Spent my time trying to get little miss T-34 to love me. After I finnaly breached her iron will I "rammed her like a fascist." I was court martialed even though the military ♥♥♥♥ed up the documents. But instead of being executed I was sent to fight Plane girls and died being a non-commissioned officer on the front lines. But I died doing what I loved... "Riding tanks."

10/10 would be sent into a penal platoon to fight for mother russia again

12/10 would ♥♥♥♥ a british tank and get abandoned by yandere tank at court again.

alright, realtalk, realtalk:
this game is pretty glorious. the characters are anime archetypes, yes, but that's part of the joke. note that this review will contain spoilers, and i've only played....panzer, tiger, and 20's routes, so take that as you will. anywho....


panzer iv: basically /pol/'s dream girl. her hobbies include blood rituals, japanese fangirling, and being a nazi. i kinda wish i was kidding on that, but no, that's actually what she's into. i dig it.

tiger i: panzer's hot and clumsy cousin. she's got big racks of ammo, and she enjoys fashion. she's probably also involved with blood rituals and being a nazi to some degree.

i-20: your stalker. glorious mother russia's pride and joy, don't keep her stalin for too long. ha. ha. ha. she's also able to drink you under the table and she's always watching. always.

t-34: tsundere. also russian. didn't really interest me, but she's probably the girl out there for some russian tsundere lover.

m4 sherman: basically tomo from azumanga daioh, but a tank. she's the typical high energy american girl who has nothing to lose. she's also kinda dumb as bricks.

those are the main girls. there's also a hot british tank who goes to another school (you can xxx her. i wish i could choose her as official girl, but alas, no such luck.), a few other various tanks, and also the drill sgt from full metal jacket is there (why no route for gunney i wanna date gunney).


basically, you're at a normal all-girl high school except all the girls are tanks and you're taught how to not be a maggot by the best sensei ever. the routes all seem to progress the same way, so i kinda got bored after doing 3 of them. there are a few dialogue differences and of course they depend on the girl you picked, but overall it still progresses the same way.


the ending is exactly the same no matter what you do. you're sent to court for going awol, gunney tries to defend you, that fails, if you're lucky a girl rushes in to defend you, and then they realized you xxxed a tank and you're sentenced to some other punishment for xxxing a tank. (or you're just shot if no girl comes to help you.) the fact that there's almost no difference with any of the endings is what really upset me and got me to stop playing the game, otherwise, if there were unique endings, i gladly would've played it again for any of the girls.


- change the ending. the ending sucks. i'm sentenced to death for making sweet glorious love to that steely posterior, and i don't get to live the rest of my life with my tankwife? not a good ending. give the girls separate endings along with cgs at the end, and i'll replay it for every single character released. (or at least have yandere tank come in and defend me instead of abandoning my ♥♥♥ last minute)
- make a cg gallery option, so i can go back and view glorious tank ♥♥♥ again without replaying the route entirely and so i can remember which routes i played and which i haven't.
- options menu where i can control text speed, music on/off, skip previously viewed text, etc, etc. there are some awkward moments where there's no music whatsoever and i feel like playing my own music, but then it suddenly cuts back in.
- (optional) trading cards and wallpaper for our steam profile to display waifus. emoticons are nice too. who knows when i need to express my emotions through a picture of i-20?


do i recommend the game? hell yeah i do. ride that glorious tank ♥♥♥ to destiny, my friends. but there's still room for improvement and i think it could be upped with patches, definitely. the game's not for everyone and you have to have a thick skin to laugh at some of the jokes based on war tragedy but it's about as bad as, say, a female-based version of hetalia, so, y'know. if you're okay with it with hot guys, hot girls isn't much different.

There was a point in time I could have been considered a "normal" person.
That moment has clearly passed.

It took me an hour to realize Lemmor is Rommel backwards.

10/10 best game.

10/10 now waiting on the plane girls sequel
(i wanna diddle a spitfire)