Now let me tell you, I am a great builder, the best in the buisness, I'm great, I know how to build things. But you know what's not great? Our country. We don't win anymore. We used to have clear victories, but we don't have them anymore. Our country's in serious trouble. I mean, when do we beat France in war? In an even battle, they kill us. When do we beat Scotland at the border? They're laughing at us, at our stupidity. We invite people from all over the world, including Syria, and we have no idea of who these people are. They are spies, they are sneaky diplomats, they are naffatunes, and some, I assume are good people. But we need a total and complete shutdown of Muslim immigration to England. We also need to build a great wall between us and Scotland, and it will be a beautiful wall with a big fat door where people can come in LEGALLY. Islam hates us, they really do. They exterminate and sack our villages, and I'll be sure to protect the Papist community from them. The pope questions my faith sometimes, but it's a disgrace to do so. I sent 4 cardinals into Ireland, I really did, and I built a great cathedral in York. Soon the Moors will declare a jihad on London at this rate. Anyways, when do we beat Venice at trade? They get 40 florins per turn on a resource, and we get 10! Let me tell you, if you crown me king, I'll bring back Blood Eagle and I'll bring back a hell of a lot worse. It'd be a pretty picture to see the Polish Queen on her knees. She's hot, just like my daughter, the future princess Ivanka. If she wasn't my daughter, perhaps I'd be dating her. Our country is weak! Our military is like number 20 on the turn report. At least that's what the experts tell me. I get a lot of pro players, they're calling me, they're saying "king, you're gonna do something that's gonna be so tough". And it's true. That's why I am officially running to be monarch of England, and we're gonna make our country rich again, we're gonna make it strong again, we're gonna take care of our knights, and it will all be great. Oh and I'll bombard the ♥♥♥♥ out of the Turkroaches with my trebuchets!
t. Donald John Trump

Crusade/Jihad simulator. It might be old but it's still fun as heck to play. The modern warscape total war games lost some of the magic that made total war great. Definitely recommended.

hello reviews section, my name is whiskers and im going to share you my pain
ps. crippling depression is so cool

>be me 3 weeks ago
>browse store
>see game
>"oh great, something to replace my big bad pirated rome 1"
>i decide to buy the pack (which gives you kingdoms dlc)
>leave it downloading
>fall asleep
>next day, wake up to find it downloaded
>ahyes,jpeg
>open the game
>"well time to start this off with a campaign
>inspect the sh*tty nations
>decided to play as england, because, why the ♥♥♥♥ not?
>i gaze upon my lands and start recruiting
>turn 12 marks my conquest to take the lands of the scottish
>after a successful conquest, which put the whole isle under my command, i decide to wage war against the french
>turn 29 marks my landing on the european mainland
>wage war
>i manage to take paris, french offer me ceasefire and some money
>declined
>take 3 more settlements
>offer ceasefire for 600 florins
>accepted
>"♥♥♥♥ing whiteflaggers"
>about 4 turns later, a crusade happens
>game urges me to join
>i refuse as my economy was not ready for another war
>pope dislikes me alot
>turn 36 marks the attack of the spanish
>i valiantly push them back, loosing half my army in the process
>pope tells me to stop
>me, being the idiot i am , decide to ignore the demand
>excommunated
>*sigh*
>"♥♥♥♥ing hell i want to die"
>milan and the not-so-holy roman empire declare war
>conquer my newly captured french lands
>turn 123, im left to holding the Iverness
>turn 126 marks my demise

kriffing ustase pope made me depressed again

- Play custom battle
- Select Timurids
- Give your team a lot of money
- Select elephants
- Fully upgrade them
- Select weakest unit for enemy
- Use elephants to make enemy juice

11/10 Would feel superior again

Our last king restored Hungary to it's rightful place in the Christian church. We must not let it fall!
My western border with The Holy Roman Empire is secured and christianty is almost fully restored, we must restore our eastern front! Many of our greatest builders were sent to build churches, chapels and Abbeys, we trained our greatest priests to become bishops and cleanse our eastern territory from the heretical thought. Our eastern border wasn't protected though, so we had to make alliances, Georgia came to us in request to trade, it was a perfect moment to make a diplomatic action and propose an alliance, gladly they accepted. We both had a common enemy of course, the heretics who call them selves "Byzantines".

