I was born in Bosnia. My parents were killed in the wars, and I was left an orphan. I was adopted by an old turnip farmer, and he raised me as his own. I thought that my life was going to be ruled by poverty, but one day, fortune struck. An old laptop fell off the back of a truck. and it was mostly unharmed. I knew what I was destined to do: make Let's Plays of Minecraft and Spooky Games. I started squatting in an abandoned house above a Starbucks, stealing internet from them and luckily, the old house still had power.
I had hit a brick wall, though. I didn't have any money, and I only had food and water from the farm, and from discarded pastries and half-caf diet iced caramel frothaccinos with cigarrette butts in them that people so carelessly left on the tables as they left the store, or went to the bathroom.
After months of despair, today, yes today ladies and gentlemen, was the day I finally found a game I could afford. For only nineteen cents, this game would launch my Let's Play career, and I would make millions of Youtube dollars.
I fished a quarter out of a wishing well and ran as fast as I could to the farm. I asked my adopted father if I could have the money from his Mastercard if I gave him the same amount in cold, hard cash, and when he said no, I just took his credit card and bought it anyway. Don't worry, I put both the card and the quarter back in his wallet soon after.
Ladies and gentlemen, today is the day I start my Let's Play career, and when the money I get from videos from this game starts rolling in, I'll finally be able to buy Minecraft and start making millions.
Ladies and gentlemen...you're looking at the next PewDiePie.