Sorry, Demomen. You fought the good fight and kept it far closer than anybody could have predicted. But in the end, at the noon Thursday deadline, the Soldiers kept their razor-thin lead, with 6,406,065 killed Demomen to the Demo's score of 6,372,979 killed Sollys.
What a week it's been. We're really big fans of both the police and the fire department, so it's been a real treat for us, as they've been here pretty much non-stop since last Thursday. There were the arguments between Demo and Soldier-supporting staffers; that unexplained knifing in the elevator; Drew Wolf; and a host of other calamities that resulted from the creation of this massive update. At one point we even saw a police officer and a fireman in a fist fight over who was more mad at us.
Victory on the Internet Day has been declared! The war is over! Who won? We don't know! Yet!
Luckily, I, Robin Walker, was up all night building a kill-calculating machine for just such an eventuality. We turned it on, the building filled with smoke, and right now a fireman is yelling at me to leave the building with everyone else. I'll leave when they pry this tiny netbook out of my cold dead hands. Or when an angry fireman fireman-carries me out of the office, which is what is happening <strong>right now</strong>. Anyway, once all the firemen calm down, we'll announce the War results with today's huge update. To pass the time, go get yourself a fresh mouse and start reloading this page as fast as you possibly can.
<strong>Please note:</strong> Beginning now, we're going to start transitioning the new inventory system into the game. Until the update goes live later today, you will not have access to your inventory.
It all comes down to this. I'd give you a motivational speech right now, but the time you wasted reading it would be less time you spent making a difference on the battlefield. Go ahead and break the bad news to your grandfather: <strong>YOU</strong> are officially now the greatest generation.
Adding in the points awarded to our recent Propaganda Contest winners—60,000 frags added to the Killed Demomen score and 25,000 added to the Killed Soldier score—the war currently stands neck-and-neck at 5,727,928 Killed Soldiers to 5,742,720 Killed Demos. We need to stress to you that we have not gamed these numbers in any way: After a solid week of gut-grinding combat and an astonishing 11,470,648 total kills, the Demomen and Soldiers are separated by a mere 14,792 points.
When we first hashed out the idea of a Soldier/Demo War, some of us were worried about the very real possibility of an embarrassing one-sided blowout. The fact that we're now just one day away from the war's end and it's still anybody's game is genuinely cool.
Back when we launched the Propaganda contest, we originally figured it'd be a cakewalk to judge. You might not know this, as it's a well-kept industry secret, but normally with giveaway tie-in contests for video games, you get about 10 entries. Seven of these are virulently racist. The other two are pornography. The last one, regardless of its quality, wins by default.
However, the recession must be a lot worse than we thought, because apparently all of you are unemployed and have nothing better to do than spend real hours drawing incredibly time-consuming art for virtual prizes. No joke: as of contest's end last night, we have <strong>in excess of 11,000 entries</strong>—and almost every one of them deserves to be framed on the wall of one of Gabe Newell's castles.
In fact, while we've managed to wade through your mountain of entries carefully enough to select a first, second and third place winner below, we're nowhere near through categorizing our many favorites, and we've got plenty more prizes to give away. So just because you don't see your entry below, don't assume you haven't won anything. (Still, with 11,000 entries, don't bet against it, either.)
<a href="http://www.teamfortress.com/soldierupdate/" class="standardLink">Soldiers</a> continue to hold the lead in the war—but like an M&M lodged up their collective noses, the <a href="http://www.teamfortress.com/demomanupdate/" class="standardLink">Demoman</a> refuses to melt away quietly. In other M&M-Stuck-Up-Drew-Wolf's-Nose metaphor news, the Soldier's lead remains thin as a candy coating. In fact, judging from our most recent numbers (4923531 Soldiers killed to 5056134 Demomen killed), the Demo actually seems to be closing the gap as the War hurtles to a close.
For all you conscientious objectors to the war, you can still make some postwar memories to tell your grandchildren, because Team Fortress 2 is having another free weekend starting Thursday night as soon as the update goes live (though you can start <a href="http://store.steampowered.com/app/440/" class="standardLink">preloading</a> now).
As for all you soldiers fighting the good fight in the trenches, only to find the Demo-controlled media back home painting you as incompetent monsters, this <a href="http://www.teamfortress.com/war/" class="standardLink">update's for you</a>.
If there is a tragedy in war (besides all the killing), it is that there must be a <i>loser</i>. Currently, we all know who that loser is.
Drew Wolf, who still has a red Peanut M&M lodged so deeply up his nose that hospital doctors were unable to extract it. "It will probably melt after a while," they told me. (I had to drive him to the hospital.) "Maybe put his head under a heat lamp for a bit."
The <a href="http://www.teamfortress.com/soldierupdate/" class="standardLink">Soldier</a>/<a href="http://www.teamfortress.com/demomanupdate/" class="standardLink">Demo</a> war has generated more email than any event in Team Fortress history. The number one question I'm being asked is "are you going to publish any new information over the weekend?" Absolutely we are. In fact, here's some news right now: As of THIS MOMENT, there is still an M&M lodged up TF artist Drew Wolf's nose. Drew's in the hospital, and the entire team's thoughts and prayers go out to that brave little peanut M&M. Well, have a great weekend everyone!
You'll be happy to know the <a href="http://www.teamfortress.com/demomanupdate/" class="standardLink">Demo</a>/<a href="http://www.teamfortress.com/soldierupdate/" class="standardLink">Soldier</a> War has even taken hold inside the Valve offices. Sides have been drawn. Normally cheerful co-workers point fingers and whisper angry things about other co-workers' mothers. It's dark, folks. The police have been called eight times today. Granted, times two, three and seven were was because TF2 team member Drew Wolfe kept getting an M&M stuck up his nose, but I think you take my point: this thing's starting to get <i>interesting</i>.
So what better move on our part than to add fuel to the fire? Check out our new <a href="http://www.teamfortress.com/propaganda" class="standardLink">Propaganda Contest</a>, which has prizes like a one-of-a-kind exclusive in-game item for use by you and you only, NAMED after you and you only, and bearing your name (and your name only) on it.
Those of you worried that you're missing prime exam-studying time right now, keep in mind you're now participating not only in the bloodiest war Team Fortress 2 has ever seen, <strong>but the bloodiest battle</strong>, ever, of all time. I don't want to oversell how big this is, but I am not exaggerating when I say that <strong>this war can be seen from space</strong>. If a prospective employer isn't impressed by reading <i>that</i> on your college transcript, watch out—you might be applying for a job as a five-year-old girl.