If i had a dollar for each time someone screamed at me in another language, i'd still have no money because i spent it on skins

It's like roulette; fun until it turns into Russian.

Revan was only 23 years old.
He loved CS:GO so much.
He had most of the achievements and items.
He prayed to Gaben every night before bed, thanking him for the inventory he's been given.
"CS:GO is love," he says, "CS:GO is life."
His elder Dragon hears him and calls him a silver scrublord.
He knows his elder is just jealous of his son's devotion to Gabe.
He calls him a console peasant.
He slaps him and sends him to sleep.
He's crying now and his face hurts.
He lays in bed, and it's really cold.
He feels a warmth moving towards him.
He looks up.
It's Gabe!
He's so happy,
Gabe whispers into Revan's ear, "Try your chances... Open a case."
Gaben grabs Revan with his powerful dev-team hands and puts him on his hands and knees.
He's ready.
Revan opens his pockets for Gabe.
Gabe puts his hands deep into Revan's pockets.
It costs so much, but Revan does it for CS:GO.
Revan can feel his wallet emptying as his eyes start to water.
He accepts the terms and conditions.
Revan wants to please Gabe.
Gaben lets out a mighty roar as he fills Revan's computer with keys.
Revan opens all the cases and gets nothing worth anything at all.

CS:GO is love...
CS:GO is life... 
_______________________________________________________________

Instead of adding me, you can join the official fan group on Steam, here! <---

...You can also check my crappy YouTube channel if you want, here. <---
I make lots of CS:GO videos, make assorted gameplay, and best of all, I make my own music!

Ever since buying this game, I:
-Have learned very fluent Russian and I'm getting 10s in my Russian class for just showing up
-Had my internet and PC crash more times than I could count
-Have never seen the sunlight since I bought it
-Lost all of my friends
-Spent almost $1000 on virtual pixels
-Have learned how many immature 12 year olds have ♥♥♥♥ed my mother

10/10
I would recommend this game to every 3 year old who knows the words ♥♥♥♥ and blyad

I'm bored and have slow internet. Might as well make a review. I don't even know if this IS a review.

> spends 1 hour writing this
> nobody reads
> :c

Counter-Strike: Global Offensive is a pretty great game.

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First things first, the basic rules.

In CS:GO, you have the choice to play five official gamemodes:

-Arms Race
-Deathmatch
-Demolition
-Casual
-Competitive

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Summary of gamemodes:

In Arms Race, the player gets weapons not by the money, but by killing people. Each two kills get you a new weapon. At the final stage of the weapon, you will get the Gold Knife. Kill someone with it, and you win.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Deathmatch, yes. In Deathmatch, it is like a "warm-up" or "practice" mode. For me, at least. In this gamemode, you join a server, and you just kill everybody you see, except your teammates. You can get weapons for free. There are also random occasions in which the game will tell you that a weapon currently has bonus points, and if you want to use that particular weapon, you press g by default. The person who gets the most points, wins.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

So next in the list, is Demolition. It is set to be a 5 vs 5 match. It also has 20 rounds. The first team to get 11 rounds wins, and it can even finish with a tie. In the first half, you play as a set team. In the second, you play as the other team. You cannot buy any weapons, but instead, you get weapons by killing people, just like in Arms Race. Money is also not rewarded.

But this is different: let's make a scenario. In (Round 1), you kill an enemy. the weapon will be rewarded to you on the next round. But what if you kill two in one round? You still get to advance to the next weapon, but you get a bonus grenade. For example:

2 kills: next wep + bonus grenade
3 kills: next wep + 2 bonus grenades

Get the pattern? Yeah.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

What next? Oh, yeah. It's Casual.

Casual is a 10vs10 game, with 15 rounds. The first team to get 8 wins, wins the match. It is split into two sub-gamemodes: Bomb Defusal (IIRC), and Hostage. Sorry, I don't know the exact names. In Bomb Defusal, there are two bomb sites. A and B. The Counter-Terrorists always have the Defusal Kit equipped, even if they didn't buy it. The kit shortens the defusal time from 10 to 5 seconds.

The terrorists can freely choose which site they want to plant in. The bomb, iirc, has a 45 second timer.
When defusing / planting the bomb, it makes a noise. Of course, the CTs are trying to stop them.

Counter-Terrorists can win in two ways: killing all of the Ts before they plant the bomb, or defusing the bomb.
For the terrorists, it's the same: killing all of the CTs, or making the bomb explode.

