Uplink

Most patch notes are boring. Fixed a bug that stopped a menu from opening properly. D.Va's Defense Matrix doesn't last as long. Wukong's attack speed is 10 percent slower. That's the usual stuff, chronicling important but dull balance changes across years of a game's life. And then there are patch notes like this: "Added cat butchery." "Made all undead respectful of one another." "Tigerman does not have ears."

That's the good stuff.

Those are the kinds of wonderfully crazy patch notes Dwarf Fortress has given us over the years. Determined to top the absurdity of Dwarf Fortress's bizarre changelogs, I put on my deerstalker, grabbed my magnifying glass, and set out to find the strangest patch notes in the history of PC gaming. These absurdities are the result. 

Rimworld

Alpha 12

  • Colonists will visit graves of dead colonists for a joy activity. 

Alpha 16

  • New alert: Unhappy nudity 

Alpha 17

  • Raiders will no longer compulsively attack doors. 

---

Conan Exiles

Patch 15.2.2017

  • Rhinos should no longer try to walk through players 

Patch 15.2.2017

  • Emus now give less XP 

Patch 23.02.2017

  • Players can no longer use chairs to travel great distances 

Update 24

  • Imps, ostriches and other non-humanoids no longer go bonkers if you hit them with a truncheon 

Update 25

  • Seeing dead people can now lead to great rewards 

Update 28

  • Fixed a small issue where a player in some instances could walk underwater. 

--- 

Rust

Update 149

  • Bucket no longer hostile to peacekeepers 

Update 152

  • Pumpkins only have 1 season (instead of 7) 

August 28, 2014

  • Bald inmate digging grows hair bug fixed 

---  

Terraria

1.2.0.2

  • The game will no longer look for the square root of zero. 

1.2.1

  • Mice can no longer spawn in hell 

1.2.3

  • Red Stucco no longer spreads corruption. 

---  

The Sims 4

02/04/2016

  • Sims carving pumpkins or working at a woodworking table will no longer ignore Sims who die near them. 

02/04/2016

  • Babies will no longer send text messages congratulating your Sims on their marriage, engagement, or pregnancy. 

01/12/2017

  • Confident children will no longer get a whim to practice pick-up lines. 

05/25/2017

  • Babies will no longer change skin tone when they are picked up. 

---  

Don't Starve

January 29th 2013

  • Darts and poop won't magically accumulate at the world origin. 

October 1st 2013

  • You can no longer trade with sleeping pigs. 

November 19th 2013

  • You can properly deploy or murder captured butterflies 

---  

Ark: Survival Evolved

254.9

  • Beers can no longer be eaten by Dinos 

---  

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion

1.2

  • Taking items from dead owned creatures is no longer a crime 

--- 

World of Warcraft

1.3.0

  • The quest NPC Khan Jehn no longer becomes confused and unresponsive 

1.4.0

  • Roast Raptor now has an more appropriate inventory sound 

2.1.0

  • Fixed an error where some characters appeared to be drinking while standing up 

2.4.0

  • Zapetta will no longer become confused about whether the zeppelin in Orgrimmar is arriving or leaving 

3.1.0

  • Yaaarrrr! now has a detailed tooltip 

--- 

Uplink

1.314 

  • Fixed : Dead or jailed people don't answer their phones 

1.35 

  • Fixed : LAN Spoof progress graphic overflow 
  • Fixed : Time freezing and unclickable buttons on computers running for several weeks

--- 

Everquest

July 10, 2001 

  • Reevaluated the values of the various fish fillets 

--- 

August 15, 2001 

  • The Giant Tree Flayer is now Large instead of Tiny 

December 6, 2001 

  • Fixed a bug that was preventing characters from being bald 

--- 

Two Worlds 2

1.4

  • Horse behaviour - improved 

--- 

Battlefield 1942

1.2 

  • Bots do not jump in and out of vehicles anymore 

--- 

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic

1.02 

  • Dead party members will no longer show up later in the game. What with thembeing dead and all 

--- 

Black and White

1.1 

  • The word "Death" no longer said when villagers die of old age
  • Creature doesn't become constipated if you punish him for pooing 

--- 

No One Lives Forever 2

1.3 

  • Fixed problems with camera rotation after slipping on a banana 

--- 

Hitman: Codename 47

Patch 1 

  • Dancer in "Gunrunner's Paradise" is no longer confused by dead bodies 
Don't Starve - Klei_Jan
Update 222215 Information:

