Kill 'em all in 2D and 3D!
User reviews: Mixed (50 reviews)
Release Date: Dec 19, 2007
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About This Game

Take out dozens of enemies, traps and other dangers with your knife, hand gun, machine gun, grenade launcher, satchel charges or sniper rifle!

6 varying levels taking place in the desert, jungle or city!

Fast action 3D platform gaming with classic 2D gameplay!

System Requirements

    Minimum:
    • OS: Windows XP, Vista, 7
    • Processor: 1000 MHz
    • Memory: 256 MB RAM
    • Graphics: 2nd generation 'hardware TnL videocards with 64 MB memory such as: ATI Radeon 7500 or Nvidia Geforce 2
    • DirectX: Version 9.0c
    • Hard Drive: 800 MB available space
Helpful customer reviews
30 of 33 people (91%) found this review helpful
0.2 hrs on record
Posted: November 26, 2014
This is truly one of the worst platformers I've played, and that's just from 20 minutes of playing it. Nothing works. The controls are beyond broken. You press up to crawl on the ground. I repeat: you press UP to crawl on the ground. When the first level is challenging because of broken mechanics and takes you at least five minutes to get past the first enemy because you only have a knife and you're moving on a 2D plane, you know you're screwed. Even for 49 cents, it's still a major ripoff.
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15 of 15 people (100%) found this review helpful
0.1 hrs on record
Posted: January 5
Where to start, I could call this the worst game ever made and I wouldn't be wrong. To truely understand just how horrific this game is a person needs only turn it on for the first time. I am pretty certain I got this game for less than a dollar, and that is one dollar I'll never see back.

This game is worse than one of those free flash games you get from a shady website that pop's up while your surfing for porn in the middle of the night. In fact many of those games are far superior to this mess.

I'd say this game is like getting a root canel, as the numbing agent starts to wear off and you can feel the dentist begin to kill the roots in your teeth. Except having that done is probably more fun than this flaming pile of refuge.

Please do yourself a favor, take that dollar you would have spend playing this game, set it on fire and place the charred remains between two slices of bread.... you would get more value out of your money this way...

Although if you do buy the game, keep in mind you'll join the ranks of gamers like myself who love picking up crap...
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15 of 17 people (88%) found this review helpful
1 person found this review funny
1.9 hrs on record
Posted: December 21, 2014
I use this a weapon, I bought copies of this on sale and send it to people as a passive aggresive way of driving them mad.

When a game is so bad I use it to break connections with people that I don't want to talk to, you know you have done badly.
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14 of 16 people (88%) found this review helpful
1 person found this review funny
0.2 hrs on record
Posted: December 21, 2014
Imagine you fell off a bridge into cold water, then four school trucks fell off that bridge and landed on you. The trucks set on fire and explode incinerating your crushed corpse untill you are a pile of ash. That ash was eaten by a dog and then ♥♥♥♥ out and thrown at Kim jong un, kim launches 4 nuclear missiles that destroy humanity and erases all life from earth. (I didn't know where I was going with that story) Essentialy this game is cancer...
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12 of 15 people (80%) found this review helpful
1 person found this review funny
0.6 hrs on record
Posted: December 27, 2014
no
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6 of 7 people (86%) found this review helpful
1 person found this review funny
1.2 hrs on record
Posted: December 31, 2014
Holy ♥♥♥♥ this is hilarious. How is such a game on Steam? It's $0.49 so I'm gonna buy a bunch and gift it to everyone.
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4 of 4 people (100%) found this review helpful
1 person found this review funny
0.9 hrs on record
Posted: February 8
Have you ever played a game that is so bad that it's good? No?
Well you need to make Alpha Zylon stay in your library then.

You play as a badass soldier who rely only on his tiny little knife to fight the armed enemies.
You will have your unlimited ammo guns later in the game because why not.
Each level have different objectives and yeah different traps and enemies.