They are nothing but a dying empire, after we aided Georgia in their wars and the world was shown the true strengh of Mother Hungary, the Russian and Polish embassies embraced our relations and proposed an alliance. Of course we agreed, now that we have Georgia in the east, Kievan Rus' in the north east and Poland in the north, we can direct our forces to the west!

The Holy Roman Empire is in constant war with our polish allies, but my advisor said that it's best to build up our economy. So we did, in a matter of years Hungary became the richest country in Europe and maybe in the whole world, soon we started buying cities from Poland and Kievan Rus', our borders grew and my kingdom strenghened. Our Polish friends were also getting stronger and our relations were better than ever. But Poland was too concerned with wars than with their own faith! The church has excomunicated them, and I had to declare war on my closest friend. I hasitated but I shudder to think that I could ever betray them...

The church was unpleased with my actions, but I can't betray my own friend, I still think there is hope for him, I just need to meet him once more, have a drink and discuss his issues with the church. But alas I was too late, he has fallen in battle trying to defend his lands, his entire city butchered, women and children.
And now I have to pay for my actions, I have been excomunicated. I am writing now as I'm waiting for the inevitable.

Soon, a crusade will begin.

So I decided to start as France because I LOVE heavy cavalry and I doubt anyone has done it so far.

I started my campaign by absorbing the nearby rebel settlements into my empire. The first battle goes poorly, I only just barely win and only from capturing the center of the town, I am beginning to doubt if France was the right choice. The second battle, however, goes very well. I use proper cavalry tactics and completely descimate the rebel settlement, adding it to my glorious French empire. After that I begin dominating the map, settlement after settlement, battle after battle. Finally, My empire is the largest, the strongest, the richest, the most advanced, and the most populated in the world. I have also allied with the British, the Polish, and the Holy Roman Empire, with dreams of conquering the British Isles.

I am soon given that chance when I recruit a mercinary fleet of ships. I get Military access from the foolish British and set my armies in key strategic locations. The next turn, I execute order 66. The British are taken off guard and I kill all but two of their generals, king included. I then turn my eyes to their last territory, where their pretender king awaits. My king's army marches forth to this English coward, and just when we have our siege equipment ready and our swords drawn, the other British general attacks us from the west. Nevertheless, we have the advantage and as my my ballistas are aimed for their gate and my horses crush their western army and my troops storm their city and kill their king, but at a cost, my king is bravely killed as well. Which is good, because we had been excommunicated from the church just prior and were finally let in at news that my "heathen" king had been killed.

Just as I make preperations to incorporate these accursed Islands into my empire I am betrayed. As it turned out, HRE actually hated my Polish allies and decided to attack me as well. I am enraged to see their sorry yellow and black hides besiege my forces in Metz. I quickly show these traitors whose boss and wipe out their troops. But then, their leader, alone, attacks some of my forces near Metz. I am surprised he beat me with few casualties as he charged DIRECTLY INTO MY LINE OF SPEARS! He then retreated directly into the stygnian depths of Germany where I could not reach him. No matter, revenge can wait till he's watched his country burn. I begin hitting him, hard, and end up splitting their empire in half. Unfortunately, In my viscious assault I am, again, excommunicated from the church. Thankfully the pope dies and I am reconciled, and to top that, the new one is polish so HRE is then excommunicated. Sadly the pope calls a crusade on Cairo, and if I don't send my leader, I'll be excommunicated. So, I do what I must, and before too long, have a crusading army worthy of many gasps.

The crusade goes poorly, to put it mildly. I end up, for no reason, having my men continuously desert to "find another party that will be more on track to the destination". So I end up wasting thousands of florins on disloyal mercinaries who constantly desert me. By the time I make it to Cairo, the crusade is over and I am lacking in any reasonable army. So I start back to paris. On the way there I reach Constantinopel and notice it is lacking in any good military, and just can't resist taking it from the Byzantines. Back in Europe I have finally taken over the British Isles and was attacked by Spain, who happened to be allied with the HRE. Now I am in a war on three fronts and have the number one military in the entire world. And one more thing. Word has reached me that the mongols have risen so now I have quite a bit to look forward to.