So in Hostage, the roles are switched: the terrorists are now the defending side, and vice-versa. As the gamemode says, the Ts are holding some people hostage. And it is up to the CTs to get the hostages, or kill all of the Ts.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Finally, competitive.

The competitive gamemode is much like the Casual gamemode, except a few differences:

- Each kill has 2x more money reward than in Casual.
- Defusal Kits / Rescue Kits cost money, and they don't get equipped automatically for free.
- It's a 5v5.
- Competitive has 30 rounds.
- Each half has 15 rounds, and in both halves, you get to play as CTs and Ts.
- Like the Demolition Gamemode, the match can end in a tie.
- People are much more serious.
- ♥♥♥♥ blyat

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

So, here is my thoughts.

CS:GO offers a large variety of gamemodes, and you can just see that I've written about all of them. Phew, that took a lot of time. Anyway, CS:GO is a very entertaining game, and each match has a different experience. Yes, CS:GO can be a bit too serious, but it is also a fun game. The community is not just a single person, you know. There are people who don't like you, and some don't care, but some will make your day better.

GO is a game with a high skill ceiling. There is a huge learning curve to go in this game.
It's like chess. Easy to learn, hard to master.

I've met a huge amount of my friends in CS:GO, and I still talk to them. Some, I don't. Yeah. They'll be grumpy at times, but they inspire me. There are some bugs in this game, but not too gamebreaking. Just a few small ones. Don't expect to enjoy this game if you have ♥♥♥♥♥♥ internet. Ping matters.

I hope you know that CS:GO is available for consoles, too. In fact, VALVe talked about having cross-platform multiplayer, but that would be unfair for the console players, cause they have a delay in controls. I am 100% sure that VALVe completely abandoned Global Offensive in the console.

The competitive scene is pretty huge, too. And a tournament even reached more than a million viewers! Online and in the tournament itself. It's only two years old, and it's already a big game. VALVe may not be the most listening, but they try. Except sometimes they make some aspects of the game turn to ♥♥♥♥. Like the AWP. They reduced the movement speed while scoping.

There are also skins in CS:GO. Some care about it, some don't. Just a matter of personal preference. I think they're part of why this game is popular.

The most negative opinion I have, though, is about the Competitive gamemode. Sure, "no game is perfect", and the real fun is there, yeah, but the banning system needs some stuff to be taken care of. You know, just a few tweaks, like forgiving a person if he accidentally kills someone. It is pretty unforgiving. For who doesn't know, you can get banned for killing a teammate too many times, or leaving the game. If someone abandons your team, you can surrender.

Not permanent bans, though.

The VAC (Valve Anti-Cheat) System also needs some fixing to be done. Some cheats aren't fully detected, so the hacker doesn't get VACed. From my experiences, I still haven't encountered a hacker, but that's probably because I'm a Silver. Some people can be real ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥s.
So that's my review. Hoped you like it!

EDIT: I missed a few points, thanks > SKaREO

About the netcode of CS:GO, truth be told, it HAS been really bad... for a few weeks now in fact. I go up to a guy and spray him, but most of the time it registers 2 or 3 hits out of 8 for example which could be lethal. Take note, that's in close quarters. No, that's not horrible aim. In the words of a truly horrible player, "omfg 64-tick sucks volvo pls 128-tick". Eh, doesn't really suck, just... well, mixed?

In Global Offensive, there are a few advantages. Some on the T side, and some on the CT side. Hm, what's it called? Yeah, the perspective. Take this for an example, the "left shoulder advantage".
| http://i.imgur.com/kVpjg.jpg?1 | Here's an explanation: the player models hold guns on the right side. Therefore holding angles or peeking with left shoulder is more favorable as your model is less exposed. TheWarOwl has this video to make advantage of your perspective:
| https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5e8HZqF3cyk | And that's well-- unfair. Just like in real life, should I see your eyes, you will see mine, too.

As I said earlier, VAC needs some fixing. It's terrible. But again, I still haven't played with any cheaters, so I can't fully review this part yet. Thanks.

Final conclusion: an EXCELLENT game. There's bugs and glitches, but it's a fine piece of work. Go get it if you haven't already have it. Already do? Well what're you doing reading this review? Go play!

BTW: CS:GO has gotten an update where the voice chat quality has improved.
Thanks valve!

TL;DR: ayy lmao 10/10 ♥♥♥♥ blyat
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