And please throw out your logic while playing this game.
This is a video game, nothing is weird.
Although I admit there is a racist in the city level where you fight "rooftop thugs" that's all black-men and their leader is a white-man called "12 cent"
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7 of 10 people (70%) found this review helpful
1 person found this review funny
1.1 hrs on record
Posted: November 27, 2014
This game is literally better than crack cocaine. This beautiful masterpeice of a game will bring a grown man to tears.
But seriously DO NOT BUY THIS GAME! You might think this game would be funny to play... and you're right. But after about five minutes my friend started crying. It is really THAT bad. Avoid it like the plague. Your welcome.
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4 of 5 people (80%) found this review helpful
1 person found this review funny
1.0 hrs on record
Posted: February 7
Hands down this is the most RACIST game I've ever played on Steam. I thought Resident Evil 5 was bad but this game really takes it to a whole new level with the Manhattan stage where you do nothing but slaughter INNOCENT PoC while swinging from rooftop to rooftop like some sort of KKK Spiderman. EVERY single one of the gang members is black, which I could buy at first, but when I saw their LEADER '12 cent' was WHITE, I knew that the devil must be behind this game.

PLEASE petition Steam to REMOVE this game at ONCE from their catalog. Tell them to CHECK THEIR PRIVILEGE and think twice before publishing such offensive content.

http://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=388912347
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1 of 1 people (100%) found this review helpful
0.3 hrs on record
Posted: February 16
+Jerma did a video

-Awful presentation
-Atrocious A.I.
-The first section is one of the most frustrating levels in history
-Not even funny bad

1/10 - Abysmal
I seriously only bought this game because Jerma did a video on it and it was hilarious. Plus it was on sale for like 40 cents. It's not even like Superman 64 or Sonic '06 with the whole "so bad it's good" thing, so I can't even recommend it on that merit.
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1 of 1 people (100%) found this review helpful
1 person found this review funny
0.3 hrs on record
Posted: February 2
Do you hate yourself and want to waste your time with no reward aside knowing you could have done something, anything better than this? Then this is the game for you.

Seriously though, its not even worth the play through to have some laughs. Its just overly frustrating ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. Play at your own risk, or because you need something to do while you take a break from watching paint dry.
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9 of 18 people (50%) found this review helpful
1 person found this review funny
0.2 hrs on record
Posted: December 10, 2014
I never play stupid game like this. Even 15 years ago.
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214 of 295 people (73%) found this review helpful
1 person found this review funny
1.5 hrs on record
Posted: July 17, 2014
What other game gives you side-scrolling platforming AND first-person shooting? Exactly.
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67 of 83 people (81%) found this review helpful
1 person found this review funny
0.5 hrs on record
Posted: July 23, 2014
Really, really bad game, even for 2007.

I've played the worst PS1 games you can find, and this still doesn't hold anything to them.

Don't buy this game.

I made this video so you can see for your self.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MugEn_ysMSc
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233 of 391 people (60%) found this review helpful
1 person found this review funny
5.0 hrs on record
Posted: July 15, 2014
This game is amazing and truly "Has It All": graphics, sounds, images, keyboard buttons that sometimes do things, little tiny people who aren't real and don't look real but you can pretend that they are (some are good, some are evil), and much much more. You are a dude with a knife who must stop a gigantic drug cartel from making more drugs! But how can you do that? Well you stab many people until they all die. Then you will have bested the drug war and come out a hero. "Winners do not use drugs" - George H. W. Bush Jr.

This game was worth somebody else's $4.24 and possibly more! Will play again! Join my Alpha Zylon clan, coming up soon!
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65 of 104 people (63%) found this review helpful
1 person found this review funny
0.3 hrs on record
Posted: July 22, 2014
wow
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17 of 35 people (49%) found this review helpful
1 person found this review funny
0.6 hrs on record
Posted: December 1, 2014
Is Bond too boring? Bauer too bland? Bourne too blasé? Throw all that other junk out the window and step into the boots of our unnamed, unburdened-with-backstory white male hero, who after copious amounts of debate and study I have dubbed Paul. Paul is the single most manly person alive, with baseball hat and sunglasses combined with his trademark tactical.. shirt.
You may be asking, but what about the game? I will inform you. Upon starting Alpha Zylon, three tantalizing choices of mission await. I, like any good person, played them in order, and will describe them as such.
DESERT WMD SEARCH: Run through the desert avoiding tiny mines, LMG-wielding Middle Eastern people, AK-47 Middle Eastern people, and white Hummers driven by no one. If you survive long enough to reach the bunker, watch out! Bombs are falling everywhere. Proceed on past the bunkers while carefully knifing every AK wielding terrorist to proceed to the second stage of the first mission, a sniping mission set in a bustling plaza.
Unfortunately, I am not as manly or skilled as Paul, and this is where my first mission ended because despite my sniping expertise in keeping the nuclear weapons traders alive, I couldn't kill the ghost hummer that shows up to buy nuclear weapons without also killing the trader. I hung my head in shame and moved on.
JUNGLE PREDATOR RAMBO PREDATOR: In this scenario, you must stealthily knife white blond dudes as you avoid caltrops that are, at best, eight pixels wide before deploying and approximately the same brown as everything else. This is a challenge, but one I was mostly up to (aside from when the caltrops sucked me in when I clearly made the jump over them). If you progress far enough in JPRP, you can save some brown hostages in white suits who are either waiters or just impeccably dressed, who then speak incredibly racist gibberish and run away. I died too many times to caltrops and had to once again bow out gracefully.
MANHATTAN CHASE: Run along rooftops after speaking with the exact same model of the hostages from JPRP, now a rich penthouse owner in New York. As you run, shoot approximately 200 black people with your Desert Eagle and avoid the mini-gun toting black people hanging out of windows. This is a 2D platformer where you jump and shoot, but unfortunately my journey ultimately ended early here too. After two very successful runs both culminated in me falling through a building and to my death, the game crashed and Paul presumably retired. I only know this section is officially called Manhattan Chase because upon crashing, Windows told me that was what it was called, leading me to believe each level has its own executable. That's dedication, folks. That or the third mission's name is the executable's name for all three which doesn't make sense but not much in Alpha Zylon does.
After I finished fighting across three very racist and confusing and deadly environments, I realized Alpha Zylon isn't a game. It's a work of art, a statement if you will. Much like Alpha Zylon is hell, so is war. War is hell. War is often racist and confusing and innocent people, like Paul McDiesalot, often get hurt. So is Alpha Zylon a very shoddy 2D platformer with 3D sniping segments, dotted throughout by strange racism and broken English? No. Alpha Zylon is a look at war through the lens of gaming, as Spec Ops the Line approached but done much more masterfully here, of course. Alpha Zylon is a stunning and emotional look at how war can ruin lives in all manner of places, no matter what race you are.

A quick note I originally forgot to add, the music in this game is sublime. Ranging from strange percussion to insane techno desert loops in the sniping mission, Alpha Zylon's composer is a virtuoso who can stand next to the likes of Elfman, Williams, and Zimmer, elevating Alpha Zylon to cinematic perfection.
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8 of 17 people (47%) found this review helpful
1 person found this review funny
0.2 hrs on record
Posted: December 21, 2014
After playing this game, I have developed an incurable malignant tumor in my frontal lobe. Fortunately, this turn of events will stop the pain that I feel when I even glance toward this game.
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22 of 47 people (47%) found this review helpful
1 person found this review funny
0.5 hrs on record
Posted: December 1, 2014
runs at higher fps than assassin's creed unity
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3 of 9 people (33%) found this review helpful
1 person found this review funny
1.2 hrs on record
Posted: December 31, 2014
This is definitely so-bad-it's-good. You can run through the 3 missions in about an hour. I daresay the final mission where a dozen hummers are out to get you in a city park was even fun. Worth the $0.50 if you like bad games.
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