In-depth, competitive, scientifically proven, approved by Church of England and American Monster Truck foundation,
true MLG review on award-winning game: Heroes of League Of Autists 2.
Alright, guys, listen. My name is [IG] D[andi] SingSing aka Wild♥♥♥♥♥Digger1998UA and i will throw some of my wild gameplay suggestions in a game that is totally not corrupted by trends, pro leagues where people play like lobsters on acid (denying your own aegis because you click like a frenzied ape when nothing around is happening) and totally not toxic community where every Ivan, George and PingPongClingClong is a distinguished pro gamer with 200 years of training at Icefrog's monastery of enlightement somewhere inbetween Tibet's asscheeks.
Okay, let's go: This riding on cat Mirana chick with face that looks like she just seen a dolphin putting on a condom. Her ultimate allows teammates to get invisibility for given time. Which can, for instance, save your carry+ support who is getting dived by frenzied Bristleback and enemy mid hero with 2 runes up his butt. So just press r - and since they didnt have any dusts - your carry is safe. Haha, no! We can't have any of that! I need more damage on my arrow that i will miss anyway. Plus if my allies are dying, i can just blame them instead of doing anything. If they are russians - just double your blame output.
Okay, so we have that hero, Spector, but it doesnt look like this gay guy from Bioware game. So she has ability to move through obstacles and units, has free tons of pure damage (can't be reduced by armor) on every illusion, and map presense with her ultimate that allows her to fight at any given time without leaving her farming spots until necessary, and with high enough agility her illusions can just inflict enough damage so your team can fight freely while you patiently taking your farm. SO WHAT DO WE DO? OF COURSE WE AINT GONNA DO ANY OF THAT: we will get her phase boots because spectral dagger is clearly not enough, we will never ever get free damage on carry, and we get a bloody skill that blocks and returns damage instead (when enemy team has like. ugh, same damage output as yours?and you have no hp yet anyway?). Get vanguard that just doesn't work because of dota 2's RNG programming and then will farm radiance till 50' timemark because expensive aura with item's green damage that doesnt work on illusions (even though aura does work and can do a lot of good things, like blocking enemy's blink dagger that will be blocked by your ult in a second anyway) is clearly better than stat-gain or mana-burn.
Okay, so we have that orange bird guy, that can hold solo lane against 2 or 3 people with minimum deaths (except some specific combos that just screw up his escape) and set of abilities that allows to eviscerate enemy team if your allies have at least ANYTHING to hold them in place. What are we gonna do with this hero, you may ask. Of course we will put him on a support role and make him buy mekansm, so he would never have any mana for his high damage dots that also have ridicilous slow debuff and ult that is easily countered only like by ten heroes out of 150. We have Mirana without ultimate to go get all this exp, remember?
Alright, these situations are obviously too situative, so we will talk about global scale meta:
Let's get to most obvious question: what hero should we pick? The answer is - PUDGE.
You need mid - you pick PUDGE. You need support - you pick PUDGE. You need offlane, jungler, roamer, carry, social worker, girlfriend, president of the united states of 'Murrica? - Just pick Pudge. Why? Because someone did that on twitch.tv, you silly noob cheekyscrublord.
You, of course, have same skill as pro players so you can just mimic them and game will be magically won! You don't need to think about anything, just buy recommended items and blame your teammates if something is wrong. You got a motherflipping DRAGONCLAW HOOK afterall. If you bought an item that is worth of 3 years of your school lunchboxes - nobody will have enough guts to argue with your divine skill in pressing q button at cursor location to lasthit a creep (mute everyone at the start of the game just in case tho).
Next important issue is map presense, lane control, creep control, ability to analyze situation, counter-warding and all that important elements of this pseudo-strategical map
game. For all of that just remember these two lines:
"WHERE THE GANG" (it is important that you will never type "gank" properly).
This is basically all you need to know about this game. Remember: its not important to win! It's the whole competetive spirit and sportsmanship that matters! Everyone has around 50% winrate anyway because of matchmaking, and ELO system in rankeds is based on wizard-science and tarot-fortunetelling (it's supposed to work only in chess anyway). Yeah, developers may tell you their rating system is not based on elo, but can Volvo really pull off their own mathematic rating model for the game that after all these years still lags when someone is picking a hero, armor rating still doesnt work properly, and hero with 320 movespeed can chase down and kill hero with 350 because of model animation? Oooh i think not.
Anyway i give this game 100 dirty apes out of 100 and encourage you to start playing as fast as possible, to join in most viral addiction the world ever saw since taking heroin rectally, poping polyethylene packages or throwing water filled condoms out of the window became a thing.