo with the new free-to-play MMO based on the classic Wizardry computer games. Produced by Gamepot, this latest game features countless traps and fiendish monsters that will hinder players' adventures as they cross the most difficult dungeons ever seen. Wizardry Online retains the characteristic elements of the original Wizardry and merges them with modern MMORPG functions.


Kotaku

Who Needs E3 When They've Got a Week's Worth of Amazing Gaming AppsBig name console title announcements and new hardware debuts are nice and all, but those are fleeting and unpredictable. Kotaku's Gaming Apps of the Day, on the other hand, are timeless.


Oh yeah, there'll be no gaming apps next week due to E3 2012.


Oh don't be upset, I'm sure we'll see plenty of exciting new mobile titles at the show, and in a way those will be our Gaming Apps of the Day, so it's not like you won't get your fix. In the meantime we've got five stellar titles you can play while you wait for that to potentially go down.


If you have a suggestion for an app for the iPhone, iPad, Android or Windows Phone 7 that you'd like to see highlighted, let us know.


Who Needs E3 When They've Got a Week's Worth of Amazing Gaming Apps


Finally, a Decent Real-Time Strategy Game on the iPad

RTS games have been tried on the iPad before, but have usually resulted in stilted affairs, or simple attempts at cloning a PC control system. Autumn Dynasty, on the other hand, gets things right.
I picked up the game on Friday when it went on sale, and it's the best $5 I've spent to date for my... More »



Who Needs E3 When They've Got a Week's Worth of Amazing Gaming Apps


Witch Wars is the Ultimate Competitive Mobile Match Three Game, But at What Cost?

Combining the addictive nature of match-three puzzlers with role-playing, spell-casting, and fierce online competition, Witch Wars is a game with powerful mojo, but there's always a price to pay for dark magics. More »



Who Needs E3 When They've Got a Week's Worth of Amazing Gaming Apps


Cubes Is the Latest Game I Want to Hate But Can't Stop Playing

Simple can be fun. Simple can be addictive Simple can also be frustrating. Cubes-developed by George Buckenham-manages to be all three in beautifully annoying fashion.
The only thing you need to do with this indie game is tilt the device to avoid the never-ending onslaught of the... More »



Who Needs E3 When They've Got a Week's Worth of Amazing Gaming Apps


Glide Through The Beautiful, Thundering Skies Of A Firefly's Adventure

I love thunderstorms. They're oddly relaxing. I love fireflies, too, and anyone who also grew up in a backyard full of them might understand why.
I also love games that are beautiful, and Light the Night is one such game. More »



Who Needs E3 When They've Got a Week's Worth of Amazing Gaming Apps


Rambling, Shambling Zombie Carnaval Brings Horde Mode to the Endless Runner Genre

Zombie Carnaval seems to be a straightforward endless-runner. It's got a zany soundtrack, outlandish transformations, and a peppy musical accompaniment, making it plainly inspired by the success formula of Jetpack Joyride. More »



Kotaku

Konami will include a demo of the wonderfully titled Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance with Zone of the Enders HD this fall, it said today. The demo will show off several of the upcoming action game's new combat mechanics.


Kotaku

Baird and Cole Train Will Be Back In Gears of War: JudgmentGame Informer Magazine has revealed that the new Gears of War game teased earlier this week will be called Gears of War: Judgment, and will feature franchise characters Baird and Cole, possibly in more central roles.


From Game Informer:


The new installment in Epic's million-dollar franchise is Gears of War: Judgment. The July cover of Game Informer shows series mainstay Damon Baird shackled as the Locust hordes rage around him. Augustus "Cole Train" Cole, soldier and world-famous Thrashball player, dons our second cover image in the same precarious situation.


As Stephen points out, Gears of War: Judgment makes for a pretty excellent acronym: "GOWJ," which can be read like a more badass way of spelling "Gouge."


Here's the second cover, featuring Cole Train:



Baird and Cole Train Will Be Back In Gears of War: Judgment



July Cover Revealed: Gears Of War Judgment [Game Informer]


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