Burnout Paradise is an open world, survival horror game developed by Criterion Games, who are most known for making popular racing titles. The game is set in a horrific post-apocalyptic city, ironically called Paradise City. I can assure you however, there is no paradise to be seen in this hellish landscape.
You play as an unnamed, sentient car. The game revolves around completing the same missions over and over in order to upgrade your licence, to prove that you are king of the cars. The missions mostly involve destroying other cars, however, there are some racing elements involved here and there. As a working class peasant who cannot afford a luxury sports car, this appeals to my deep seated resentment of people who have more money than me.
[SPOILER ALERT] The story is fantastic. Towards the end of the game, you discover that you are not the protagionist at all. In fact, you are the villian. The real hero of the game is a DJ driven to madness named Atomica. Who has been broadcasting Paradise City's only radio station the entire game. His true motives are to get all of the cars in the city to destroy eachother, so that he can free humanity from its chains and rebuild society. Many games have tried to copy Burnout Paradise's clever plot twist, and have failed miserably. Ken Levine, eat your heart out. You can never hope to recreate this masterful storytelling.
In summary, Burnout Paradise is a masterpiece. There isn't a single game in existence that can match its artistic calibre. So I award this game ten out of ten cars. You will never get TYRED of this game.
(A lot of people are leaving comments pointing out the similarities to Yahtzees review. Fine, but Yahtzee wasn't the only person to think of this. This was meant to be a small joke amongst friends that just happened to get popular. Whining won't make me take it down.)
Posted: November 27th, 2013