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May 18, 2012
The series "13 Ways to Die" just took up the subject of Sniper Elite v2 and, though we've seen exploding testicles and other grisly slow-motion demises already, they weren't presented in the form of a propaganda film from dubya-dubya-eye-eye, with a jaunty ragtime accompaniment. It's a cracking good morale booster for our boys over there. Pip pip.
Welcome to "Backhanded Box Quotes," a collection of super pissed-off user reviews from people just like you! Whoa, whoa, don't take that personal.
This week's review of measured disappointment and constructive criticism includes condemnation for a widely admired brand in independent games development, and sympathy for Hitler.
Minecraft Xbox 350
Released: May 9
• "The only way you would ever enjoy this is if you have never played Minecraft in your life."
Sniper Elite V2
Released: May 2
• "Since my last review was deleted due to childish sensitivities and melodramatic over-reactions from amateur reviewers who either can't score games properly using decimal points or believe this game A.I is the second coming, to those professional reviewers who disgracefully rewarded this game a 4 when awarding Ridge Racer Unbounded a 9!"
• "[T]his is a rental at best though you're welcome to believe the sheep and waste your hard earned!"
• "I loved shooting a Russian sniper 200ft away from me in the eye."
Released: May 2
Critic: S_Jake (Metacritic).
• "Six words: Like Castle Crashers minus the fun."
• "If you haven't played Castle Crashers, then download that instead of this steaming pile of mundanity." [Editor's note: That's actually a word.]
• "If you have, then go and play it again rather than waste you time with this."
Backhanded Box Quotes will be an occasional feature of Kotaku's Anger Management hour, unless it isn't.
May 10, 2012
When I posted a clip from Sniper Elite V2 the other day, I was focused on one thing: killing Germans. So I shot for the head, and I shot for the heart. Both were poor choices.
Turns out I should have instead aimed a little lower. It's funnier that way.
WARNING: Video contains exploding balls. Potentially NSFW.
The recently-released Sniper Elite V2 is, for want of a more in-depth review, a pretty lacklustre third-person stealth/action game punctuated by moments of extreme excitement.
Those are the times you actually get to do some proper sniping. And, as you can see in this video (be sure to click the "HD" button first to see it as nature intended), they're also some of the most excruciatingly uncomfortable killings you've ever seen in a game so otherwise serious in tone.
They're so extreme, so celebrated (that's real-time damage being shown, not a cutscene) that they can, as they did for me, quickly turn comedic. Which probably makes it even worse. Unless that doesn't bother you, in which case, this might well be the game for you.
WARNING: This is pretty graphic stuff. Don't watch if you're at work or there are kids around.
If you're the kind of person who gets grossed out easily, you might want to plan on ignoring Sniper Elite 2. That's because the World War II shooter shows you exactly what it looks when a bullet enters a skull. Or a heart. Or male reproductive organs.
We captured some of the disturbingly detailed kills—except for the testicle snippet, which comes courtesy of YouTube user krazyeexx—in the video above, in which a series of hapless German soldiers being lethally shot from very far away. The only thing worse than dying from getting shot in the balls is not knowing who did the deed. If you want to pull some of this insane marksmanship off, there's a Sniper Elite 2 demo out now on Xbox Live and PlayStation Network.
Feb 28, 2012
In April of 1945 the dictator of Nazi Germany took his own life in order to avoid capture by the Red Army during the Battle of Berlin. The move left millions feeling as if they were cheated out of an opportunity. The preorder bonus for Rebellion's Sniper Elite V2 gives customers a chance to make up for unspent bullets.
Putting five dollars down on the World War II sniping simulation at participating retailers earns players what 505 Games is calling "the ultimate mission". Intel has the Führer returning from Berchtesgaden to Berlin via his personal train. The player must meet the train at the station, find some cover, and place a substantial amount of metal into the head-meats of one of the most hated men in history. You've got one bullet; one chance to change history.
Of course you won't be changing anything in the game proper. It's not as if the entire course of the narrative will suddenly shift to accommodate for the fact that the villain checked out early. It's all about catharsis.
Sniper Elite V2 is due out in May for the Xbox 360, PC, and PlayStation 3.