A so-idiotic-it-becomes-offensive game you shouldn't approach with a very-very long stick. Never. It's so idiotic, I just HAD to keep going on, to see where the nightmare would end. If it ever ended. It did. Abruptly. But more about this, in a moment. First, a commercial.
Did you ever wonder how life on the high seas would be, with your semi-dead parrot on your shoulder, with your fellow pirates waiting for the first chance to disembowel you, while ghost ships and giant squids roamed the la... er... the waters? Well, keep wondering. This ain't that kind of fantasy.
Heileen is a total idiot as a character, the very stereotype of the dumb american teenager you can find in typical american "reality TV" or 3rd grade dramas that never made it past their first season. She's "the kind of girl" that thinks that nice clothing is one of the most important factors in our relationships, as seen in a tear-inducing (ha-ha, no, not really) "scene" of the game where she pleads to the ah-what-a-coincidentally-quite-handsome-master-pirate captain of the ship that saved her to give some clothes to her two friends. 'Cause the other pirates treat them differently, badly, since they don't have nice clothes. Like the ones they gave her. To go with her blue eyes and long blond hair.
(...smash head on desk... ...smash head on desk... ...smash head on desk...)
And since its own protagonist is a dumb whiny teenager with one-digit IQ, would you expect the game to be smartly designed so as to show off its awesome characters, scenario and / or action? Har-har-har. Ah, young grasshopper, how much there is to learn...
The game pretends to be a romance simulator, and it may be, I dunno for I haven't ever played one. If they're like this, thank the almighty Baal for not having fell on one up to now. What this culminates to is this:
View a still image of Heileen superimposed over an average background, joined by one or two still images of the other characters of her story. Each and every one dumber than the other.
Keep pressing enter while reading the mind-numbing hundreds of lines of moronic text, pausing to select from different "options" that will take the story to "a different path" (where, I guess, stuff gets even more idiotic). "Options" like:
A. Give your hungry friend part of your meal.
B. Eat it for yourself ignoring she's dying of starvation, since by now you know that in the very next frame she'll be again all smiles and happiness, for this is what happens in the world of pirates.
Then more text, then moire "choices", then "upgrades", in RPG style, that didn't seem to affect the "action" in any meaningful way. With "action" I mean what I've explained up to now, and not some kind - any kind - of other action. Or animation.
The "upgrades" offered by the game are quite interesting and diverse, offering a roster of choices unlike any found in any other game. I mean, where else could you increase your "skills" in "Read Books", "Accountant" and "Kitchen Girl" at the same time?
I have to confess that, during my playthrough, I decided that since the game and its characters treat each and everyone as some kind of bad stereotype, I'd "stereotype" Heileen as well in the worst possible way for her: I "upgraded" only and constantly her "skills" in "Kitchen Girl" and "Cooking".
She deserved it.