---------------------------------------------TO BE CONTINUED---------------------------------

If you want the definitive Total War experience Medieval 2 is it. Unlike new Total War games, Medieval 2 is much more complex in its gameplay mechanics. From maintaining merchants and diplomats to army management. Medieval 2 feels more of an empire building simulator than newer games such as Rome 2.

Battles feel much heavier and units tend to react more realistically to commands. The sense of weight makes battle feel much more organic than Shogun 2, Rome 2 or even Fantasy Warhammer.

If you do choose to buy this game, be sure to install Stainless Steel as it provides a much more historical early and late game era campaign. You can check out some footage of it on my YouTube channel.

This is hands down one of the best and most classic total war games out there. If you're debating on whether or not to get it i would highly recommend that you do.

SUPER FUN. hours upon hours of gameplay as you can see from my hours and ive only just started multiplayer.

-buy game
-start as the empire of hungary
-take rebel settlements in East
-establish large economy
-buy a bunch of mercernaries
-fail to realize mercernaries are killing my economy
-go bankrupt
-retry campaign
-repeat steps 2-4
-Venice now hates me for stealing a rebel settlement
-meet the Holy Roman Empire
-marry my princess to their heir
-meet Poland
-marry Polish princess to my heir
-start upgrading military
-spam croat axeman
-spam bosnian archers
-first crusade called
-fail to join crusade causing pope to hate me
-Venice takes Vienna
-steal Vienna from Venice
-steal Venice from Venice
-Blockade Venice's last port
-Venice begs for mercy
-gives Venice mercy
-start trading with France, Milan and Turks
-pope dies
-elect new pope from sicily
-get my first Feudal knights
-form alliance with turks
-declare war on Byzantines
-get new crossbowmen
-start taking northern byzantine empire
-Turks take south byzantine empire
-Byzantines are ded
-I AM THE GREATEST LEADER THAT EVER LIVED
-new threat in the east
-NAW can't be too bad
-Mongol invasion
-see five full mongol stacks take a Russian city
-♥♥♥♥!
-start fortifying eastern border
-bring all the troops
-bring my king for morale support
-try bribing the mongols to leave me alone
-Mongols happily accept, then attack
-Mongols take Iasi wiping a full stack
-Mongols attack my three full stacks at Bran
-Mongols kill my king in the battle but they lose
-Well, looks like the worst has blown over...phew
-WRONG
-another full stack of Mongols shows up and takes Bran due to tactical incompetence on my part
-most of my army is ded
-being positively ♥♥♥♥ED in the east I build more troops
-Poland dies
-in a desperate attempt of survival I begin to expand westward
-reluctantly declare war on holy roman empire
-get excommunicated by church
-Milan attacks
-start making guys with guns
-#rekt Milanese army
-steal some territories
-steal more territories
-♥♥♥♥ around
-Mongols begin following me
-Mongols conquer Budapest
-I start to conquer central Europe
-become overly dependent on Mercernaries again
-start losing money
-become roaming blood thirsty conquerors
-France and Holy Roman empire form an alliance
-begin last desperate push
-combine French/German forces defeat last of my armies
-Other people march on my territory
-economy is almost gone due to mercernary abuse
-Fall back to Italian holdings
-lose two more cities
-beg for mercy
-begging accepted
-pope reconciles me
-but now we have to worry about Mongols
-can't expand anymore
-offer to assist HRE, France an Papal states againt Mongols
-maybe one day the lands of old will once again belong to the sons of Hungary
-take a break from campaign
-forget about campaign
-rediscover it two weeks later
-decide I'm to poor to keep playing on that campaign
-now Hungary is a disgraced, scarred and fractured empire
-Hungarians are now known as simply two-time losers
-and I wouldn't have changed a thing

11/10 would watch my empire crumble before my very eyes again!