Bug Fixes
  • Catcoons and other such "home" spawned critters won’t overpopulate now
  • Wx78’s overcharge will save between games and world hops in ROG save type games. (already worked for Shipwrecked compatible worlds)
  • A failed operation on the Drying Rack won’t crash the game now.
  • Bringing Blueprints to a world where their object does not exist won’t crash now.
  • The planting sound will play properly now on some items it wasn’t before.
  • Characters will now use their special battle cries for some critters.
  • Fixed issue with input dropping for some people on Mac OSX.
Don't Starve

Last year during the PC Gaming Show E3 broadcast, Klei Entertainment revealed Oxygen Not Included, the studio's highly-scientific take on the colony sim genre. With Oxygen Not Included hitting Early Access last month, it's already time to show off something new. This year the talented Canadian developer will reveal another completely new project live on the PC Gaming Show stage at E3.

Watch the PC Gaming Show Monday, June 12 at 10 AM Pacific (1 PM Eastern, 6 PM BST) on twitch.tv/pcgamer, Steam, or Facebook to see it first.

Don't Starve - Valve
Save up to 75% on the Don't Starve series as part of this week's Weekend Deal*!

*Offer ends Monday at 10AM Pacific Time



Community Announcements - Klei_Jan
Update 197843 Information:

Bug Fixes:
  • Fixed a bug with the Physics. Dropped items drop properly, Wilbur won’t throw poop at himself anymore, Ice machine won’t break the laws of gravity, etc..
  • Fixed a bug that caused puddles to stick around after the Monsoon season.
  • Fixed a bug with world gen putting spring and summer defaults to none in ROG worlds.
  • Fixed a bug with the Moose/Goose egg causing a crash in ROG worlds.
  • The wall placer visual will now hide when the “repair” option is the actual action available.

HOTFIX 198080 - 11/24/2016

Bug Fixes:
  • Fixed an issue with new string parsing code that was causing a crash with mods.

HOTFIX 198177 - 11/25/2016

Another issue was discovered as a result of yesterday's update that was causing the game to not display any joypad or mouse button icons. This should now be resolved.

Bug Fixes:
  • Fixed an issue with new string parsing code that was causing button prompts to not show correctly

HOTFIX 198251 - 11/25/2016

Bug Fixes:
  • Fixed an issue where some po files could cause the game to assert.
PC Gamer

Because we live in an unjust world Don't Starve isn't getting an official movie. But, as we live on the internet now, the team at Cinesaurus figured what the hell and gave it a go anyway. I'm glad they did, because their Tim Burton-esque 'trailer' is pretty charming.

The official synopsis explains the approach to bringing Don't Starve to the little big screen. "The trailer is designed as if Tim Burton had directed the movie for the fantastic video game world. The story starts as a group of five strangers are transported into a mysterious wilderness. They must survive against a scheming magician in this dark, nightmarish landscape of magic... or starve trying."

It runs for about six minutes, and hits nearly every dramatic beat a full feature would typically have warning: spoilers for a fake movie while showcasing some clever (and clumsy) recreations of characters, creatures, and machinery from the game. Overall, it's not surprising how well Don't Starve's art directions works in a live action format.

Don't Starve superfans will especially enjoy the FX dedicated to bringing Woody the werebeaver to life, plus Abigail's ghostly sister Wendy putting in an appearance. Cinesaurus might be on to something here. Someone get Klei on the horn.

Announcement - Valve
Save up to 75% on select Klei titles as part of the Klei Entertainment Games Publisher Weekend*!

*Offer ends Monday at 10AM Pacific Time

Community Announcements - Klei_Jan
Update 193934 Information:
Hey Starvers,

Another bugfix patch for Shipwrecked! Awesome! This time we were focused on performance improvements, especially in Shipwrecked worlds. Take 'er for a spin, feel the speed!

We also fixed up some lingering world merging/world travel issues, and we believe we've fixed the issues people were having with steam cloud saving failing to save at all (this resulted in things like caves being regenerated every time you tried to leave).

Change List:

Changes:
  • Lots of performance improvements! The main areas that have been improved are:
    - Gameplay slowing down as the world is explored.
    - Gameplay slowing down after a long play session.
    - Performance during wind storms.
    - Certain creatures brains when they are stuck behind walls.
    - Monkeys. Oh the monkeys.

Bug Fixes:
  • Fix crash when an object blowing in wind leaves the screen.
  • Hounds progress is correctly synchronized between worlds -- no more hound attacks every time you use the Seaworthy! Now, hounds "progress" is shared across worlds.
  • Volcano/appeasement is correctly synchronized between worlds.
  • Eyebone/Fishbone is properly ejected from backpacks when using seaworthy.
  • Altered some Steam Cloud settings to prevent caves from continuously regenerating and progress from being lost.
  • ROG toggle works properly in shipwrecked-compatible slots. This includes: Starting a new Vanilla or ROG slot w/ SW compatibility, connecting SW to an existing Vanilla or ROG slot, and making a new Vanilla or ROG world using the Seaworthy.
  • Goose Egg/Goose Egg no longer disappear shortly after appearing.
Community Announcements - Klei_Jan
Update Information:
Hey Starvers,

It's been a little bit since the last update but we've fixed a bunch more issues! In particular, we looked closely at a lot of problems that were arising around linking and travelling between different maps. This has been cleaned up and stabilized so many related issues will have gone away. But as with all big changes, new issues may have appeared or we may have missed a detail, so don't hesitate to post in this thread if you notice anything screwey. (Part of these changes included some tweaks to the way the "Days Survived" count works, see the full patch notes for details.)

Thanks for all your bug reports and logs and save files! It's been invaluable.

Change List:
Changes
  • In Shipwrecked-compatible games, especially once they've been merged, the clock now shows the age of the world you are in -- hover with your mouse or pause to see which world it is, either Survival or Shipwrecked. The age of the player is now shown on the pause screen, and includes the player's lifetime across uses of the teleportato, i.e. the total number of days you've survived consecutively.

Bug Fixes
  • Numerous fixes related to synchronizing time between worlds. Note: If your worlds have already gone out of sync, they will remain out of sync, but won't get any worse. This will prevent issues such as:
    - Entering the caves in one season and coming back in another.
    - Volcano taking ages to load.
    - All your food rotting in your pockets when you travel between worlds.
    - And of course, the clocks getting out of sync!
  • Backpack Inventory nesting bug fixed in Shipwrecked
  • Placed items that are guaranteed won't spawn unless needed (Warly's cookpot)
  • Time of day effects (e.g. darkness) will sync properly when travelling between worlds.
  • Floral Shirts now require cactus flowers in ROG and vanilla worlds whether they are shipwrecked compatible or not.
  • Willow won’t be frozen by the flingomatic now, like the other characters.
  • Beardlords won’t occasionally drop regular bunnyman loot now
  • Shark Tooth Crown will now perish when its durability is lost
  • Fix getting stuck on a black screen occasionally when loading a game. This happens because the character died for some reason, so save games suffering from this will either be concluded or end up at a resurrection stone/statue.
  • When you die in a merged or teleportato'd world, you get XP based on the character age, not the world age.
  • Terraformed beach tiles will now be tideable.
  • Planted turf will now block tide so long as it’s dry.
  • Caves and Volcanoes are merged over as well when merging a Survival world with a Shipwrecked world.
  • Survival worlds now correctly retain their RoG or Vanilla season data when merging with a Shipwrecked world.
  • Fixes a save file corruption caused by inventory stack sizes that go below one.

HOTFIX 193234 - 10/14/2016
  • Fix crash when you use the pitchfork on a non Shipwrecked map.
Community Announcements - Klei-JoeW
Update Information:
Another small patch to fix up some things.

Change List:
Bug Fixes
  • Packim’s fire form will shoot at targets as intended.
  • Coffee Plants won’t be targeted by flingomatics now.
  • Only shipwrecked character’s uncraftable items are guaranteed when loading or starting a world, which means only Warly’s cookpot.
  • Fixed save files being created for each day in game.
  • Contents of boats that are hammered or destroyed will spill out and not be lost.
  • Land traps won’t function on water and can’t be baited on water
...

Search news
Archive
2017
Sep   Aug   Jul   Jun   May   Apr  
Mar   Feb   Jan  
Archives By Year
2017   2016   2015   2014   2013  
2012   2011   2010   2009   2008  
2007   2006   2005   2004   2003  
2002