During my very brief time in The Land Of The Dead, I learned the following:
- The Land Of The Dead is a hauntingly beautiful place, lovingly realised with (mostly) top-notch graphics. It has nice sound, also.
- One can never walk any faster than a speed slightly above GLACIAL in The Land Of The Dead, except perhaps when being "chased" by things popping up (but not necessarily moving towards you) in corridors and doorways. Water provides an even greater obstacle to one's movement, thereby proving the old adage that "blood is thicker than water" COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY INCORRECT (mind you, I didn't get to walk through any blood in the course of the game, so perhaps I'm just jumping to conclusions). For those who can't handle the break-neck pace, however, there is fortunately the option to press Left Shift and slow yourself down even FURTHER.
- There are lots of dead-ends in The Land Of The Dead. Which take ♥♥♥♥ING AGES to back-track from, for reasons listed directly above.
- Every visitor to The Land Of The Dead is helpfully supplied with a FLASHLIGHT (it is pretty dark, after all).
- There are lots of levers and cranks in The Land Of The Dead, used to open doors and so forth. These levers won't necessarily be close to each other OR the portal one is using them to traverse through. In other words, bring a packed lunch if you plan on trying to get through any doors in The Land Of The Dead.
- The Land Of The Dead comes complete with mediocrely-acted narration, in some desperate attempt to recreate the atmosphere of Dear Esther, only in a far less linear environment with far less clues as to where exactly you're supposed to go next. Again, a packed lunch (and, perhaps, dinner) is advised; you may also wish to borrow a saint's halo to make the journey slightly less agonizing on the whole.
- There are a lot of "first-person" cut scenes in The Land Of The Dead, all of which are directed by a very nervous person with a twitchy mouse hand who can't pan around smoothly.
- There is death metal music in The Land Of The Dead, but only at highly inappropriate times, such as when one is being chased down corridors by witchy ghost women who look like cardboard cut-outs. Or witnessing end credit sequences which are as unskippable as the game is now unleavable, except by way of forcefully shutting one's computer down.
- Lastly but not leastly, The Land Of The Dead apparently comes in three parts. Here's hoping the next two are at least slightly better, and FREE to all of us who who were kind enough to give the developers money for THIS barely passable excuse for a "game". ONLY RECOMMENDED WHEN DIRT-CHEAP IN A SALE, AND ONLY FOR THOSE OF US SO ADDICTED TO HORROR GAMES THAT WE'LL PLAY JUST ABOUT ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING.